Kayla Lords talks about a special feature of her D/s relationship with John Brownstone – the Tough Love clause. It’s what allows her to “tell” her Daddy Dominant what she thinks he needs to do in tough or stressful situations. In their 24/7 relationship, he always has the last word but the Tough Love clause gives her the freedom to speak her mind when what she has to say may be less than popular – without being seen as disrespectful.

From this episode:

* The Tough Love clause was part of the renegotiations when Kayla and John moved in together.

* Dominants work hard to take care of their submissive, especially when a submissive may resist the help.

* How can a submissive help a Dominant in the same way? Kayla’s idea: the Tough Love clause.

* The Tough Love clause allows a submissive to tell a Dominant hard truths about their care and well-being.

* She asked, he agreed.

* It comes down to trust.

* The Tough Love clause is used only as necessary

* His sister’s death: Lessons Learned from Grief, Chaos, and Love

* Medical issues

* Work and life stress

* The Tough Love clause isn’t nagging, harping, or making someone feel bad. It’s done out of love but must be used carefully.

* Ultimately, the decision remains his.

* Kayla wants to know – do you have a similar “clause” in your D/s relationship? If not, will you consider it now? Drop her a line to let her know!

As always, if you have a question or topic suggestion for a future episode, feel free to contact Kayla or John directly.

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Scroll down for full transcript.

Full Transcript

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 9. Today, I’m going to share something from our D/s relationship called the Tough Love clause. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords. And stalk John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes. Now, let’s get into the show.

When John Brownstone and I first moved in together, June of 2014 in case you wondered, we had a lot of discussions about how our relationship would change. We’d been doing the long distance D/s thing for well over a year, and we knew living together would change almost everything.

Living apart meant that we could – usually – show our best selves to each other. Even if we were having a bad day, we could perk up for a phone call or two. But what would it be like when we lived together and would see every minute detail – the good, the bad, and the ugly?

As you can imagine, we discussed rules, tasks, routines, expectations. Any decent Dominant takes the care and well-being of his or her submissive very seriously. They’re trying to build us up to become all that we can be – both in kinky and non-kinky ways. Sometimes that comes in the form of tough love – making us take care of ourselves, making us deal with issues we’d rather ignore, making us face demons instead of hide away from them.