This is easily the most difficult episode I have recorded. 

I knew there was a strong chance that IVF would end without a baby. In fact, I planned for it. I planned to be relieved (I don’t have to be pregnant! I don’t have to nurse! I don’t have to be an exhausted hot mess!) I planned to be excited (Let’s book a European vacation!) 

I did not plan to feel really, really sad. 

We experienced a lot of sadness when it took so long to get pregnant with Vinnie 5 years ago. It felt constant. 

This is different. 

It feels final.

And so permanent. 

There are things to be happy about with this outcome. There are things to be grateful for. But we’re not there yet. 

We’ll get there. 

But not today. And probably not for awhile. But we will be ok.

Here’s the thing… we won the lottery on September 23, 2012. We were given all we could have ever hoped for – a healthy, perfect baby. 

That is enough. 

Vinnie is more than enough. In every way. 

So, from here we row our little family boat forward, one paddle at a time. 

There will be some waves and things might feel a little topsy-turvy for awhile, but there will undoubtedly be amazing views, the best destinations, and all the love & laughter we could ever ask for. 

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