The quietest form of trauma often leaves the deepest marks. If you've always been "the strong one," the helper, or the person who never rocks the boat, this episode on emotional neglect might explain why you still struggle with relationships as an adult.

Emotional neglect isn't defined by dramatic incidents but rather by what didn't happen in your childhood. Your basic needs may have been met, but when you experienced difficult emotions, no one helped you name them or comfort you through them. Those experiences taught you that your feelings were inconvenient, that you were inconvenient when you had needs – setting the perfect foundation for codependency.

When your emotional blueprint was built on the belief that love had to be earned by being easy, helpful, or low maintenance, it's no wonder you might find yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable people. That familiar feeling of longing, of waiting for someone to finally choose you, isn't just chemistry – it's your nervous system trying to resolve old wounds through repetition compulsion.

The most damaging side effect of emotional neglect is the quiet belief that you were somehow the problem – that if you had just been better, quieter, or less emotional, someone would have loved you properly. This hidden narrative drives perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the exhausting cycle of trying to earn love that should have been freely given.

Healing begins when you recognize that you were never too much; you were simply not given enough.

What would change if you stopped trying to be chosen and started choosing yourself? The answer might just be everything.

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