A Little Help For Our Friends

This episode talks about how mood, especially dysregulated emotions, affect memory. It explains why people with emotional issues may have such a different perspective and memory for things that happened in the past.

If you're close to someone with big emotions, you've probably gotten into an argument with them about something you remember...very differently than they do. You bring up something that happened and they'll say "that never happened!", leaving you to question your whole reality. In this episode, Dr. Kibby delves into why the "that never happened" argument happens so often. What if your loved one is genuinely remembering a fight differently- and that difference isn’t about manipulation, but about how your brain reconstructs trauma and emotion? This episode dives deep into the science of how mood, trauma, and dysregulation distort memory, often making "truth" feel entirely relative.

Dr. Kibby discusses why borderline personality disorder, trauma, or anxiety see the world and their memories through a skewed lens, and how this impacts trust, communication, and conflict resolution. She describes frameworks like mood-congruent bias and affect-as-information, which explain how emotions activate specific memory networks, creating a battlefield of conflicting recollections.

This episode also breaks down practical strategies for coming to a resolution when someone has a very different version of events. Learn how to respond when someone insists "that didn’t happen," or accuses you of things you don’t remember without gaslighting or invalidating their experience. You’ll hear about the dangers of false memories, how negative content is more memorable, and why gaslighting often involves wielding power over someone’s very sense of reality.

If you've ever wondered whether their reality is "crazy" or if you're losing your mind, this episode will give you the understanding and tactics you need to foster compassion, clarity, and peaceful communication.

Resources:

• KulaMind for support with loved ones with emotional issues
• Joshi, G., Rathore, T., & Verma, K. (2025). Emotion-induced memory distortions: Insights from deese-roediger-mcdermott and misinformation paradigms—A comprehensive review. Health Sciences Review, 14, 100216.

This episode features a conversation with Kaytlyn Gilner, a mental health advocate and host of the "Not So Dumb Blonde" podcast. We delve into the complexities of complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD), exploring the nuances and overlaps between these diagnoses.

If you struggle with intense negative emotions, difficulty with intimacy, low self-esteem, and dissociation, what "diagnosis" should you get? In this episode, Kaytlyn Gilner shares her personal journey of misdiagnosis and the transformative power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Dr. Kibby and Kaytlyn break down the hot controversy over these diagnoses that pushes back on the stigma of BPD. The recent backlash against the "borderline personality disorder" label argues that a diagnosis like "complex PTSD" recognizes the symptoms as trauma responses better.

Dr. Kibby and Kaytlyn discuss the importance of understanding, setting boundaries, and the role of environment in mental health. They also talk about the power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the intensive outpatient treatment that teaches how to regulate emotions and relationships, no matter what diagnosis you have. This episode offers insights into how loved ones can support those struggling with intense emotions, emphasizing the need for empathy and structured support.

Resources:

• KulaMind, Dr. Kibby's program to support loved ones of people with emotion dysregulation

• Katylyn's Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships (DBT-Inspired Workbook):
  https://tr.ee/9pKDGhjuNU
• Is It an Actual Red Flag or Anxiety? (DBT-Inspired Workbook):
  https://tr.ee/GrAOWvyh1V
• To connect, collaborate, or attend an event with Kaytlyn:
  https://linktr.ee/kaytlynm
• YouTube: NotSoDumbBlondePodcast
  Instagram: @notsodumbblonde_pod

This episode gives a step by step guide to managing mental health crises like self-harm, suicide, or overdose threats.

Most people feel completely helpless when someone they love descends into a mental health crisis but what if you had a clear, plan that could save lives? In this episode, Dr. Kibby shares the insider knowledge she gained from working in psychiatric emergency rooms and supporting families through the most dangerous moments. Whether it's a loved one overdosing, becoming violent, or threatening suicide, knowing exactly what to do can make all the difference and even prevent tragedy.

Dr.Kibby demystifies the chaos of mental health emergencies. She walks you through what really happens inside the hospital, explains how to recognize dangerous signs like alcohol withdrawal or impulsive self-harm, and reveals the untold reality of involuntary holds and crisis interventions. She shares personal stories and offers practical, repeatable steps to de-escalate crises before they escalate further.

Tune in for actionable tactics: how to create a tailored safety plan, the best emergency resources like 988 and mobile crisis teams, and when to call 911 versus seek professional help. You’ll learn concrete warning signs and calming techniques from DBT skills, as well as how to assemble your support network in advance. Safety planning isn’t just for professionals- it’s your first line of defense. With clear advice rooted in real-world experience, this episode equips you to act decisively when it matters most. Don’t wait for a crisis to strike! Prepare now, protect those you love, and reclaim your peace of mind.

Resources:

• Safety Plan Template

• Dr. Kibby's quick guide for managing an emotional outburst (for free)

This episode gives parents of adults with borderline personality disorder insights into the experience of parenting someone with BPD and strategies for supporting their children.

When your child struggles with intense emotions, it's heartbreaking for any parent. But when you're a parent of an adult child with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you're walking on eggshells trying not to make things worse. In this episode, Dr. Kibby shares powerful, research-backed strategies for parents of grown children with intense emotions, revealing how your approach can prevent crises from escalating and rebuild vital connections.

You’ll discover why family dynamics often reinforce emotional storms, and how shifting your perspective can de-escalate fights before they explode. Dr. Kibby breaks down practical, compassionate tools like validation, boundary-setting, and safety planning—skills that empower you to stay calm and present, even when your loved one is in chaos.

Plus, she reveals why involving the whole family system is essential, not just the individual with BPD, and how to handle crisis moments like threats or self-harm without reinforcing harmful behaviors. We’ll also explore the impact of trauma, shame, and guilt that parents carry and how your own mental health is intertwined with theirs.

If you’re exhausted by cycles of overwhelm, blame, or hopelessness, this episode is your guide to navigating the unthinkable with clarity and kindness. Perfect for parents, partners, or anyone supporting someone with borderline or emotional dysregulation.

Resources:

• Join KulaMind, Dr. Kibby's support program for parents and partners of people with BPD

• Book: Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents: How to Help Your Child (of Any Age) with Borderline Personality Disorder without Losing Yourself

This episode explores the psychology of why we chase emotionally unavailable partners.

Are you caught in a cycle of pursuing those who seem just out of reach? In this episode, Dr. Kibby delves into the psychology behind why we chase those who are hard to get. She talks about to main principles that drive this behavior, from behavioral economics to the neurobiology of attachment.

She unpacks the attachment patterns that lead to the "pursuit-withdrawal" cycle, where anxious and avoidant attachments clash, creating a loop of emotional highs and lows. Through personal anecdotes and scientific insights, Dr. Kibby reveals how these patterns are rooted in our upbringing and survival mechanisms. Learn strategies to break free from this cycle, including emotion regulation techniques and the importance of secure attachments.

Resources:

• Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

• Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.

This episode is a conversation with Dr. Cam Caswell, "The Teen Translator," about how to actually connect to your teen who's struggling.

Most parents feel powerless when it comes to connecting with their teens (or a loved one that ACTS like a teen), especially when they struggle with anxiety, depression, or other intense pain. In this episode, Dr. Kibby gets golden insights from Dr. Cam, an adolescent psychologist, parenting coach, TEDx speaker, and host of the Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam podcast. The conversation delves into how can you actually support someone who can't handle their emotions, is in distress, but shuts you out? Parents of teens are all too familiar with this dynamic, but so are loved ones of grown adults who have the emotion regulation of a teenager.

Dr. Cam reveals that the key to guiding teens isn’t what most of us believe. Instead of controlling or punishing, she advocates for understanding, respect, and building trust, even when your teenager buries their face in their phone. Dr. Cam challenges your assumptions about parenting and equip you with practical, compassionate strategies to foster a secure, trusting relationship with your teen before the storm hits. Imagine transforming the typical power struggle into a partnership based on empathy and understanding.

Dr. Cam shares her journey from a communications background to becoming a leading expert in adolescent psychology, and how her insights can help any parent navigate the turbulent teen years. You'll discover how the brain’s development during adolescence makes traditional discipline ineffective, and why connection (rather than control) is the secret to cultivating resilience, independence, and open communication. From setting compassionate boundaries to understanding social media’s role, this episode is packed with actionable advice to foster emotional safety and trust at every stage. This conversation breaks down:

• Why fear and control undermine your influence and how to replace them with connection
• Practical ways to build trust that encourages your teen to share honestly - even during crises
• How to set clear boundaries without punishing, and why respect is the foundation of safety
• The truth about mental health struggles in teens today and how societal stigma and technology impact them
• Simple daily habits to foster emotional regulation, resilience, and autonomy in your loved ones

In a world full of digital distractions, social pressures, and fears about safety, this episode offers a new blueprint: meet your teen where they are, understand them deeply, and lead with love, not fear.

Resources:

• Dr. Cam's website

• Find her on Instagram: @drcamcaswell

• Podcast: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

This episode explains what schizotypal and schizoid personality disorders are, how they're diagnosed, and what treatments may work.

Do you know anyone who marches to the beat of their own drum?...Even drums that no one else can hear? Most people with schizoid or schizotypal personality disorder are misunderstood, yet their unique traits can be seen as adaptive or even vital in the right context. Dr. Kibby challenges the negative stereotypes around these "odd" personalities. In this episode, she delves into the subtle yet profound distinctions between schizoid and schizotypal personalities.

She breaks down how schizoid individuals thrive off solitude, resembling the iconic Sherlock Holmes or Mr. Robot. Conversely, schizotypal personalities are more open to connection yet remain anxious and eccentric, exemplified by Luna Lovegood from "Harry Potter."

Dr. Kibby walks through key diagnostic traits like ideas of reference, magical thinking, unusual perceptual experiences, and social withdrawal. She discusses how these traits, often misunderstood, are shaped by early trauma, cultural influences, and evolutionary roles.You'll also learn about emerging, promising therapies that focus on social cognition and compassion, offering hope for better integration and self-understanding for those with schizotypal traits.

With stories from clinical practice and insights into neurodiversity, this episode invites you to rethink what it means to be "different."

Resources:

• Cheli, S., Cavalletti, V., Lysaker, P. H., Dimaggio, G., Petrocchi, N., Chiarello, F., ... & Goldzweig, G. (2023). A pilot randomized controlled trial comparing a novel compassion and metacognition approach for schizotypal personality disorder with a combination of cognitive therapy and psychopharmacological treatment. BMC psychiatry, 23(1), 113.

This episode describes Paranoid Personality Disorder including how it's diagnosed, how it develops and how its treated.

Most people don’t realize how deeply paranoia can shape a person's entire world and how misunderstood this silent struggle really is. In this episode, Dr. Kibby unpacks the complexity of paranoid personality disorder, revealing why so many suffer in silence, feeling unseen and alone.

Dr. Kibby dives into real stories, research, and the trauma roots behind paranoia, showing how childhood neglect and trauma can ignite a persistent fear that fuels distrust. She discusses how these traits develop, why they often co-occur with other disorders like borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, and the biological underpinnings (like hyperarousal systems and genetic factors) that drive paranoia.

Based on the small literature, Dr. Kibby suggests practical approaches for managing paranoia, emphasizing the power of awareness, small behavioral experiments, and trauma-informed therapies. She shares evidence-based cognitive-behavioral strategies that anyone with paranoid traits can use to challenge their fears, build trust, and slowly open up to connection.

This episode highlights that even severe personality traits are malleable and that healing is possible with the right support and understanding. Paranoia isn’t just about distrust- it’s a protective response rooted in trauma and biology. Understanding this can unlock a path toward more connection, more safety, and less loneliness.
Resources:

• Lee, R. J. (2017). Mistrustful and misunderstood: a review of paranoid personality disorder. Current behavioral neuroscience reports, 4(2), 151-165.

This episode explores the psychology behind the manosphere, online communities that promote men's power over women and resources.

Most men today feel more disempowered and lonely than ever, despite the world’s vast commitments of power and wealth. In this episode, Dr. Kibby exposes the psychological roots of the Manosphere- a shadowy online movement that preys on young men’s humiliation, disconnection, and search for purpose.

If you’re confused by how communities like incels and influencer figures like Andrew Tate manipulate masculinity, Dr. Kibby reveals the compelling truth behind their rise and the real power structures they serve. She uncovers the emotional and societal forces fueling the Manosphere, from the deep shame of rejection and emasculation to misguided evolutionary ideas that frame women as deceivers. This discussion breaks down how online communities exploit feelings of helplessness, offering false promises of dominance, wealth, and instant respect, which are all driven by a culture of humiliation and rage.

Dr. Kibby shares eye-opening examples from her own life, including the notorious Neil Strauss “pickup artist” movement to today’s high-profile social media figures, revealing the hypocrisy and hierarchy beneath the chaos. In this episode, you'll discover:

• The psychological triggers behind men joining the Manosphere, especially humiliation and loneliness
• How these communities distort evolutionary psychology to justify misogyny and power fantasies
• Why top male influencers maintain their dominance while most followers remain stuck in disempowerment
• Practical strategies for loved ones to support men in leaving these harmful narratives behind
• The broader societal implications of online misogyny, from mass shootings to ongoing abuse

The dangers of the manosphere creates a call to action for anyone invested in healthy masculinity and equal relationships. The real power lies in consciousness, community, and genuine respect - tune in to learn how to foster that in yourself and others.

Resources:

• Franklin-Paddock, B., Platow, M. J., & Ryan, M. K. (2025). From privilege to threat: unraveling psychological pathways to the manosphere. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 54(4), 1325-1340.

This episode delves into the silent struggle behind avoidant personality disorder, the crippling fear of rejection, and how treatment is finally making progress.

Are you or someone you love trapped in a cycle of loneliness and fear of rejection? Recent research and real-life case studies reveal powerful new insights about avoidant personality disorder, this deeply misunderstood disorder that’s likely more common than you think. Social avoidance is especially common now, as social media and remote life intensify those feelings of inferiority and rejection.

In this episode, Dr. Kibby dives into what avoidant personality disorder is, how it’s different from social anxiety, and how core beliefs of inferiority shape every aspect of life and relationships. She discusses how avoidant personality disorder stems from beliefs originating from unmet childhood needs, and how misguided coping mechanisms (e.g. withdrawing, self-criticism, and overthinking) perpetuate emotional pain.

Dr. Kibby breaks down the latest research, including a groundbreaking 2024 clinical trial testing cognitive behavioral therapy and schema therapy for this disorder. She shares compelling case examples, illustrating how understanding and gentle, sustained therapy can help individuals slowly soften their defenses, confront their fears, and build genuine connections.

If social rejection, shame, and feelings of worthlessness dominate your life or the life of someone you care about, this episode might explain why. Learn about innovative treatment strategies that target the core beliefs fueling avoidant traits and why patience and persistence are essential for lasting change.

Resources:

• Balje, A. E., Greeven, A., Deen, M., van Giezen, A. E., Arntz, A., & Spinhoven, P. (2024). Group schema therapy versus group cognitive behavioral therapy for patients with social anxiety disorder and comorbid avoidant personality disorder: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 104, 102860.
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• Kohli, T. K., Manjula, M., Arntz, A., & Reddy, Y. J. (2026). Schema Therapy for Avoidant Personality Disorder: Working with Dysfunctional Coping Modes. Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine, 02537176261418993.