October 20, 2023

#27: How to STOP Scaring Your Partners Away!

17 minutes

Here are the top 5 ways to become more secure with yourself, intern, becoming more secure in your relationship!

1. Practice Vulnerability

Here is a good exercise to start practicing vulnerability: share your thoughts and feelings with your partner in small ways. For example, you might express your gratitude for something they did or share a personal story from your childhood. As you become more comfortable with it, you can slowly increase the depth and intensity of the information you are sharing. Remember, vulnerability is a two-way street, so be sure to listen and respond to your partner's vulnerabilities as well. That is known as validation.

2. Build Communication Skills

Communication is another crucial aspect of building secure relationships. It involves not only expressing yourself but also actively listening to your partner and seeking to understand their perspective. Communication skills can be learned and practiced, and they can help you to navigate conflict, build intimacy, and strengthen your emotional bond. If this is something you feel you struggle with, I have created an in-depth course called "Unlocking Your Voice" that helps you acquire the fundamental knowledge and skills of communication.

To build your communication skills, start by practicing active listening. This means giving your partner your full attention and seeking to understand their point of view without judgment or defensiveness. You can also work on using "I" statements instead of "you" statements when expressing your thoughts and feelings. This can help you to avoid blame and defensiveness and to focus on your own experience.

3. Set Boundaries

To set boundaries, start by identifying what is most important to you in your relationship. This might include things like respecting your time, prioritizing your needs, and avoiding harmful behaviors like lying or cheating. Once you have identified your boundaries, communicate them clearly to your partner, and be prepared to enforce them if necessary. Remember, boundaries are not about controlling your partner or creating conflict, but about maintaining your own sense of self and well-being.

4. Prioritize Self-Care

To prioritize self-care, start by identifying the activities that make you feel most nourished and energized. Make a commitment to engage in these activities regularly, even if it means saying no to other commitments or setting boundaries with your partner. Remember, self-care is not selfish, but rather an essential aspect of maintaining your own emotional and physical health.

5. Seek Support

Finally, seeking support is a key way to build security and resilience in your relationships. This might involve working with a therapist, joining a support group, or seeking guidance from a trusted friend or coach. When you have a strong support system, you are better able to navigate the ups and downs of your relationship and not dump on your partner. When you solely depend on your partner for emotional and mental support, you straddle the line of codependency, which we want to avoid at all costs.

Chapters:

Intro