July 29, 2019

357: Stop Making Other People Comfortable

34 minutes

Women are raised to believe we should make other people comfortable. We should be caretakers of others needs and desires and feelings - even when it comes at a cost to our own needs, desires, and feelings.

Because of this indoctrination early in our lives, we also take it upon ourselves to make sure that we don’t outshine others - because that could make them feel bad or less than. Instead, we let ourselves feel bad and less than.

We make it a priority to make other people comfortable. And in many cases this means we shrink and play small in front of others. We don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable and we certainly don’t want anyone to judge us for shining too brightly.

So, we stay small, quiet, dull, demure instead - because showing up as bold, bright, big, brave feels too risky.

Here are some instances in which you might make others uncomfortable with your shininess and badassery, as well as put yourself at risk of other people’s judgment:

when you lose weight

when you run a 5K, 10K or a marathon

when you quit your job to stay home with your kids

when you make a lot of money

when you write a book

when you start your own business

when you go for a promotion

when you go back to school to get an advanced degree

when you put your child in full-time childcare

when you go on an epic vacation

when you take every Friday off

when you get weekly massage

when you buy your kid something fancy/”spoil” them

when you buy a bigger house

when you buy a tiny house

when you announce you’re a photographer/event planner/jewelry designer/lifecoach/blogger/podcaster, speaker, writer

when you say you want to be a mogul

Have you ever achieved one of these items and intentionally not shared it with others? You kept is small and private out of fear that others would be uncomfortable with your success or achievement and/or that they might pass judgment on you and dull your shine?

I want to encourage you to reframe how you think about other people's opinions. It’s not your job to tend to other people’s opinions. In fact, you should pay them no mind.

It’s not your job to make other people comfortable. Their discomfort is about them, not you. And it’s their responsibility, not yours.

It’s not your job to play small and stay small because others can’t or won’t step up and shine.

Your job is to SHINE LIKE A MOTHER.

And when you do so you will become a mirror that attracts people who want to see you in all your big, bold, brave badassery. When you start attracting these kinds of people, you will continue to be able to shine in brighter ways for all your days.

Listen in for a deeper dive and 4 ways to deal with the uncomfortable, judgy people in your life.

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By Sara Dean

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