Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1204 - Taking the Ride, Not the Wheel: The Secret to Better Listening


Listen Later

  • Your brain is like a monkey—constantly jumping around, thinking of what to say next, and rarely focused on what others are sharing. Learning to shut up and truly listen, especially during those key moments when your child is trying to tell you something important, is perhaps life's most difficult skill. This preview of Saturday's full interview with Ross Judd reveals why listening is so challenging and how three simple steps can transform your connections with those you love.

Quote of the Episode:

"When we engage, the actual main thing to do here is actually to do nothing. We're not having to fix a problem. We're not having to find solutions. What we actually need to do is to be quiet." - Kylie Coulson

Key Points:

  • Don't try to actively listen every minute of every day—it's exhausting and unrealistic.
  • Look for clues that indicate someone really needs to talk (unusual behaviour or emotional signals).
  • When these important moments occur, engage fully by staying quiet and using neutral phrases like "tell me more".
  • Summarise what the person has said to show you've understood.
  • Our brains typically prepare to talk rather than truly listen to others.
  • Most conversations are like showing "trinkets" from our respective bookshelves rather than truly exploring others' experiences.
  • Staying present while listening is incredibly difficult because our "monkey mind" constantly chatters.
  • Not offering solutions actually communicates trust that the person has the answers within themselves.
  • We typically listen through our own life experiences, which interrupts the other person's thought process.
  • Effective listening is a "practice in stillness"—something most humans struggle with

Resources Mentioned:

  • 'Listening: A Guide to Building Deeper Connections' by Ross Judd
  • '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey
  • 'The Emotional Lives of Teenagers' by Lisa D'Amour
  • Marco Polo app (mentioned as a tool for asynchronous communication)
  • Happy Families website

Action Steps for Parents:

  1. Watch for unusual behaviour or emotional signals that indicate your child needs a deeper conversation.
  2. When those moments occur, stay quiet and use neutral phrases like "tell me more" rather than offering solutions.
  3. Practice summarizsing what your child says to show you've understood and to quiet your own "monkey mind".
  4. Remember that by not offering immediate solutions, you're showing confidence in your child's ability to find answers.



See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy FamiliesBy Dr Justin Coulson

  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9

4.9

137 ratings


More shows like Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

View all
Mamamia Out Loud by Mamamia Podcasts

Mamamia Out Loud

590 Listeners

This Glorious Mess by Mamamia Podcasts

This Glorious Mess

38 Listeners

No Filter by Mamamia Podcasts

No Filter

595 Listeners

Ladies, We Need To Talk by ABC listen

Ladies, We Need To Talk

340 Listeners

Parental As Anything by ABC listen

Parental As Anything

41 Listeners

The Imperfects by Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg

The Imperfects

442 Listeners

Beyond the Bump by Sophie Pearce & Jayde Couldwell

Beyond the Bump

94 Listeners

Lise and Sarah by Those Two Girls

Lise and Sarah

49 Listeners

Something To Talk About by Stellar

Something To Talk About

106 Listeners

The Jess Rowe Big Talk Show by LiSTNR

The Jess Rowe Big Talk Show

95 Listeners

Pop Culture Parenting by Dr Billy Garvey, Nick McCormack

Pop Culture Parenting

74 Listeners

But Are You Happy? by Mamamia Podcasts

But Are You Happy?

48 Listeners

ADHD Mums by Jane McFadden

ADHD Mums

13 Listeners

The Good Enough Dad with Maggie Dent by Maggie Dent

The Good Enough Dad with Maggie Dent

8 Listeners

MID by Mamamia Podcasts

MID

90 Listeners