In this week’s episode of The EMDR Doctor Podcast, we’re diving deep into one of the most painful and complex issues people face in relationships: lies. Whether it’s a small fib or a web of deception, lies can be devastating, especially when they come from the people we trust the most. Betrayal trauma and the aftermath of being deceived can feel like a loss of reality itself, and healing from that is no small feat.

Today, we’ll explore why people lie, the pain of betrayal trauma, and how EMDR therapy can help untangle the webs of deceit that keep us trapped in hurt and confusion. We’ll also talk about the impact of lies on self-worth, trust, and healing, and how to work through the difficult feelings of shame and self-blame.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

The difference between prosocial and antisocial lies and why people lie for different reasons — from making others feel good, to protecting themselves, to avoiding consequences.

How betrayal trauma from lies can upend your sense of stability and self-worth, leaving you feeling disoriented and distrustful.

Why lies often come with half-truths and how to spot the signs of deceit, especially when a person is a practiced liar.

The emotional toll of being lied to and the complexities of trauma when you feel like your reality is being manipulated.

The healing journey after betrayal trauma — how to rebuild trust in yourself, your relationships, and the world around you, with the help of EMDR.

Key Highlights:

Lies are everywhere: Lies come in all shapes and sizes. Some are small “white lies” designed to protect someone’s feelings, while others serve to protect the liar or gain an advantage. But even the “harmless” ones can leave us feeling disconnected from reality.

Betrayal trauma from lies is deeply painful: When the person you trust most betrays you with lies, it’s a wound that goes beyond just being deceived. It’s a loss of trust in yourself and in others, and the pain can feel all-consuming.

The big lie often hides deeper pain: Lying is sometimes a defense mechanism, stemming from unresolved past trauma. People who lie frequently may have deeply buried truths about their own past that are too painful to face.

The child’s dilemma with truth-telling: When children are faced with difficult truths — like reporting abuse — the consequences of lying or withholding the truth can be staggering. Protecting someone else’s feelings may come at the expense of their own safety or well-being, which leaves deep scars.

The paradox of telling the truth: While telling the truth is difficult, especially when the consequences are severe, it ultimately leads to healing. Lies, on the other hand, can erode self-esteem and happiness, leaving a person in a constant state of inner conflict.

How to spot a liar: There are some classic signs of deception — like excessive details, avoiding eye contact, or changing the subject — but the best way to know if someone is lying is to fact-check or catch them in a contradiction.

Healing betrayal trauma with EMDR: Betrayal trauma can absolutely be healed, but it requires deep work. EMDR therapy helps process the emotional pain, rebuild trust, and help you reclaim a sense of stability. While you can’t change the past, you can change how you respond to it and rebuild your self-worth and confidence.

Resources Mentioned:

Heal Your Past Online EMDR Program: For those looking to explore EMDR as a tool for healing, Dr. Lloyd’s online course offers support in processing trauma, especially betrayal trauma. Find more at emdrdoctor.com.au/heal 

EMDR Therapy for Betrayal Trauma: If you're in Australia and want personalized support, Dr. Lloyd’s individual or group therapy sessions may be right for you.

EMDR Doctor Membership: If you’ve worked with Dr. Lloyd before and need ongoing support, check out the EMDR Doctor Membership page for monthly opportunities to continue EMDR therapy.

Contact and Feedback:

If you’ve been affected by betrayal trauma, or if you want to discuss how EMDR can help you heal from past wounds, get in touch with Dr. Lloyd at emdrdoctor.com.au . Remember, healing from betrayal trauma is a journey — you don’t have to do it alone.

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Join me, Dr. Caroline Lloyd, as we unpack trauma, explore the science of EMDR, and share real stories of recovery and resilience.