November 17, 2023

#35: CATFISHING on Gay Dating Apps

16 minutes

Unfortunately, fake profiles comes with the territory of online dating… it's unavoidable. The important thing to keep in mind is personal safety. If at any point you do not feel comfortable or safe, do what you need to do to prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical health.

So, what do you do if your date doesn’t look like his profile photo? Here are 3 things to keep in mind:

1. Don't React Negatively

It's natural to feel disappointed if someone looks nothing like their dating profile picture, but it's important to avoid reacting negatively. Avoid making negative comments or giving off negative energy, as this can make the situation uncomfortable and awkward. Remember that the person you're meeting is still the same person, even if they don't look exactly like their picture. If they are not the same person at all, that is a MAJOR red flag and I would recommend ending the date.

2. Don't Be Disrespectful or Rude

It's important to be respectful and polite when meeting someone for the first time, even if they don't look like their dating profile picture. Avoid making rude or disrespectful comments, and avoid acting in a way that could be perceived as insensitive or judgmental.

Remember that the person you're meeting is a human being with feelings and emotions, and they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Yes, they may have lied or uploaded a photo that isn't 100% accurate, but as long as it isn't TOO far from the truth, they deserve kindness.

3. Don't Ignore Your Gut Instinct

While it's important to be open-minded and non-judgmental, it's also important to listen to your gut instincts. If something feels off or uncomfortable, it's okay to trust your intuition and end the date early. Don't feel obligated to stay in a situation that doesn't feel right, just because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings.

I often find, particularly in the queer community, we struggle to set boundaries. The primary reason for this is our experience with rejection and shame, therefore, we prioritize wanting to be accepted, desired, admired, etc. This leads to us NOT prioritizing our own mental/emotional wellbeing and in some cases, our physical well-being. There is nothing wrong with saying NO to something if it does not serve you, it's how you communicate it. You can say no to someone without belittling them or making them feel discarded or dismissed.

Meeting someone who looks nothing like their dating profile picture can be a challenging and disappointing experience, but by avoiding these three things, you can create a respectful and positive situation. Remember to approach the situation with an open mind and non-judgmental attitude, be respectful and polite, and listen to your gut instincts. By doing so, you can create healthy and honest relationships, where both partners feel valued and respected.

Chapters:

Intro

00:01

Don't react negatively

04:30

Don't be disrespectful or rude

08:14

Boundaries are important

13:13

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