November 06, 2023

#32: Are You ACTUALLY Ready to Date?

17 minutes

If you've found yourself on the merry-go-round of dating and just want to get the FUCK off of it, its important that you ask yourself 3 VERY important questions:

Who am I?

So often, I found that when things aren't working out for people in their dating life, they look outward. What do I mean? Here are some examples of what I hear:

Everyone is just looking for a hookup.

The men out there are all shit.

All these boys are immature.

It's not me! It's them.

How is your potential partner going to know how to love you if you don’t even know how to love yourself? So, ask yourself the question: who am I? By knowing yourself you are able to re-enter the dating world with a new sense of confidence, an unapologetic ability to set healthy boundaries, and filter through the individuals who aren't aligned with your goals.

Why am I dating?

Be real with yourself, are you dating because you are looking for a long-term relationship or are you looking for fun? There is nothing wrong with either one, you just need to be CLEAR on your intentions. In my "Dating 101" course, I talk about the different between intentional dating vs. casual dating. The only way to truly lock down a long-term, sustainable, and healthy relationship is to date INTENTIONALLY.

What does that mean? Be very clear on your needs and expectations while also keeping an open mind to learning something new about yourself from someone else. We come to know ourselves by our interactions with others. So when you are dating, take time to reflect after each date to see what you learned about yourself.

I like to refer to your investment of time and energy as "dating currency." DON'T invest in something that does not have a return + interest or before you know it, you'll be broke. Set your intentions before you download the app. Also, make sure you aren't doping it just for validation, attention, etc. Those are low vibrational feelings and will yield low vibrational men.

What is my limit?

Being clear on your limits is very important. I so often see people going on dates even after they've met their emotional/mental limits. Why? Here is the response I get:

"What if he's the right one and I miss the opportunity?"

IF he is the right one, how would you know? You are emotionally and mentally depleted, therefore, you are not showing up on this date 100% yourself.

If you are past your limit, it is likely you have developed a negative perception of dating and therefore, you will be focused on any behavior that fits your confirmation bias.

If you are disconnected on the date and don’t show much interest in the person and they still want to date you, that doesn’t necessarily mean he's the one. That can also be an indication of an anxious attachment style that's looming under the surface or there are some insecurities that are causing him to want to earn your affection.

Identify what your limit is and how to recognize when you've reached it.

To recap, the 3 questions to ask yourself are:

Who am I?

Why am I dating?

What is my limit?

Chapters:

Intro