Adoption: The Making of Me. An Oral History of Adoptee Stories

Adam was adopted from Huentitán el Alto, in Jalisco, Mexico. Ron and Wendy had already adopted a son so they planned on adopting a girl as their second child to be named Amy but she suddenly passed away and out of distraught they told the lawyer to give them the next baby available, me. They changed names from Amy to Adam.

Adam always felt different, like from another world. He exhibited signs of abandonment issues early on never allowing his mother to leave him without crying. In hindsight, he can say it was because he didn’t think she would come back. Not in the sense that other kids cry for their mom to pick them up, he thought she might never come back. This fear of being left developed well into his teens and adulthood in the form of abusive relationships which he would never leave and manifested into several life-threatening situations. 

To couple this, Adam experienced an Identity crisis and at the age of 17, he felt as if his name no longer fit him. He wasn’t Juan Carlos anymore (his birth name) but he no longer felt comfortable claiming the full name his adoptive parents gave him. He legally changed it to keep Adam and to have Esparza Plascencia as his surname, given to him at birth. Maybe he could feel as if he was a part of both. He knew his name because he kept his adoption certificate, more or less a one-page contract that his birth mother signed in pen, Maria De Jesus Esparza Plascencia. At times when he was left alone with his thoughts he would trace the engraved ink on the parchment to bring him closer to her. To try and feel her sentiment. 

Adam works as Director for a CBO (Community Based Organization) specializing in youth outreach in elementary schools through the Queens, NY borough and is licensed by the OCFS (The Office of Children and Family Services). As his journey to reunion continues he is also happy to announce a new position as one of several Ambassadors representing The Adoptee Mentoring Society, a community giving light to the adoptee narrative and providing support for adoptees, by adoptees. 

Through his catharsis and above all else he has come to the realization that the road back to oneself is not external after all but inside each and everyone of us just the same. For Adam, it was time to let go of “being let go of”. By sharing his own healing process he hopes to enable other adoptees along the winding road we all have in common. 

You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker 
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

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Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. The next meeting is on January 4th @ 1 pm ET.

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Melissa was adopted at birth in 1965 in Little Rock, AR. Her adoptive parents were able to take her home at five days old straight from the hospital since it was a private adoption facilitated by the doctors and lawyer. Understanding the signs of the times as she grew, she never felt rejected by her birth mother. Her life has been full and blessed from the beginning. For most of her life, she declared there wasn’t a desire to search when asked. However, searching for familiar faces in a crowd and then internet and social media searches crept throughout different periods of her lifetime. Holding her daughter and then her son two years later increased her desire to have biological connections that had been missing in her life. When her adoptive father began having health problems, she knew it was time to get serious about her search. 

Submitting DNA led to close matches on her paternal and maternal sides. Through these connections she was able to identify her living birth father and then 2 years later her living birth mother. When her search journey began, she had two conscious thoughts about how it would unfold:

1. "Everyone who could be adversely affected are adults. My children, their children, etc. Adults can do hard things. This has to be God's timing for us to connect."
2. All the adoption stories, movies, or books she had encountered up to that point had wonderful, happy endings where everyone reconnected and was grateful to do so.

She quickly realized how wrong she was on both counts. This is why podcasts like this one and books like The Girls Who Went Away are so vital. She’s met family members on both sides who have been welcoming but UNJUSTIFIED rejection has been the prevailing theme of her story. One sibling in particular has put up barriers trying to prevent her from connecting with her birth mother. The measures this sibling has taken are truly unbelievable especially since this sibling proclaims to be Christian and Pro-Life. Until she started researching beyond the idyllic stories, she wouldn't have found the peace needed to understand why her journey had been so difficult.

You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker 

MAGIC MIND: Black Friday offer, it's currently 50% off until the 6th of December, only with our link: https://www.magicmind.com/adopteebf

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patrons! The next ADOPTEE CAFE is December 7th @ 1 pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Michelle Rice-Gauvreau is a native Mohawk woman born in 1969 in Canada and raised in Connecticut via an illegal adoption, which was commonplace for many Indian babies throughout many years across North America.  She is the author of Who Am I? Native American Child Taken From A Reservation And Raised In White America. Michelle is a compassionate advocate for all adoptees looking for their own truth, peace, and hope. She hopes to instill her strength to any adoptee struggling to find their way.
​
Michelle now works as a legal professional for a prestigious law firm. She resides in Connecticut with her husband of many years and her two senior cats.  She enjoys traveling and learning more about native cultures far and wide.

To find Michelle:
Powwows.com
Medium.com / authority-magazine
Awesomegang.com/michelle-gauvreau
Womensjournal.com
Booknerdection.com

You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker 
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our patrons. The next meeting is December 7th @ 1 pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Rebecca is an adoptee, mother, teacher, historian, and award-winning author of the recently published ‘Who Is a Worthy Mother'? An Intimate History of Adoption.’ Rebecca was driven to write a history of adoption in the United States from the perspective of an adoptee and to honor the memory of her older sister and the truth of brave women everywhere. Rebecca teaches in the School of Education at the University of Puget Sound and lives in Seattle with her husband and two daughters.

To find Becca: https://www.rebeccawellington.com/

You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker 
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our patrons. The next meeting is December 7th @ 1 pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ann Fessler is an author, filmmaker, and installation artist. Her work addresses the gap between the authoritative history one learns in history books, and that same history as understood by those who lived it. She has spent more than thirty years bringing stories of ordinary people, and the first-person narratives of adoption, into the public sphere through her visual works and Writing.

Fessler traveled the country to interview more than 100 women who lost children to adoption during the 28 years that followed WWII when a perfect storm of circumstances led to an unprecedented 1.5 million non-family surrenders. With the support of a 2003-04 Radcliffe Fellowship at Harvard, Fessler researched the history of the era and later combined her research and interviews in a non-fiction book, The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Lost Children to Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade (The Penguin Press, 2006).

The book, which places the women’s stories within the social history of the time period and her own story as an adoptee was called “wrenching, riveting” by the Chicago Tribune; “a remarkably well-researched and accomplished book” by the New York Times; and “a blend of deeply moving personal tales, bolstered by solid sociological analysis—journalism of the first order” by the San Francisco Chronicle. The Girls Who Went Away was chosen as one of the top 5 non-fiction books of 2006 by the National Book Critics Circle and was awarded the Ballard Book Prize, given annually to a female author who advances the dialogue about women’s rights. In 2011, The Girls Who Went Away was chosen by readers of Ms. magazine as one of the top 100 feminist books of all time.

Website: annfessler.com
Instagram: @annfessler_artist
Film by Ann Fessler: A Girl Like Her

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at t

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Julie Brumley is a trauma-informed adoptee coach who has been coaching men and women for more than 15 years to overcome addictive behaviors and heal the primal trauma of abandonment. She is also the CEO of Coming Home to Self, a company dedicated to helping adoptees heal. After her own birth mother tried to abort her twice, she found herself frozen in an unconscious trauma response for decades until she found the power of somatic trauma healing. Now, she uses somatics, nervous system regulation, personal experience, and her master's in counseling to help other adult adoptees find their way out of their own trauma and into a life of radical self-belonging.

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

To connect with Julie:
https://www.instagram.com/juliebrumley_/
https://www.facebook.com/julierasbrum/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theresilienceprojectforadoptees

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is November 9th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ann Haralambie is an award-winning author and a trial and appellate attorney (a Certified Family Law Specialist and a Certified Child Welfare Law Specialist). She has a BA in Creative Writing, an MA in English Literature, and a JD in law. Her first book was a poetry chapbook published in 1976 by Desert First Works while she was in law school. Her three-volume Thomson Reuters legal treatise, "Handling Child Custody, Abuse and Adoption Cases 3d" is supplemented annually. Her three other major law books are written primarily for a legal and multi-disciplinary professional audience.

Ann is an adoptee who searched for her birth family for 35 years. Her award-winning book, "Not Nicholson: The Story of a First Daughter," (2023) is an adoption search and reunion memoir. It has been called "a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring quest for self-understanding. . . a deeply moving read, one that resonates long after the final page is turned" (The Reading Bud), "universally inspiring, exemplifying an unwavering resolve that continues even in the face of numerous obstacles. . . an invaluable companion for those navigating the intricate paths of understanding and acceptance in the realms of adoption" (Literary Titan), and "a compelling read that balances personal narrative with broader social issues. . . . a book that will appeal to a wide range of readers, . . . a powerful reminder of the enduring human spirit and the profound impact of uncovering one’s past." (Jeyran Main, Editor-in-chief, Review Tales Magazine).

Spending her time equally between Arizona and New Hampshire, in her spare time Ann loves singing all kinds of music from classical choral music to traditional Irish/Scottish songs to worship music, playing various fretted string instruments and the Irish bodhrán (a framed goatskin drum), Irish and ballroom dancing, and serving as the Loon Preservation Committee field volunteer for Silver Lake, NH.

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Exciting News! We will read and discuss: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.


Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Join at the $10 level and be part of our

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Lena Rosenbloom is a domestic, closed-adopted person from New Jersey. She was adopted in the 80s and raised as an only child in an adoptive family that could not have children. She entered reunion in 2002 with her paternal biological family. Lena discovered her biological family through the adoption.com website and message boards in 2002. She has three half-siblings on her paternal side. Lena has reached out to her biological mother two times in the past 20 years and has been rejected. Lena is a licensed clinical social worker in Florida working with grief and loss as well as terminally ill clients. She helped start a nonprofit organization for first responder spouses in 2018. She has been married to her wonderful husband for 15 years and has two children. She loves to journal, make crafts, and find healing through music and concerts. 

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is November 9th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Stephen Grochol is a Financial Planner in San Mateo, CA. He and his wife
just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary and they have two daughters.
He is a post-Baby Scoop and post-Roe v. Wade adoptee. Born in Oakland,
CA in 1974 he is the oldest of three. One brother was adopted and the
youngest was not.

Stephen’s adoptive parents went through a private doctor for this process.
He was relinquished immediately after birth and whisked home to Pacifica
where he grew up. A stroke of luck occurred when his Aunt and
Godmother procured the names of his birth parents during his delivery.
As time went on things within his family unit started to unravel. His younger
brother, also adopted, started suffering mental health issues and was
ultimately diagnosed as schizophrenic and bipolar. The family was
hamstrung by the fact his medical records were sealed by the state of
California. This was the prompt that Stephen needed to start the reunion
process, for real.

His parents were amazingly supportive throughout the entire search for
reunion. This just made things okay. On his 28th birthday, armed with “the
adoption file” he was able to quickly track down his birth father. They have
been in reunion since 2003.

Tracking down his birth mother was a much more difficult task. Two weeks
after he was born the birth parents broke up and she joined a church that
had some “cult-like” qualities. In 2017, Stephen and his birth father used
Ancestry DNA to narrow the search for her. It worked! It’s here where he
met a half-sister on his mother’s side. From there he was able to finally
track down their birth mother on Halloween of all dates.

The reunion with both parents and the siblings has been filled with joy and
happiness. There have been several family reunions where Stephen finally
feels like he’s “wearing the right uniform.” Of course, no reunion is perfect
but we are pretty close.

It’s after all this that Stephen has come out of the fog. Listening to Sarah
and Louise, along with more specialized therapy are major factors for this.
Stephen is quite familiar with fog as he grew up in Pacifica…. One of the
foggiest towns in California. Sunny days lie ahead….

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind/ADOPTIONTRIAL: USE CODE: ADOPTEETRIAL    
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO: receive a 3-sample pack for free.

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Li

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Jennifer Dyan Ghoston is a same-race domestic foster alum and adoptee in reunion with both sides of her biological family. After a 27-year career in law enforcement with the Chicago Police Department, she retired in 2014 as a police detective. In 2015, she self-published her memoir, "The Truth So Far...a detective's journey to reunite with her birth family". She credits her spiritual journey that started over forty years ago for allowing her path to unfold in unexpected and meaningful ways. In 2021, Jennifer's continued efforts to be open, honest, and public about her lived experience while holding space for other members of the constellation (primarily adoptees) has led to hosting the podcast, "Once Upon A Time...In Adopteeland". She currently co-facilitates the Adoptee Voices Writing Group created by Sara Easterly.

Website to find Jennifer:  http://www.jenniferdyanghoston.com
Website to Jennifer's Podcast: www.Onceuponatimeinadopteeland.com

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing:You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind/ADOPTIONTRIAL: USE CODE: ADOPTEETRIAL    
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO: receive a 3-sample pack for free.

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is Oct. 19th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.