A Little Help For Our Friends

This episode breaks down practical strategies for getting more out of therapy and the common mistakes that can quietly get in the way of real progress.

Have you ever left a therapy session feeling better for an hour, only to find yourself stuck in the exact same patterns a week later? Or wondered why someone can spend years in therapy without seeming to change?

In this episode, Dr. Kibby explores the habits that often prevent therapy from being effective. She talks about emotional avoidance, people pleasing, staying in "problem talk" instead of focusing on change, and why honesty with your therapist matters more than trying to be the "perfect" client. She also explains how to choose the right therapist, what questions to ask before starting treatment, and why the work that happens between sessions is just as important as what happens during them.

Whether you're in therapy yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical ways to make treatment more meaningful and increase the chances that it leads to lasting change.

Resources:

- Chapman, A. L., & Rosenthal, M. Z. (2016). Managing therapy-interfering behavior: Strategies from dialectical behavior therapy. American Psychological Association.

This episode shares practical strategies for how to talk to a loved one who is struggling with mental health about getting therapy.

Have you ever said to someone "You need therapy" or "why don't you get help?" when they seem like they're struggling? Then what do you do if your loved one clearly needs help but feels defensive, misunderstood, or convinced that therapy isn’t the answer? And what happens when your urgency to help only makes them push back harder? In this episode, Dr. Kibby breaks down why people resist treatment, how shame, fear, and loss of autonomy can get in the way, and why trying to convince someone usually backfires. She explains how to shift from pressure to partnership by listening first, validating their experience, finding common ground, and focusing on the outcome you both want. Along the way, she shares real-life examples from family, relationships, and clinical work, including how to support someone who is in crisis while still preserving dignity whenever possible.

Dr. Kibby also breaks down science-backed, methods that clinicians use to talk to someone about engaging in treatment. She goes through the LEAP method and motivational interviewing techniques that work with people who need help but don't think they have a problem. Whether you’re dealing with a partner, parent, adult child, or friend, this episode offers a clear framework for having harder conversations with more empathy, less conflict, and a better chance of real change.

Resources:

• Need help dealing with a difficult family member who's struggling with mental health? Dr. Kibby can help through her program⁠⁠ KulaMind⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Books on the LEAP method

In this episode, Dr. Kibby shares her deeply personal story of infertility, attachment trauma, and the unexpected path that led her to motherhood.

How do you build a family when the journey doesn’t go the way you planned? And what happens when control, willpower, and even the best-laid plans aren’t enough? In this honest and vulnerable episode, Dr. Kibby opens up about the heartbreak, uncertainty, and inner work that shaped her path to becoming a mother. She explains why trusting her gut became the turning point in her journey, and how letting go of rigid expectations made space for something greater than she imagined. Along the way, she reveals how attachment trauma influenced her relationships, how emotional safety and vulnerability became essential, and why infertility is so much more complex than most people realize. She talks about the limits of pure logic when it comes to family, the role of intuition in life-changing decisions, and how faith, surrender, and resilience can help us move through the unknown.

Whether you’re navigating fertility challenges, relationship pain, or simply trying to trust yourself more deeply, this episode offers compassion, insight, and hope.If you’ve ever wondered whether you should keep pushing, let go, or trust your inner voice, this conversation will meet you where you are. You’ll leave with a new perspective on motherhood, healing, and the surprising ways a family can come together.

Resources:

• Need help dealing with a difficult family member who's struggling with mental health? Dr. Kibby can help through her program⁠ KulaMind⁠

• ⁠Follow Dr. Kibby on Instagram⁠

• Dr. Kibby telling the story of ⁠The Story Collider⁠

In this episode, Dr. Amy Todey joins Dr. Kibby to talk about the generational divide in modern families and how families can navigate difficult relationships.

Are Boomer parents all narcissists? Or are the younger generations just fragile snowflakes? In this episode, Dr. Amy Todey joins Dr. Kibby to discuss how the generational divide in family relationships is deeper (and more fragile) than most of us realize. Dr. Amy Todey is a clinical psychologist who specializes in coparenting and family relationships. In this conversation, she reveals why conflicts between parents, adult children, and grandparents often stem from misaligned values and unspoken wounds, and how understanding these differences can lead to repair, not rupture. She shares surprising insights on why modern families fracture, how labels like "narcissist" obscure the real issues, and the quiet power of boundaries rooted in love and accountability. They also discuss the risk of the rise in "cut-off" or estrangement culture.

In this eye-opening conversation, you'll discover practical frameworks for navigating emotional safety and reconciliation across generations. Dr. Todey discusses the importance of honoring your own story while holding space for others’, offering concrete strategies to set boundaries without severing connections. She explores how societal shifts are fueling family conflicts, and what you can do to foster belonging despite these tensions. Dr. Kibby and Dr. Todey explore how to recognize when to cut off or lean in, the role of forgiveness in healing familial wounds, and the common pitfalls that keep families stuck in cycles of estrangement.

Whether you're navigating the challenges of aging parents, estranged siblings, or strained grandparent relationships, you'll leave with tangible tools to foster understanding, love, and resilience in your family, no matter how complex or imperfect.

Resources:

• Need help dealing with a difficult family member? Dr. Kibby can help through her program KulaMind
• Dr. Amy Todey's Website
• Dr. Amy Todey's Instagram

This episode explores the biology and nature of anger in borderline personality disorder ("BPD Rage") and practical strategies family members, friends and partners can use to respond to BPD rage.

Some people get angry, while some people just see red. In this episode, Dr. Kibby lifts the veil on what’s happening in the brain during these emotional storms and shares proven strategies to manage, soothe, and respond effectively. You might feel helpless as your loved one spirals into a rage that lasts for hours, fueled by triggers deep in their brain’s emotional wiring. Dr. Kibby unpacks why BPD rage is so overwhelming, rooted in hyper-reactive amygdalas, weak prefrontal regulation, and a cascade of shame and rejection fears. It's not about bad character or being "evil," but a biological response, amplified by social triggers like betrayal, abandonment, or misunderstood intentions. These emotional storms often appear suddenly, with the flip of a switch, and how they can mimic psychosis or demon-like behavior, leaving loved ones terrified and powerless. Dr. Kibby breaks down the neuroscience behind BPD rage, including the brain’s regulatory pathways.

Then, the conversation offers practical, research-backed communication techniques that help de-escalate these heightened states. Dr. Kibby shares specific scripts and real-life stories that reveal how these tools can prevent escalation, reduce personal attacks, and promote healing instead of blame. Learn why acknowledging the emotional experience, rather than dismissing it, is crucial for injury prevention and long-term connection. Most importantly, she emphasizes that setting boundaries around dangerous behavior isn’t about blame- it’s about safety and self-care. Whether you’re a parent, partner, or therapist, this episode offers a compassionate, no-nonsense blueprint to handle BPD rage.

Resources:

• Talk to Dr. Kibby about KulaMind⁠, where she supports people dealing with their loved ones' emotional issues
• Mitolo, M., D’Adda, F., Evangelisti, S., Pellegrini, L., Gramegna, L. L., Bianchini, C., ... & Tonon, C. (2024). Emotion dysregulation, impulsivity and anger rumination in borderline personality disorder: the role of amygdala and insula. European archives of psychiatry and clinical neuroscience, 274(1), 109-116.

This episode describes how to respond when a teen, adolescent or young adult says they want to hurt themselves or kill themselves.

It's horrifying when someone as young as 12-20 years old says they want to take their own life. When a teen or young adult confesses thoughts of hurting themselves or even hints at a plan, panic often kicks in...but what you do next can mean the difference between life and tragedy. In this episode, Dr. Kibby describes how you can transform fear into effective, life-saving support. If you're a parent, clinician, educator, or anyone caring for at-risk youth, this episode will change your perspective on how to handle these terrifying moments with compassion, clarity, and confidence. In this honest conversation, you'll discover why traditional reactions often do more harm than good and how shifting from control to understanding can unlock trust and safety.

Dr. Kibby shares insights from her nearly lifelong work with mental health crises as well as adolescent and family Dialectical Behavior Therapy expert Dr. Marcus Rodriguez. Drawing from what she learned from Dr. Rodriguez, she emphasizes the importance of treating the whole family and system instead of isolated individuals. You'll learn why vague answers from teens are actually a sign of trust-building, not apathy or indifference, and how impulsivity heightens the risk of dangerous behaviors that require immediate, delicate intervention. We break down practical, step-by-step frameworks for assessing suicidality, from asking direct questions about plans and access to means, to understanding the importance of safety measures like environment restriction and involving the support system. You’ll hear specific scripts designed to validate pain without validating harmful coping strategies, and how to balance genuine empathy with concrete safety protocols.

The core message: you’re not just stopping a moment of crisis- you're working with the teen, their family, and their community, to understand their pain and help them find hope. Interpersonal triggers like breakups, bullying, and social rejection are particularly devastating for teens, and how they differ from adult experiences. Dr. Kibby describes how you can meet teens where they are, by respecting their vague answers, impulsive actions, and emotional intensity, and why working systemically is essential for lasting safety.

Remember: Asking directly about suicide does not plant the idea; it saves lives. Whether you’re facing an immediate crisis or working to prevent one, this episode is your essential guide to understanding and intervening with care, respect, and hope.

Trigger warning: Sensitive topics discussed include self-harm, suicidal ideation, and family trauma.If you’re involved with teens or young adults, or if you simply want to learn how to support someone in their darkest hour, this episode is a must-listen.

Resources:

• Parents, partners and other loved ones of people struggling with self harm and suicide, check out ⁠⁠KulaMind⁠⁠. Book a free call with Dr. Kibby to learn how she can help.
• Adolescents, teens and families in California in crisis should learn about Dr. Rodriguez's Dialectical Behavior Therapy program at Youth and Family Institute

This episode explores the complexities of Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and its impact on relationships.

Are you close to someone who's charming but unreliable, impulsive, and manipulative? Dr. Kibby delves into the behaviors often associated with ASPD, a personality disorder that comes with a pattern of violating other people's rights, lack of empathy, and dangerous behaviors for thrill or power. She discusses nuanced differences between ASPD and other disorders, and learn how to navigate relationships with individuals who exhibit these traits.

Dr. Kibby discusses potential treatments, including cognitive behavioral therapy and mentalization-based therapy, and offers strategies for loved ones to set boundaries and motivate change. This episode is essential for anyone struggling to understand a loved one's challenging behavior and seeking effective ways to cope and connect.

Resources:

If you need support with a difficult relationship with someone who has mental health problems (antisocial personality disorder, narcissism, anger issues, BPD, trauma), check out ⁠KulaMind⁠. Book a free call with Dr. Kibby to learn how she can help.

This episode dives into the mental health conditions and behaviors often mistaken for narcissism.

When someone you love struggles with mental health and acts selfishly, the internet will immediately tell you that they're "a narcissist." However, you might be overlooking an underlying condition that just looks like narcissism on the surface. In this episode, Dr. Kibby reveals the five disorders frequently confused with narcissistic personality disorder, including: 1. borderline personality disorder; 2. attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD); 3. autism, 4. complex post traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD), and 5.obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).

Dr. Kibby breaks down why these five conditions share similar behavior as narcissistic personality disorder but have critical differences in deeper motivation, triggers and beliefs. For example, BPD’s intense fear of abandonment mirrors narcissistic fears of devaluation, yet stems from different core needs. Understand how autism’s social deficits and rigid rules can appear as arrogance but are rooted in neurodivergent processes. Trauma disorders like complex PTSD create self-protective behaviors in relationships, driven by past wounds needing healing. ADHD can be mistaken for selfishness, reflecting impulsivity and attention struggles.

This episode is essential if you’re frustrated by how a loved one's treating you but you get the sense that the label "narcissist" doesn't tell the whole story. Misdiagnosing these conditions can lead to frustration and missed opportunities for connection. Learn the nuanced distinctions that empower you to respond with empathy and insight, whether in personal relationships or professional settings.

Resources:

• If you need support with a difficult relationship with someone who has mental health problems (narcissism, anger issues, BPD, trauma), check out KulaMind. Book a free call with Dr. Kibby to learn how she can help.

This episode breaks down what manipulation is and why it's so common in relationships with people struggling with mental health. It also gives actionable strategies for resisting the effects of manipulation.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you found it hard to think for yourself? You somehow make decisions that are out of character and doubt yourself so much, you're not sure what's real? In this episode, Dr. Kibby exposes the truth behind these tactics: what manipulation really is, how it shows up, and most importantly, how to regain control.

Deep dive ahead: you'll discover why manipulation isn’t always "evil," but an abuse of normal strategies for communication and social influence. We're being manipulated all the time by ads, entertainment, sales, and even our health providers. But it becomes harmful when it robs you of your autonomy and sacrifices your wellbeing for the manipulator's gain. Dr. Kibby unpacks concrete tactics, like gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love withdrawal, surveillance, and coercive control, that abusers use to undermine your decision-making. She explores how these tactics often leverage your vulnerabilities and blur your sense of choice and agency, whether in romantic, family, or workplace dynamics.

Feeling manipulated is common in relationships with people with mental illnesses like borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or trauma. Actually BOTH the individual with disorders and their loved ones often feel manipulated. Dr. Kibby also breaks down the research behind manipulation in BPD and narcissistic abuse.

Why does this matter? Because understanding these subtle tactics can protect your mental well-being, help you spot emotional tricks early, and empower you to set healthier boundaries. This episode offers practical strategies and tools to disarm manipulation’s grip and reclaim your personal agency. Whether you're navigating toxic family ties, romantic relationships, or workplace conflicts, this episode reveals the unseen manipulative tactics at play and how to dismantle them.

Resources:

• If you need more hands-on help with feeling manipulated by people with mental health or addiction challenges, check out ⁠KulaMind

This episode talks about setting healthy boundaries in high-conflict relationships with people who have intense, dysregulated emotions.

If you're in an emotionally charged or high-conflict relationship, you struggle to say "no" or assert yourself. If you’ve ever felt blindsided, criticized, or powerless in high-conflict moments with loved ones, this episode reveals the proven framework that transforms chaos into clarity. Dr. Kibby talks about common mistakes with setting boundaries that make things even worse. Because boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, she shares the secret sauce from Dialectical Behavior Therapy and clinical science to set boundaries that stick without escalating fights. You’ll learn how to communicate precisely, protect your autonomy, and foster genuine connection even when emotions run high.

Plus, she shares real-life examples (like managing rage outbursts from loved ones with trauma or mental health challenges) and how to respond without losing your mind or your heart. Whether you’re navigating family drama, a difficult partner, or teen conflicts, mastering these boundary skills can prevent burnout and create healthier, more resilient relationships. Tune in and learn how to turn high-conflict moments into opportunities for growth and mutual understanding.

Resources:

• If you need more hands-on help with setting boundaries in your high-conflict relationships, check out KulaMind