Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes

1052-Expert tips for setting and maintaining boundaries in relationships

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Defining Boundaries

  • Boundaries are behaviors that communicate what we will and will not tolerate from others.
  • Think of boundaries as a door to your safe space that you control—deciding whom to let in or out.

    • Types of Boundaries

    • Physical Boundaries: Cover personal space, touch, and eye contact preferences.
    • Affective Boundaries: Reflect the ability to empathize without being consumed by others' emotions.
    • Cognitive Boundaries: Allow individuals to maintain their own beliefs and perceptions.
    • Environmental Boundaries: Relate to personal belongings, space, and time shared with others.
    • Relationship Boundaries: Define who you choose to spend time with and how you engage with them.

      The Impact of Healthy Boundaries

      • Healthy boundaries make you feel safer and more supported, helping reduce stress, improve immunity, and enhance emotional well-being.
      • They contribute to better sleep, less anxiety, and improved cognitive clarity by reducing external interference.

        • Evaluating Boundaries

        • Periodically evaluate your boundaries to ensure they are appropriate. They should not be too rigid or too weak.
        • Overly rigid boundaries can lead to isolation, while weak boundaries can overwhelm you with others' issues and demands.

          • Handling Boundary Violations

          • When boundaries are violated, it’s important to assertively communicate your needs and set limits.
          • You have the power to refuse to rescue or enable harmful behaviors and to protect your emotional and physical space.

            • Types of Boundary Violators

            • Benign Strangers: People you may not know well, but who do not pose immediate threats. You can engage with them cautiously, possibly learning from them.
            • Burglars: Narcissists, sociopaths, or manipulative people who try to rob you of self-worth, confidence, and sometimes material things.
            • Children: Those who respond immaturely to not getting their way, throwing tantrums until they get what they want.

              Boundary Maintenance

              • Keep an eye on how your boundaries evolve in relationships. Boundaries with trusted people may become more open, while those with untrustworthy individuals should remain firm.
              • Use assertiveness to communicate your boundaries clearly, ensuring others understand your limits and respecting their own.


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                Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipesBy Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
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