A Little Help For Our Friends

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Ever felt like your worth depends on how useful you are to other people? Turning the big 4-0 pushed me to confront a lifelong habit of people pleasing. In this episode, I talk about people pleasing: how it took root in chaos, hid behind “being nice,” and quietly drained my energy, confidence, and joy. I unpack what research says about what "people pleasing" is, how chronic pleasing links to mental health issues, and why so many of us end up orbiting charismatic "takers" who love the spotlight while we shrink to keep them happy.

I dig into the "Echo- Narcissus Syndrome": the dynamic between a people-pleaser and a narcissist. I talk about my own tendency to fall into the Echo-Narcissus Syndrome and how it's destroyed my relationships in the past. Then I walk through the practical, evidence-based strategies for breaking free of this syndrome. I'm learning to receiving without guilt, choosing mutual relationships over one-way giving, and navigating holiday pressures without abandoning myself. 

If you also find yourself falling into toxic dynamics where you give and give and give while losing yourself, then this episode is for you. Together, we can figure out how to honor our empathy & generosity without feeling used. 

Resources:

• Moral-Jiménez, M. D. L. V., & Mena-Baumann, A. (2024). Emotional Dependence and Narcissism in Couple Relationships: Echo and Narcissus Syndrome. Behavioral Sciences, 14(12), 1190.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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A mother, a son, and a community caught between love and stigma: the new movie "Rosemead" (produced by Lucy Liu) hits like a quiet earthquake. After watching the early screening, I ugly-cried when I found out that it was based on a true story. Because the story tackles the complexities of loving someone with mental illness, I just had to talk about it here. In this episode, I sit down with "Rosemead" actor Anzi De Benedetto to unpack how a true story about schizophrenia, grief, and culture moves beyond clichés and into the messy details of real life. What does support look like when friends don’t have the right language? How does a family navigate care when stigma and “face” loom over every choice?

Anzi shares his path to the role of Stan, a well-intentioned friend whose lighthearted validation brings comfort, but only to a certain level. We explore the line between empathy and minimization, the moment when a “pep talk” must give way to professional help, and why understanding psychosis as an ongoing condition, not just a singular event. The conversation expands into the cultural dynamics inside Chinese American communities depicted in the film.

Still reeling from the emotional impact of the movie, I had to ask Anzi about his journey with acting that brought him to "Rosemead." He offers a rare look into the acting craft as emotional science: breathwork, body cues, and set safety over mythology, mirroring the same regulation skills I also teach. 

If Rosemead is screening near you, go see it and tell us what you think. Fair warning- it's not for the faint of heart. Bring tissues. 

Resources:

• Follow Anzi on his Instagram: @its_anzi
• Get updates on "Rosemead": @rosemeadfilm

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Holiday gatherings promise connection, but so many of us walk in bracing for old patterns: the comment that lands like a dart, the sibling rivalry that never grew up, the invisible work of keeping the peace. In this episode, I delve into  why this season can feel so raw and how to survive it when your family reunions don't resemble a Hallmark card.

I also talk about this year’s surge in anxiety and grief, the rise in estrangement, and the isolation that lingers after the holiday lights come down in January. This time might be stressful under normal circumstances, but it's a whole other thing when you have dysfunctional or even "toxic" family.

If you're stuck in old unhealthy patterns with your family, you might not realize how much holding onto a "healing fantasy" is keeping you trapped. I unpack the concept of a “healing fantasy,” that deep, often hidden wish that a parent will finally see you, a sibling will get help, or conflict will stop for good. Then I suggest some practical tools from DBT that will get you focused on what really matters to you this holiday season.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Ever feel a conversation snap from “let’s talk” to “we’re yelling” in seconds? When you find yourself butting heads with someone over a "sensitive" topic, it can seem impossible to get on the same page. In this episode, I unpack a research-backed way to dissolve stalemates and actually influence change without steamrolling the person you love. The trick isn’t the perfect comeback: it’s validation, or "tactical empathy."

I talk about the clinical science behind validation that reveals why it's so powerful biologically. Then I talk through practical steps for using validation to go from talking AT each other to talking TO each other. These strategies lowers defensiveness, overwhelm, and hostility. Then, I walk through everyday examples (from talking about drinking and mental health to bedtime battles with a stubborn toddler)and show how to pivot from adversaries to teammates facing the same problem.

I also cover what to do when someone shuts down entirely, how to validate the wall itself, and why this approach is especially powerful with sadness and shame. If you’ve been stuck in circular fights, these tools can open a path to collaboration, progress, and a little peace at home.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Are you avoiding talking to your kids about topics that are just...awkward? In this episode, I chat with Dr. Elsa Friis, clinical psychologist and VP of Product at Alongside, to unpack a practical way to tackle taboo topics (sex, porn, consent, screens) without burning the bridge you’re trying to build. 

Dr. Friis takes us from a group home with twelve boys to community-led parenting programs in Kenya, showing how cultural humility changes results. Warmth, respect, and safety are universal, but a mismatch in how love is shown fuels conflict. We dig into concrete tools: visual schedules that calm bedtime battles, shared calendars that grow autonomy, and “ice cream chats” that make awkward feel doable. We outline scripts for starting the sex conversation early, framing online exposure without shame, and setting boundaries that still invite honesty.

We also explore how technology can extend, not replace, human care. Alongside for Families uses an AI wellness coach to help parents and youth practice tough conversations, build study plans, and share the right info at the right time. Teens get a private space with clear safety rails; parents receive high-level summaries and immediate alerts for risks like self-harm. 

Resources:

• Dr. Friis is giving Little Helpers a free 30 days to Alongside with the discount code FRIEND30! Try it here: https://www.alongside.care/family

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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What if you've tried everything, but are still depressed? Did you know that  one third of people with depression don’t get enough relief from antidepressants? In this episode, I talk to psychiatrist and CMO of Neuronetics, Dr. Geoffrey Grammer, about what should people do when our mainstream treatments for depression fails us. He sheds light on new advancements for treatment-resistant depression: transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) and nasal esketamine, two evidence-based treatments that target the brain differently and raise the odds after meds stall.

We first talk about just how disappointing traditional medications and psychotherapies can be for chronically depressed patients. Then, Dr. Grammer explains how TMS works (precise, noninvasive brain stimulation that strengthens underactive mood circuits), what a session feels like, timelines for improvement, and why side effects are minimal compared to systemic drugs. We also explore nasal esketamine (Spravato) and how it works. Along the way, we dig into augmentation meds, common pitfalls, and the role of psychotherapy in turning short-term gains into lasting change.

Real patient stories ground the science in hope: remission after years of struggle, renewed presence with family, and the hard-won confidence that life can feel different. If you’ve tried two antidepressants without clear progress or hate the side effects, your next step shouldn’t be “another pill” - it should be to advocate for yourself with your providers and explore these new options.

Resources:

• NeuroStar website: https://neurostar.com/
• NeuroStar's assessment quiz for depression: https://neurostar.com/self-assessment-for-depression/
• Find a doctor page: https://neurostar.com/enter-zip-code/?as=0
• Connect to Dr. Grammer on social:
  • https://www.instagram.com/NeuroStarAdvancedTMS/
  • https://www.facebook.com/NeuroStarAdvancedTMS/
  • https://www.youtube.com/user/NeuroStarTMSTherapy

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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What if the “problem behavior” you see- anger, anxiety, avoidance, endless scrolling- is your kid’s way of shielding against something deeper? In this episode, I chat with Dr. Marcus Rodriguez, director of the Youth and Family Institute and tenured professor at Pitzer College, about what parents can do when their young adult children struggle with adulting. We dig into when these young adults hit a wall, their nervous systems recruit anger, anxiety, and shame to avoid the pain of “I can’t.” Understanding that function changes how we respond at home.

With DBT expert Dr. Rodriguez, we unpack why this generation can be deeply caring and also overwhelmed by information designed to agitate. From algorithm-driven feeds that reward outrage to climate fear and economic uncertainty, young people face a flood of threats their brains aren’t built to regulate alone. We talk about wild cases of kids getting trapped in upsetting content loops and what media literacy and parent coaching can do to break that cycle.

We translate big ideas into everyday moves that you can use with your kids today. If you’re parenting a teen in their room, a college student off-track, or a 20-something stuck in avoidance, this conversation offers a practical, hopeful roadmap. 

If you need more help knowing what to do to help your children struggling with emotions, join KulaMind.

Resources:

• Dr. Rodriguez provides family DBT through his clinic in Los Angeles, Youth and Family Institute. 

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

Ever walk away from a conversation feeling like the villain in someone else’s story? In this episode, I dig into projection—the defense that pushes a person’s unwanted traits and feelings onto you—and show how it warps reality, fuels gaslighting, and leaves loved ones doubting their own character.

I break down the differences between borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder in plain terms: emotion dysregulation versus self-image dysregulation, and how people with both disorders often project  onto their loved ones. I also talk about my training in Transference Focused Psychotherapy to illustrate how expert clinicians address patients who don't want to take accountability for their own insecurities.

Even if you're not a trained clinician, I share practical strategies for defending against someone's projection, like how to reality-check without spiraling, validate feelings without accepting a false story, resist over-explaining when logic won’t land, and set boundaries. If you love someone who struggles with BPD, NPD, or emotional immaturity, this episode helps you stay steady, compassionate, and clear about who you are.

*If this topic resonates and you're struggling with someone who's making you feel blamed and confused, book a free call with me (Dr. Kibby) to learn how KulaMind can get you grounded in your reality again.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

Little Helpers, this is a new era for this community: This is my first episode as the solo host of "A Little Help For Our Friends." It's Dr. Kibby and we're saying goodbye to my beloved co-host, Jacqueline Trumbull as she moves on from this podcast. This will be a new phase focused on what made this community matter from day one: centering caregivers, loved ones, people-pleasers, and supporters who carry the unseen weight of mental illness and addiction.

I revisit the show’s roots in evidence-based tools and how it grew into something braver—real stories about dating, divorce, near-death experiences, and the messy work of healing. I cover ethical storytelling, protecting privacy, and navigating the fallout when personal narratives collide with public platforms, including (gasp!) a legal threat.

The heart of this episode explores identity and roles: how duos create chemistry and cages, how therapists are trained to be “non-persons,” and why an audience hungers for a human voice over a blank slate. I lay out where we’re headed next—deep dives into secure attachment, nervous system regulation, family dynamics, and communication that actually works—alongside a slate of guests from neuroscience, therapy, and creative fields. Expect practical skills, warmer storytelling, and more of the full person behind the mic, from Berlin chapters to yoga studios to the moments that don’t come packaged as lessons.

This show remains the official podcast of KulaMind, a community made for loved ones who want connection, skills, and a place to be seen. It's also the company I literally built from my bed while trying to beat cancer.

Little Helpers, this is your space- Share your stories, tell me when I'm wrong, and shape what comes next. Email me at [email protected].

 If this podcast has helped you feel less alone—or if you’re just finding us now—subscribe, leave a five-star review, and pass the episode to a friend who needs a steady voice today. It's our time now.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

To open Season 6 with a bang, we start where most hot takes end: with a self-aware narcissist describing his collapse, the shame behind the mask, and the painstaking choices that made empathy real. Jordan Monroe, a former tech founder turned emotional healing coach, joins us to explore a grounded path out of grandiosity, defensiveness, and reality wars—without dismissing the deep harm survivors endure.

We dig into what actually shifts behavior. Jordan explains why many narcissists don’t lack empathy so much as defend against it, and how guided “heart-opening” experiences help clients feel another person’s pain without spiraling. That visceral “ow” moment rewires daily habits: listening before defending, noticing a partner’s needs without being asked, and choosing small acts of care that build trust. 

If you love someone with narcissistic traits, the boundary playbook here is essential. Jordan’s partner models how to stop self-abandoning: pause conversations when defensiveness spikes, withdraw energy from harmful dynamics, and nourish yourself so re-engagement comes from strength. We share practical, incremental boundaries that keep you safe and force clarity, whether the relationship heals or you exit whole. For anyone navigating narcissistic abuse, healing narcissism, or rebuilding intimacy, this is a compassionate, no-nonsense guide anchored in accountability.

Don't miss this episode, as this is our last episode with Jacqueline Trumbull! Stay tuned for the next episode that'll map out the road ahead for "A Little Help For Our Friends"

Resources:

• Heal Narcissism: Jordan's program 
• Jordan's Instagram @the.recovering.narcissist
• If you're experiencing narcissistic abuse or affected by someone else's narcissism, join Dr. Kibby's KulaMind community to learn how to heal and set healthy boundaries. 

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com