A lot of what gets called "setting a boundary" out on the internet and in real life isn't a boundary at all.

Boundaries are not punishment.

They are not a lever for controlling other people.

They are not what you do when someone makes you mad.

I wrote a whole book about this called Boundary Boss, and the definition is simple. Your boundaries are your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal breakers, plus your ability to communicate them. That is the whole thing.

Misnaming a boundary does not just sound wrong; it makes the work harder. When you call a threat a boundary, communication has become confusing, and you may keep fighting about the same things on a loop.

Here are the five most common boundary impostors.

Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/837