February 03, 2025

#307 Stop Arguing for Good

49 minutes

Are you tired of daily arguments with your teen? Do you feel like no matter what approach you take—being firm or being gentle—nothing seems to work?

In this episode of Power Your Parenting – Moms with Teens, Colleen O’Grady welcomes Dr. Paul Sunseri a seasoned family therapist and author of Gentle Parenting Reimagined: How to Make It Work with Oppositional and Defiant Kids. Together, they dive into the challenges of parenting strong-willed teens and explore why traditional parenting strategies often fall short with oppositional kids. Dr. Sunseri shares his journey of working with high-conflict families, uncovering what truly works when it comes to setting limits, reducing arguments, and fostering better communication.

Paul Sunseri, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist and father of four who treats children and adolescents with serious mental health conditions. He is the developer of Intensive Family-Focused Therapy (myIFFT.org), a highly effective form of family-based mental health care.

One of the key insights from this conversation is the importance of clarity, consistency, and disengagement in parenting. Dr. Sinceri explains that parents often get trapped in unnecessary arguments because teens use red herrings—distractions and emotional outbursts—to steer the conversation away from responsibilities. He emphasizes that arguing with a teen is never productive and that parents should focus on setting clear expectations without engaging in power struggles. Instead of negotiating endlessly, parents should hold firm boundaries and use practical consequences, such as limiting screen time, until responsibilities are met. Disengagement is another crucial strategy—when a teen escalates, staying calm and walking away removes the emotional fuel that drives the conflict, ultimately leading to fewer power struggles.

Three Key Takeaways:

Stop engaging in arguments: The moment a conversation turns into a debate or escalates into yelling, step back. Arguments require two participants—when you refuse to engage, the conflict loses its power.

Use structured consequences effectively: Screens and privileges should be earned, not given freely. By tying them to responsibilities like homework and chores, teens learn accountability without constant battles.

Disengage from emotional explosions: Instead of reacting to tantrums or verbal outbursts, remain calm, state your boundary, and walk away. Over time, this teaches teens self-regulation and reduces dramatic confrontations.

By shifting their approach, parents can create a more peaceful home environment, helping their teens develop responsibility while maintaining a loving connection.

Follow at https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-sunseri-psy-d-54033b7/

Learn more about Dr. Sunseri and his services, Go to his website at https://www.myiift.org/

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By Colleen O'Grady LPC, LMFT, author, speaker & C-Suite Radio

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