With your co-hostesses: Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

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Today, we are answering a listener who has several questions.

We Discuss:

1. How do we balance taking responsibility for our own safety while growing our window of tolerance around our husbands who are gradually learning to become safe?
2. How do we lean into the discomfort of being somewhat vulnerable with them while remaining boundaried?
3. How do we care for ourselves and do our own work while our husbands are in early recovery and maybe not very safe.

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Episode 27: The Hidden Wounds Under Triggers

• Episode 28: The Spectrum of Triggers

• Submit a question to be answered on a future podcast.

• The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown

• Info for the Redeemed Hope Retreat

Welcome to Hope for Wives

Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

We continue our discussion of, “How a woman can heal when fantasy was a part of his acting out behaviors?”

This type of fantasy is more than just an innocent daydream anticipating your upcoming vacation, Patrick Carnes, in his book Out of the Shadows, defines fantasy as, “…the altered [mental] state where anticipation and planning override conscience and consequence.” In other words, this type of fantasy goes against values and ignores the relational consequences that can come if this fantasy is acted out.

1. How does comparison play into this scenario for her?
2. What steps can she take to build her confidence and security in who she is?
3. What hope can we leave?

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Our topic of discussion, today, is how a woman can heal when fantasy was a part of his acting out behaviors? This type of fantasy is more than just an innocent daydream anticipating your upcoming vacation, Patrick Carnes, in his book Out of the Shadows, defines fantasy as, “…the altered [mental] state where anticipation and planning override conscience and consequence.” In other words, this type of fantasy goes against values and ignores the relational consequences that can come if this fantasy is acted out.

1. Definitions of fantasy
2. What about fantasy impacts a partner so greatly?
3. How does comparison play into this scenario for her?

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we continue our discussion with Natalie Hoffman. Natalie is the author of, “Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual abuse,” and “All the Scary Little Gods.” She’s also the host of the Flying Free Podcast.

She is a passionate advocate for Christian women in abusive homes and churches. Through the Flying Free Sisterhood, she empowers Christian women to use their voices and gifts for their spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

1. Discussion around the roles within a system with emotional and spiritual abuse.
2. If she chooses, how can she shift her role?
3. Lyschel’s wrestle and decision
4. What does the path from emotional and spiritual abuse look like?

• “Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse”

• “All The Scary Little Gods: A Memoir”

• Flying Free Sisterhood Community

• Episode 59: “So What, Lord?”

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we welcome Natalie Hoffman to the podcast. Natalie is the author of, “Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual abuse,” and “All the Scary Little Gods.” She’s also the host of the Flying Free Podcast.

She is a passionate advocate for Christian women in abusive homes and churches. Through the Flying Free Sisterhood, she empowers Christian women to use their voices and gifts for their spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

1. Can you share the key signs of covert emotional and spiritual abuse?  How can women see these subtle tactics in their marriage or environment?
2. Has he always been this way and I just didn’t see it?
3. What are some of the key things you need that an abusive relationship cannot provide?
4. What hope can we offer our listeners?

• Emotional Abuse Quiz

• Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse

• All the Scary Little Gods: A Memoir

• Natalie’s Website, Flying Free Now

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we continue our conversation with Cat Etherington.

Cat Etherington is the Director of Recovery for Naked Truth Project, an international Christian charity opening eyes and freeing lives from the damaging impacts of pornography and other problematic sexual behaviours. 

1. What support do you offer globally?
2. How can we empower global listeners to advocate for themselves to uneducated support people?
3. Is no support better than damaging support?

• Naked Truth Recovery

  [email protected]

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Cat Etherington is the Director of Recovery for Naked Truth Project, an international Christian charity opening eyes and freeing lives from the damaging impacts of pornography and other problematic sexual behaviours. 

1. The importance of grief in the recovery process.
2. What happens if you try to skip the grief process?
3. What grief does the betrayer experience?
4. How do you help couples get “un-stuck” and move into mourning?

• Naked Truth Project

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are concluding our discussion around the tender topic of forgiveness after betrayal.

1. What about when we are reminded from Matthew 6:14-15,”For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins?”
2. What about intellectual forgiveness versus a felt sense (embodied) of forgiveness?

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are moving solidly into the second phase of healing by discussing all the ramifications of forgiveness.

1. What are some definitions of forgiveness?
2. What are some myths about forgiveness?

• What is a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?

  Full Therapeutic Disclosure (part 2)

2 Peter 3:9

2 Chronicles 7:14

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we continue our discussion with Dr. Christy Bauman.

Christy is an author, teacher and psychotherapist. A mother of 4, fierce dreamer and passionate about advocating for women.

Christy received her Bachelors degree in Communication at Texas A&M in 2002 and then her Masters in Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in 2007. She published the book Unearth in 2008, A Brave Lament in 2018, and Her Rites in 2024. She is certified in Medical Family Therapy and Trauma and Abuse. She earned her doctorate at Seattle Pacific University. Her dissertation topic was Shame and Sexuality in Women.

1. Overcoming the shame of female sexuality
2. What’s the first practical thing I can do to overcome shame?

• Her Rites by Dr. Christy Bauman

• Safe Church Book , Safe Church Conference