Playing With Fire

226 The Secret Sauce of Happy Non-Monogamy: Exquisite Transition Management


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We all experience transitions in our relationships. And, they can actually be even more frequent in non-monogamous relationships, like when our attention shifts from one partner to another, when we leave for a date, or when we return home. These seemingly small shifts in energy and attention can create surprising friction, even in the healthiest dynamics.

A ton of us could use extra support around these issues. In fact, transition management is the topic that results in the most emergency sessions scheduled with Dr. Joli! That's because these moments, when handled poorly, can turn what could be positive experiences into sources of conflict and disconnection. But with some thoughtful planning and self-awareness, transitions can actually become opportunities for deeper intimacy.

In this episode, we talk about:

— What relationship transitions actually are (they're more than just coming and going!)

— Why the "grinding" day-to-day moments can either build you up or wear you down

— The importance of acknowledging your own transition style—are you a "fast shifter" or a "slow shifter"?

— Why it's okay to be "high maintenance" about your transition needs (and why pretending you don't have needs only makes things worse)

— How to create simple but effective transition rituals that don't have to be complicated to work

— Why compromise in transition planning doesn't necessarily mean "splitting the difference"

— The critical difference between reconnection and debriefing (and why mixing them can lead to problems)

— How to handle the "last bit of time" before reunion, which is often the hardest part for the person at home

— The unique challenges of managing transitions in long-distance relationships

— Why the fear of being "too needy" can actually prevent us from creating the transition support we really need

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

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Playing With FireBy Joli Hamilton

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