Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)

If you're a wife who feels like physical intimacy just isn’t for you... this post is for you.

Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe sex feels awkward, or painful, or even meaningless. Maybe it seems like something only he wants, and you just go along with it.

If any of that resonates, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're not alone. And there is hope.

When Sex Feels Disappointing or Painful in Marriage

When I first got married, I was so excited. I had saved myself for marriage and imagined physical intimacy would be beautiful and bonding. But what I experienced instead was disappointment. It was physically painful, emotionally awkward, and deeply confusing. I felt ashamed, fat, insecure, and unprepared.

My marriage at that time eventually ended in divorce. There was no biblical reason—I just couldn’t take the strife and anxiety anymore. I was devastated. I had followed what I believed was the right path, and yet my marriage still crumbled. And then, I drifted. I walked away from God's design, from purity, and into promiscuity.

But God is a Redeemer.

In time, He gently brought me back. I met a kind, respectful man, and with him, God showed me what healthy, healing intimacy could look like. And it has been a journey—one filled with slow growth, freedom, and true pleasure.

Understanding God’s Design for Sexual Pleasure in Marriage

Let’s be honest—many wives could take or leave sex. Some even hate it. And yet, God designed physical intimacy to be good—not just for your husband, but for you.

You may have grown up in purity culture, where sex was labeled “bad,” “shameful,” or “off-limits.” Then suddenly, you get married and are expected to flip a switch and enjoy it. That’s confusing, to say the least!

But what if we started thinking of pleasure the way God does? What if we saw it as a gift?

You enjoy a clean house, right? You feel at peace, relaxed, energized. That’s pleasure. So why is it so hard to believe that sexual pleasure could be just as valid, just as worthy, just as holy?

Why Christian Wives Should Value Pleasure in Intimacy

God didn’t create intimacy only for reproduction or duty. He created it for joy, connection, healing, and pleasure. Even Song of Solomon celebrates sensuality—touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound.

Pleasure is part of God’s design. It doesn’t have to end in orgasm or even intercourse to be sacred. A simple act like cuddling, stripping down just to rest in your husband’s arms, or a gentle caress can be deeply meaningful. An moment where you focus on intimacy without the pressure of a “goal.” It’s healing. It’s freeing.

How to Begin Enjoying Intimacy Again—Even If You Feel Broken

You don’t have to leap from disinterest to passion overnight. What if you started with just an inch in the direction of intimacy? A kiss. A caress. A flirty smile. That’s it.

Then maybe next time, a little more.

Intimacy doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s a dance. A progression. A fluid rhythm between two people who are learning how to love and be loved.

Biblical Boundaries for Sex—and the Freedom Within Them

I’ve seen it time and again—wives who once hated sex now pursue it with confidence and joy. Not because they’ve become someone they’re not, but because they’ve allowed God to rewrite their story.

You don’t have to live stuck in shame, apathy, or duty.

You were made for more.

You were made for joy.

You were made to receive pleasure—and not just physical pleasure, but the peace and playfulness that come from deep connection. You can laugh, relax, and actually look forward to physical intimacy.

Even if you’re post-menopausal.

Even if you’ve been through trauma.

Even if you feel like you’re the one who’s “just not into it.”

God can change it. He’s done it in me. He’s done it in hundreds of wives I’ve coached. And He can do it in you.

 

With love & hope,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - For more information on the Connection Sessions mentioned in the podcast, check out Delight Your Marriage: Connection Sessions.

PPS - To learn more about our research on Biblical boundaries in marital intimacy, please visit Delight Your Marriage: Boundaries in Sex.

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "So much of my prayer time was trying to pray for my hubs and me and us in our marriage and lamenting over the state of our marriage...it was so hard for me to engage in intimacy with my husband...Most times I just had to turn off my heart and pray and power through, which only served to make me even more avoidant of it...[Now,] I don't feel like I need a brick wall to protect my heart from my husband...Intimacy feels like a safe place...It's not intimacy's 'for him', it's ALWAYS intimacy for 'us'."