December 29, 2023

#47: The Difference Between Sex Positivity vs. Enabling

21 minutes

Sexuality and the exploration of sexuality is at the CORE of queer culture and our individual/collective experiences within that culture. As a love and self-esteem coach, I am a HUGE proponent of exploring your sexuality and becoming comfortable in your own skin, but we also can't deny that sex can have its issues as well.

I have worked with many men who struggled to see the differences between sex positivity and sex enabling. Although they may not seem all that different, they are. It's important to understand the differences. So, let's define sex positivity:

Sex positivity is a philosophy that promotes a healthy and affirming attitude toward consensual sexual behavior. It involves the following:

a. Consent and Communication: Sex positivity emphasizes the significance of enthusiastic and informed consent, open communication about desires, boundaries, and preferences between you and your sexual partners. It also encourages continued open dialogue that is non-judgmental and free of criticism

b. De-stigmatization: Sex positivity aims to challenge societal stigmas surrounding diverse sexual orientations, identities, and practices. It advocates for a non-judgmental and inclusive approach to sexuality, recognizing that consensual sexual activities between adults are personal choices.

c. Empowerment and Education: Sex positivity encourages you to explore and understand your own desires, preferences, and boundaries. It emphasizes the importance of comprehensive sex education, promoting knowledge about sexual health, consent, and safe practices. This knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and engage in sexual experiences that are both pleasurable and safe.

d. Body Positivity: Sex positivity promotes body acceptance, encouraging you to embrace your body and recognize that diverse bodies are beautiful and worthy of pleasure. It rejects body shaming and celebrates the uniqueness of each individual's physical form.

So what does enabling look like?

a. Lack of Consent or Coercion: Enabling disregards the importance of consent and may involve engaging in sexual activities without obtaining clear consent or using coercion or manipulation to get someone to agree or accept.

b. Disregarding Boundaries: Enabling fails to acknowledge and respect personal boundaries in sexual interactions. It may involve pressuring or ignoring the objections or discomfort of sexual partners.

c. Normalizing Abuse or Non-consensual Acts: Enabling creates an environment where non-consensual or abusive behavior is downplayed, excused, or accepted as a norm. It perpetuates a culture that tolerates harm and fails to prioritize the well-being and autonomy of individuals.

d. Ignoring Power Imbalances: Enabling overlooks power imbalances in sexual relationships, such as those related to age, authority, or emotional vulnerability. It fails to address these dynamics, leading to the potential for manipulation, exploitation, or coercion.

Chapters:

Intro