What behavioral patterns do you establish at the beginning of your relationships, and why does that matter?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

If you want to have us speak at your event outside the US and are willing to host a fundraiser to finance our travel, we are happy to donate classes, signed books and even relationship coaching to help you out! Interested? Email [email protected]

5:10 Poly in the News

The third edition of their seminal book, The Ethical Slut!

6:20 Topic: behavioral patterns in your relationships (and how to establish them)

Sarah from Australia asked for Lusty Guy to elaborate on his comment about patterns at the start of relationship establishing what will happen later on in the relationship. What patterns do you establish when you start dating? Any red flag behaviors? What the hell is Lusty Guy talking about?

• A pattern is the behavior you adopt in the face of differing styles or approaches to stuff in relationships
• The way you establish a pattern is to ask yourself how you ideally want to respond to conflicts or conflicting patterns (such as who plans a date)—and those will often persist throughout the duration of the relationship
• What do you want your partner to learn?
• LG likes to look for ways to be his very best self in the first relationship conflict. "Whenever you want to reach someone, you have to be reachable." Be vulnerable!
• Red flags: pay attention to the nature of the stories people tell about themselves. Are they the avenging hero? Martyr? Berserker? Affable buffoon? And look for the differences between the behavior you observe and the stories they tell
  • Also, do they share?
  • How do they talk about their past relationships? Are they respectful of past partners and relationships?
  • What comments do they make about strangers?

24:25 Feedback

Thanks for having Goody Howard on the show!

26:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."