We are back for another episode of Owning Your Sexual Self and we are certainly owning our sexual selves with this topic this week. It is all things spanking. 

To me personally, there is nothing worse than having sex, and you're all into it, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere, this smack comes out into the into play and you're just like, what the fuck?
Now, I want to honor there are people that are listening to this right now, they're like, that is my literal dream.  For me, and anybody else that's on this end of the spectrum, that was not my little dream for me. The last thing that I wanted was for this fucking spank to come out of nowhere.

In October of last year, I went to a women’s retreat And spanking was taught at this retreat and this was a hands-on retreat and so we got to practice spanking with each other. I'm watching Lex teach us how to spank on this other girl that was here at the retreat and it was very rhythmic, very intentional. And then to experience that just to lay there and to know that the spanking was about to occur was an important thing. It took away that fear of when is it coming and there was touch beforehand so, it was  laying there and you feel hands on you and you start to you know they just start to kind of massage that area and slowly move around that area using the fingertips like really getting the blood flow to that part of your body.

So that’s tip number one. When you are engaging in a practice with your partner, some sort of impact play or sensation play or whatever it is, start with this intention first to that area that you're focusing on.
So in this case when it comes to spanking, massaging that area and using the fingertips like just like lightly groping and massaging around that area or just rubbing that area and getting that area warmed up to where you know your person is going to understand where this where this is headed.

You're also going to be having a conversation beforehand, first you want to ask the person, if you have a scale of 1-10 in terms of your pain right now in this moment, what would your highest point be for me right now? Or for me inflicting the spanking to you on a scale of 1 to 10, what is the highest point that you would like to reach right now?
"He focuses on like the squishy or fattier parts of but and so when he is done warming up, he will do a few just like little pats on the butt and then the intensity will kind of creep up up and up and up slowly and then he'll give me like a good whack and then ask what number was that?"
 And that just that those words in general, what number was that? Like my partner checking in with me during intimate intimacy to see where I'm at and what I'm feeling and where my emotions are is so fucking hot.

There's three different techniques that I was taught at first when it came down to spanking.
First one was taking your hand and cupping or arching your hand and when you are delivering the spank of this, like it has more of like a muffed sound.
Position number two would be full hand with fingers  together and that one is gonna be a little bit more intense pain wise.
Third one is just the tips of your fingers, so you're just like, it's like you're thumping on them almost.
So it might start with just a little bit of a few pats, and then you start to ramp it up a little bit more, and then you got some cupping going, and then maybe you do maybe a big smack. And then you would say, what number was that for you? You're gauging where your partner is at, you're gauging where the intensity is at. 

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