Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1235 - Doing Away With Punishments & Rewards


Listen Later

What if both punishments and rewards were doing more harm than good? In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson preview a powerful interview with renowned author and social critic Alfie Kohn, whose work challenges everything we thought we knew about behavior, discipline, and motivation. Discover why traditional approaches to parenting might be undermining your child’s moral development—and what to do instead.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"Punishment teaches power. It undermines the possibility of moral growth in children." — Alfie Kohn

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

  • Punishments Breed Self-Interest: When children are punished, they focus inward on avoiding pain, not outward on the consequences of their actions for others.

  • Rewards Are the Flip Side of Punishments: Offering incentives fosters compliance, not character—and undermines intrinsic motivation.

  • Consequences ≠ Learning: Just because something causes suffering doesn’t mean it leads to meaningful growth or moral insight.

  • Transactional Parenting Limits Growth: Using "if-then" tactics (do this, get that) stifles empathy and moral reasoning.

  • What We Really Want: Kids who do the right thing because it’s right, not because of fear or bribery.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

  • Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn

  • Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

  • Full interview with Alfie Kohn (airing Saturday on the Happy Families Podcast)

  • Website: happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

  1. Reflect on Your Approach: Ask yourself—am I raising a rule follower or a morally grounded child?

  2. Minimise External Motivators: Reduce the use of punishments and rewards in everyday parenting.

  3. Focus on Conversations: Engage your child in discussions about values, empathy, and the impact of their actions.

  4. Model Moral Reasoning: Let your children see you making decisions based on principles, not payoffs.

  5. Tune in Saturday: Don’t miss the full conversation with Alfie Kohn for more transformative ideas.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy FamiliesBy Dr Justin Coulson

  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9

4.9

137 ratings


More shows like Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

View all
Mamamia Out Loud by Mamamia Podcasts

Mamamia Out Loud

579 Listeners

This Glorious Mess by Mamamia Podcasts

This Glorious Mess

44 Listeners

No Filter by Mamamia Podcasts

No Filter

627 Listeners

Crappy to Happy by Cass Dunn

Crappy to Happy

54 Listeners

Ladies, We Need To Talk by ABC listen

Ladies, We Need To Talk

335 Listeners

The Quicky by Mamamia Podcasts

The Quicky

111 Listeners

Parental As Anything by ABC listen

Parental As Anything

51 Listeners

The Imperfects by Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg

The Imperfects

527 Listeners

Lise and Sarah by Those Two Girls

Lise and Sarah

44 Listeners

Something To Talk About by Stellar

Something To Talk About

99 Listeners

Pop Culture Parenting by Dr Billy Garvey, Nick McCormack

Pop Culture Parenting

52 Listeners

But Are You Happy? by Mamamia Podcasts

But Are You Happy?

27 Listeners

ADHD Mums by Jane McFadden

ADHD Mums

14 Listeners

MID by Mamamia Podcasts

MID

82 Listeners

You're A Good Kid by James & Nick van Cuylenburg

You're A Good Kid

3 Listeners