Have you ever gone to someone you trusted to seek help and they became defensive instead of holding space for you?

Have you ever been in a conversation and felt yourself getting defensive as someone shared information with you?  

You’ve likely been in both of these situations at some point, perhaps in personal and professional settings.  

I found myself in the first situation a while back. I took a very serious concern to two leaders I trusted and I left feeling stunned that two leaders I trusted couldn’t hold space for me in a vulnerable moment. It was so disappointing and left me reeling for days. I kept rerunning the conversation in my head trying to figure out what went wrong and why I felt so defeated and hurt after the fact.  

With some time and reflection, I was able to identify that the reason I was so upset was because I didn’t feel seen, heard, held, or valued in a moment where it felt really important to me to feel seen, heard, held, and valued.  

As I processed this event, I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would have handled the situation if the tables were turned. I questioned myself, “How do I hold space for people when they show up and need me to sit with them and hear them out - even if what they want to share is difficult to hear?”

My work demands this of me. I have to sit in hard conversations with coaching clients all the time. I preach confident communication to leaders all day long. I started to think through what my specific process is when it comes to holding space for others and I was able to put it together in a really clear and simple way that can be easily replicated in many different sticky situations and tough moments.  

In this episode, I talk you through how to use my 3 step process, my GAP Strategy, to practice Gratitude, Acknowledgement, and Partnership in these challenging communication moments. I give you brief, clear statements you can use to immediately help the person sitting across from you feel seen, heard, held, and valued. These are the statements I wished I had heard in that conversation a while back. I wish the people who sat across from me were able to apply this strategy so we could have worked together toward a solution instead of leaving the situation feeling awkward, incomplete, and let down.

It is my hope that learning and practicing my GAP Strategy will allow you to hold space for others in a way that advances your relationships and your leadership.  

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