The "perfect person," does not exist. I know this sounds harsh, but it is the reality. So often, I hear this, "the perfect person is out there somewhere!" or "you haven't allowed your perfect match to find you because your wasting your time with these losers." Again, this is a false narrative that you have allowed yourself to believe. Granted, there are a lot of people out there who will waste your time, so setting personal boundaries is going to be very important and knowing when to walk away. The irony is, I'm a hopeless romantic but… I'm also realistic. If you think that there is a perfect person for you, you will end up disappointed.

So, how do you find health love?

1. Awareness: Perfectionism is a mask for insecurity and low self-esteem. There have been several studies that have linked individuals who scored higher on the perfectionism scale with low self-esteem and when given constructed criticism, reacted poorly due to fear of failure of inadequacy. Here is a reference to one such study: Flett, G. L., Hewitt, P. L., Blankstein, K. R., & Mosher, S. W. (1995). Perfectionism and negative reactions to constructive criticism: The role of self-esteem and self-concept clarity. Journal of personality and social psychology, 68(4), 703-717. When you identify patterns of behavior, mindset, or character attributes that are no longer serving you, it opens the possibility to outcomes you have yet to conceive. How? You are allowing yourself to be present, connect, and grow. 

2. Growth: The second things get hard, the narrative you created in your mind no longer makes sense and therefore, you convince yourself that THIS is not the right person when in reality, it very well could be! You are just ignoring the lesson. What is the lesson? Growth. The process of growth involves moments of discomfort, hell… it can even be painful! Remember as a kid having growing pains? It sucks! But that is part of life and a big part of building a long-lasting relationship with someone. You grow the most when you are challenged, i.e., personal ideologies questioned and buttons pushed. That growth comes when you are able to put ego aside, reflect, and process in a way that is inclusive for your partner.

3. Acceptance: When you accept, validate, acknowledge, and admire your partner for their differences, that is when you unlock the door to a successful relationship. Keep in mind, relationships are mirrors, therefore, we see in others that which we see in ourselves (good and bad). The people that have the biggest impact on your life are the people that challenge you, push you out of your comfort zone, and allow you to be authentically YOU.

Chapters:

Intro

00:01

What does perfection actually mean?

01:47

Understanding how your "perfectionism" affects your relationships

0:6:45

Utilizing self-awareness to maintain a healthy relationship

09:14

Growth is an important part of navigating a healthy relationship

12:25

Accepting your partner for their differences is crucial

15:00

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