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What happens when criticism feels like a physical blow? For some of you, rejection and criticism trigger an emotional response so intense it has its own name: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD).

In this episode, we deep into the painful world of RSD – that overwhelming feeling of shame and worthlessness that can follow even minor criticism for or rejection. Jacqueline shares a raw, personal story about crying in a supervisor's office following critical feedback, highlighting how even successful people can feel ambushed by the pain of rejection.

What's surprising is that the research shows that RSD is common with neurodivergent people with symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). We question whether RSD is truly unique to ADHD or if it's simply an intense manifestation of shame that's been given a clinical name. The neurobiological explanation involves differences in how the ADHD brain processes rejection, but we wonder if the real difference lies in how frequently people with ADHD face criticism throughout their lives for behaviors that are difficult to control.

We also cover practical coping strategies, exploring cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, leaning into and even celebrating the traits that often invite criticism. Perhaps most valuable is reframing ADHD traits as having both strengths and challenges, recognizing that spontaneity, creativity, and hyperfocus can be tremendous assets in the right context.

**We're excited to announce that our KulaMind community is finally open!! You'll get step-by-step tactics for how to overcome rejection sensitivity or other emotionally challenging relationships.

• Click here to get a 50% discount off your first month! 
• Want to learn more first? Book a free call with Dr. Kibby to learn more. 

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Ever wondered what reality TV can teach us about psychology? In this episode, we put our mental health expertise to "work" analyzing the relationship dynamics on the first 17 episodes of Season 7 of "Love Island USA,"  revealing fascinating patterns that mirror what therapists see in couples therapy every day. Tell us your thoughts using the "send us a text" link above!

The villa becomes our laboratory as we dissect the pursue-withdraw dynamic playing out between contestants like Ace and Amaya. Watch as we unpack how Ace masterfully maintains emotional distance while keeping women interested. His approach to "boundaries" offers a compelling case study in how this psychological concept can sometimes be misused in relationships.

We then turn our attention to Huda and Jeremiah, whose turbulent relationship showcases textbook anxious attachment behaviors. From the infamous "pancake incident" to America's devastating vote, we explore how Huda's core fear of abandonment drives her reactions, while Jeremiah's tendency to withdraw only intensifies the conflict. Their interactions reveal how quickly attachment patterns emerge under pressure, and why some contestants lock into relationships immediately while others maintain strategic distance.

Whether you're a Love Island fan or just curious about relationship psychology, we explore attachment styles, communication patterns, and emotional intelligence that apply far beyond the villa. 

**Join our KulaMind Community that launches Monday July 14th! 50% off the first month for podcast listeners! We share our expert tactics for managing our loved ones' mental and emotional issues.  Secure your spot at this founding member discount!

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Ever felt yourself going from calm to explosive in seconds flat? Or watched someone you care about transform into a raging stranger over something seemingly small? In this episode, we dive deep into the anatomy of emotional explosions - those high-conflict moments that can damage relationships and leave lasting scars. We unpack why these blowups happen, exploring how they often represent a reassertion of power when someone feels threatened, undermined, or disrespected. If you need more tips, get our free guide to De-Escalating Emotional Explosions. 

Drawing from relationship research and our clinical experience, we examine the triggers that spark these explosions. We talk about how many explosive relationships involve confusion between authentic self-expression and harmful communication patterns.

Recognizing John Gottman's "Four Horsemen" of relationship conflict (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling), we list practical strategies for defusing emotional explosions. Most importantly, we provide clear alternatives to these destructive patterns. Whether you're the one who explodes or you're walking on eggshells around someone who does, we offer compassionate understanding and actionable techniques to transform your communication. 

**Join our KulaMind Community that launches July 14th! 50% off the first month for podcast listeners! Our community is an exclusive group of people navigating their loved ones' mental health and emotional issues. You'll get direct coaching on proven strategies for managing emotional crises, communicating effectively, and supporting your loved ones without losing yourself. Learn more here. 

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Do you ever feel like you're walking on eggshells around someone who constantly needs reassurance? In this episode, we tackle anxious attachment from a different angle - not just what it feels like to be anxiously attached, but how that attachment style can impact the self-esteem and identity of those on the receiving end.

Drawing from personal experiences, we explore how anxious attachment manifests beyond just seeking love and reassurance. When someone constantly questions whether you love them enough, it can lead to profound questions about your character: Am I really selfish? Am I incapable of loving properly? We unpack the phenomenon of "projection," where anxiously attached people might interpret neutral actions through their lens of insecurity, creating narratives that shift how you see yourself. We also address how kernels of truth can be exploited to create damaging narratives - how normal human traits can be weaponized to support an anxious person's fear that they're not loved enough.

For both those with anxious attachment patterns and those on the receiving end or "the avoidant attached" folks, we offer practical strategies. Rather than pathologizing either side, we emphasize how understanding these dynamics can lead to healthier connections where both people's identities remain intact. 

**Do attachment insecurities mean blow-up fights in your relationship? We made something just for you: A guide to "De-Escalating Emotional Explosions."

**We have something really exciting coming up...Our KulaMind "From Chaos to Connection" course and community launches July 14th! There's a limited number of spots to keep the group intimate, so book a free call to apply.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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What happens when you can't understand what others are thinking or feeling? Why do some people constantly misinterpret your intentions? The answers lie in a fascinating psychological process called mentalization.

Mentalization—our ability to understand the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of others and ourselves—forms the foundation of healthy relationships. When this process goes awry, as it often does in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), relationships become minefields of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and confusion.

In this episode, we delve into Jacqueline's dissertation topic of how mentalization can go awry with deep shame and personality pathology.  Shame emerges as the critical factor that disrupts mentalization. Those with BPD often carry core beliefs about being defective or unlovable, coloring how they interpret others' thoughts about them. If you believe you're worthless, you'll likely assume others see you that way too, regardless of evidence. This creates patterns of negative assumptions without sufficient proof that can become self-fulfilling prophecies as relationships deteriorate.

The social media landscape introduces new challenges, bombarding us with inconsistent feedback that mirrors the chaotic responses some experienced in childhood. When hundreds love you and hundreds hate you simultaneously, how do you form a coherent sense of self?

Ready to learn more? Our community and group course launches July 14th—visit KulaMind.com to join the waitlist and gain the skills to navigate relationships with loved ones facing mental health challenges.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Ever wonder why holding your partner's hand during a stressful moment instantly calms you down? The answer lies in the fascinating neurobiological dance of co-regulation – when two nervous systems attune to and influence each other, creating safety, connection, and resilience that neither person could achieve alone.

In this episode, we explore the multidimensional nature of co-regulation in romantic relationships, moving beyond the simplistic idea that partners merely "calm each other down." Through personal stories – including TWO exciting life updates for Jacqueline! – we unpack how healthy relationships support each other across three different levels of connection.

The science is compelling. Research shows that a loving partner's touch literally reduces brain activity in regions associated with threat response. But we also tackle the shadow side: when does the need for co-regulation cross into dependency, control, or emotional manipulation? How do we balance healthy interdependence with personal responsibility for our emotional lives?

Whether you're currently partnered or not, understanding co-regulation reveals profound truths about human connection. We're biologically wired to share emotional burdens, amplify each other's joy, and create meaning together. By developing awareness of our emotional patterns and protective mechanisms, we can transform relationships from battlegrounds into sanctuaries where both people feel safe enough to be fully themselves.

***If you're like "wow that sounds good, but I have NO idea how to co-regulate with my partner," then you've come to the right place- that's what we teach at KulaMind. We're launching our exclusive KulaMind community July 14th, which we're not technically supposed to tell you yet...oh well. 

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Feeling stuck in the same arguments with your partner? Does it feel like a cycle of one of you is chasing and the other is running away? In this episode, we talk about the problematic cycle behind recurring relationship conflicts through the lens of Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT).

We break down the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic: that frustrating cycle where one person pushes for connection while the other pulls away. What looks like rejection or criticism on the surface actually masks deeper attachment needs and fears. You may be the one desperately trying to get your partner to engage, or one who shuts down when emotions run high.

We argue that pursuers and withdrawers are actually fighting for the relationship in their own ways. Drawing from recent EFT research and our personal experiences, these patterns develop from childhood experiences and attachment styles. 

We also talk about important strategies for breaking this pursue-withdrawal cycle of disconnection. For example, we cover TEMPO framework that helps couples identify what triggers their defensive reactions and how to communicate underlying needs more effectively. We also discuss how co-regulation and vulnerability can break destructive cycles and create deeper connection. 

**If you are in a relationship with someone struggling with explosive emotions, you may be caught in these destructive cycles. Book a free call with Dr. Kibby to learn about how the KulaMind program helps people like you break the cycle.

Resources:

• Johnson, S. (2022). The hold me tight workbook: a couple's guide for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown Spark.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Have you ever had the unsettling realization that perhaps you don't like yourself very much? That underneath all your accomplishments, relationships, and hard work, there's a persistent voice whispering that you're somehow fundamentally flawed? In this very personal episode, we dive into the connection between childhood trauma and the development of negative core beliefs that can manifest as self-loathing. When children experience abuse or emotional neglect, especially from parents who refuse to acknowledge their harmful behavior, the child often internalizes the belief that they're inherently bad, broken, or unlovable.

What makes this particularly painful is how these beliefs become woven into the fabric of our identity. The path toward healing begins with recognizing that self-hatred isn't your true voice—it's a protective strategy developed when you had no other options. By approaching these disowned parts with curiosity and compassion rather than fear, we can begin to release their grip on our lives. While we may never receive the validation and accountability we deserve from those who hurt us, we can find new ways to nurture and accept those wounded parts of ourselves.

Whether you're struggling with self-criticism or supporting someone who is, this episode offers an intimate peek into understanding how early trauma shapes our relationship with ourselves and practical steps toward reclaiming the parts we've been taught to fear and hate. 

**If you or someone you love struggles with self hatred, book a call to see how Dr. Kibby with KulaMind can help. 

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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The invisible connection between trauma and sexual intimacy affects countless relationships, yet remains largely hidden in silence and shame. In this episode, we dive deep into why PTSD creates significant barriers to healthy sexual function—even when the original trauma had nothing to do with sex.

Sexual arousal shares remarkable physiological similarities with threat response, creating a devastating paradox for trauma survivors. The racing heart, flushed skin, and heightened sensitivity that should signal pleasure become warning signs of danger to a traumatized nervous system. Beyond the physiological responses, trauma rewires our capacity for connection.  Partners often interpret this withdrawal as personal rejection, creating a destructive cycle that leaves both feeling isolated and misunderstood.

If you or someone you love struggles with trauma's impact on intimacy, know that recovery is possible. Effective trauma treatment can help break the association between arousal and threat. Partners play a crucial role by educating themselves about PTSD, creating safety without enabling avoidance, and maintaining patience through the healing process. Digital self-help resources and specialized trauma therapy can provide accessible starting points for reconnecting with your capacity for intimacy after trauma.

**Have you noticed how trauma affects your relationships? Healing happens when we break the silence around these struggles. If you walk to talk through it and get help, book a call with Dr. Kibby.

Resources:

• PTSD Coach Mobile app

• Rebound Health

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Do we always have to choose between caring for ourselves vs. caring for others? Nope! Dr. Jordan Quaglia, associate professor at Naropa University, introduces us to "We-Care" – a revolutionary approach to caring that blends self-care and caring for others into an integrated practice where they mutually reinforce each other.

Drawing from over a decade of research in mindfulness, compassion, and boundaries, Dr. Quaglia explains how self-care has evolved from a medical term to today's ubiquitous wellness practice, but suggests we're now ready for something more interconnected. 

The conversation delves into "care blind spots" – patterns in how we approach care that remain invisible to us. Some people habitually prioritize others at their own expense, while others may emphasize self-care to the point of undermining their social connections. 

When discussing boundaries, Dr.  Quaglia challenges conventional wisdom. Rather than seeing boundaries merely as expressions of self-care, he reframes them as actions that modify social situations to better align with our needs, values, and goals – while remaining awake to how our boundaries affect others. Healthy boundaries, when rooted in We-Care, balance both protection and connection.

At the end of the conversation, Dr. Quaglia leads us through a "reverse self-compassion" practice that embodies We-Care principles, showing us what Dr. Qualia calls an "undivided heart" – the capacity to hold both self-care and care for others simultaneously.

***If you have a loved one with mental illness and struggle to set boundaries, take care of yourself AND them at the same time, book a call with Dr. Kibby to learn how the KulaMind program can help. 

Resources:

• Check out Dr. Quaglia's new book hot off the presses: "From Self-Care to WeCare: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from an Undivided Heart"
• Dr. Quaglia's IG @mindfulboundaries

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com