Adoption: The Making of Me. An Oral History of Adoptee Stories

Kelly was born in 1970 and grew up in Wichita, Kansas. Her parents divorced before she could remember and she had no contact with her dad. Second oldest of five children, she blended in well enough but noticed some differences. She had reason to believe she was adopted and asked when she was a teenager. Her mother continually said she was not adopted. The physical differences were dismissed as traits that might have come from her absent dad.

Kelly is happily married and has three sons. She is an engineer and a passionate quilter.

Fast forward to 2022, her oldest son was curious about his genetic makeup and took a 23andMe. A niece had previously done 23andMe and shared her results. Kelly was surprised that her absent dad was in the database as well. When her son’s results arrived, the niece was not there nor absent dad. Curiously, there were other relatives that she did not know.

Her mother quickly confessed that Kelly was indeed adopted. The rest of the kids were all biological and her mom intended to take this secret to the grave.
Her mom did not want her “to feel different.”

Reaching out to a relative on 23andMe, as well as the adoption agency, it was only 10 days before Kelly was reunited by phone with her parents. Her parents are still together, married for 50 years, and she has two biological brothers. They had been looking for her for many years. She learned that her dad is an engineer, her mom is a quilter, and many other commonalities.

Kelly describes her story as a fairytale reunion. She has been welcomed into her biological family and they have grown very close. She continues to work on her relationship with her adopted mom, trying to work through her anger and feelings of deception.

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Magic Mind/ADOPTIONTRIAL: USE CODE: ADOPTEETRIAL    
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO: receive a 3-sample pack for free.

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is Oct. 19th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

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Dr. Liz DeBetta, creator of Migrating Toward Wholeness© is an adoptee and independent scholar-artist-activist committed to changing systems and helping people navigate trauma through creative processes. She believes that stories are powerful change agents and when we write them and share them we connect and heal. Liz is a proud member of Actor's Equity, SAG-AFTRA, Affiliate Faculty at the Institute for Research on Women and Gender, and part of the Diversity Scholars Network at the National Center for Institutional Diversity at the University of Michigan. She has published articles on autoethnography and adoptee narratives, has an award-winning one-woman show called Un-M-Othered, and facilitates trauma-informed healing through 1:1 coaching and workshops for adoptees and women. Her book Adult Adoptees and Writing to Heal: Migrating Toward Wholeness is available from Brill Publishers.

To find Dr. Liz:
Instagram
Website

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is Oct. 19th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Born at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Village on Nov. 11, 1954,  Michael was adopted five weeks later by John and Eleanor Coffey, a corrections officer and an RN,  respectively.  The adoption was handled by the New York Foundling Hospital. John and Eleanor had been unable to have children.

He was raised as an only child in a small town in the Adirondacks. By the time his parents told him overtly that he was adopted, at age 8, he already knew. Following the Foundling’s recommendation, they had told him from the beginning that they had “chosen” him in a nursery with many other babies.

Although they were loving parents, it seems they were also a bit distant—“hands-off.” Sadly, one of the few things they knew about Michael’s birth parents was that they were college-educated, and it seemed to make them feel that he was of different and maybe better stock. Michael feels they tried to stay out of his way. Although Michael had what he calls a perfectly happy childhood, there was something missing. After much soul-searching and research, he believes there might be an element of containment missing, a term used by Melanie Klein and, later, Wilfred Bion, two prominent psychotherapists--containment being the provision of a safe space at a critical part of childhood development. 

Michael went off to college at Notre Dame, and spent his junior year in Dublin. College took care of him to a degree (the Notre Dame motto is in loco parentis—in place of parents). Leaving college, though, was a terrifying prospect, and two months after graduating he married a woman he had known for only four months. 

Michael studied Anglo-Irish literature at the University of Leeds in England; his wife and he had a son, Joshua.  He earned his Master’s degree.  In 1978, the little family moved to New York City. Michael got a job in publishing and, settled, he wrote to the New York Founding, which was just 15 blocks from their walk-up apartment. A Sister Phelps provided him with “background information but not identifying information.” His search for his parents began. He went down many dead-ends.

At the age of 50, with the help of a private investigator, he discovered that both his birth parents were deceased; his father was a Gallagher, whose own father was from Donegal, Ireland; and his mother, indeed Virginia, was fourth-generation Irish-American from a Co. Mayo family. She was a one-time Broadway actress and cabaret singer in Manhattan when he was conceived. His father, Robert Michael Gallagher, was driving a cab in New York and writing poetry at the time. They both hailed originally from Philadelphia.

Michael has written a memoir in which he traces these developments, emphasizing that, since he came of age, he has been looking and listening for traces, voices, and ghosts of lost birth parents, lost siblings, or half-siblings. He did find them, ghosts and real, but just as when John and Eleanor told him at age 8 that he was adopted when he already knew it, he says he also seemed to know who he was, and where he was from before the evidence was in. At this point in his life, he welcomes this as a measure of containment, a “safety in knowing.”

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 10/19 at 1 PM ET. This is an adoptee-only community. We appreciate all of our Patreons!

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

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Lea is an adoptee born at the end of the Baby Scoop era, 1970. She was born and raised in the city where she currently lives with her family.  She knew from a young age that she was an adopted, a "chosen baby".  She was always proud to say she was adopted and would challenge classmates when asked about her "real parents".  Lea believes that she was raised by her  "real" parents and does not refer to them as her adoptive parents.  Lea stood out from her family at an early age as she is very tall (5'10") and her mother is 4'8". She's always been the tallest out of the extended family until her two children came along and they are both over 6 feet!

Lea reunited with her biological mother in 2007.  Her biological mother found her after a five-minute search online but it took some finessing to make the connection finally. They remained in reunion for about fifteen years during which time they visited, vacationed together and spent several holidays together.  

At seventy-four, Lea's biological father had the surprise of his life when he discovered through a cousin that he had a fifty-year old daughter who lived twenty minutes away. This connection was through Ancestry.com and again, happened very quickly.  Lea recently enjoyed a two-week vacation with her biological father, his wife (who Lea refers to as Bonus Mom), and her aunt. 

Lea has struggled with the idea of connection her entire life. Even after the black holes of knowing who you are have been filled, Lea continues to search for her connection and sense of belonging. 

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 9/14 at 1 pm ET.

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Patti Eddington is a newspaper and magazine journalist whose favorite job ever was interviewing famous authors who came through town on book tours. She never dreamed of writing about her life because she was too busy helping build her husband’s veterinary practice, caring for her animal-obsessed daughter—whose favorite childhood toy was an inflatable tick—and learning to tap dance. Then fate, and a DNA test, led her to a story she felt compelled to tell. Today, the mid-century modern design enthusiast and former dance teacher enjoys being dragged on walks by her ridiculous three-legged dog, David, and watching the egrets and bald eagles from her deck on a beautiful bayou in Spring Lake, Michigan.

The Girl with Three Birthdays by Patti Eddington

To skip ahead to the interview go to timestamp: 16:51

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

September 7th in Kansas City, Missouri
Eventbrite: LIVE RECORDED PODCAST  with Adoption: The Making of Me (ATMOM) & A PHOTO JOURNEY with Jeff Forney of The Innocent People Project

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 9/14 at 1 pm ET.

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Kathleen was born in 1968 in Northern California. Her birth mother relinquished her for adoption immediately upon birth, and Kathleen was then adopted by a loving family who already had a 3-year-old adopted son. 

When Kathleen was 22 years old she found her birth mother. Thirty years later she learned that her birth father was an enforcer for the Hells Angels and was shot and killed when Kathleen was seven years old.

She also learned that she has at least seven sisters and one brother on her father’s side -- all from different mothers from the same birth father. Each of her siblings is about a year apart. Kathleen has met most of her siblings and remains in contact with each of them to this day.

Kathleen is a sociology professor living with her spouse in Honolulu and continues to make sense of her adoption experience through a sociological lens.

To hear the full call of Kathleen's Birth Mother:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjt5_vLQYK4
LINK to hear the full call to Kathleen's Birth Mother.

Correction to the episode from Kathleen:  It has been 5 years since finding all of my 8 birth siblings. However, just a year and a half since Marianne and Kenny passed away.

To skip ahead to the interview go to timestamp: 14:55

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

September 7th in Kansas City, Missouri
Eventbrite: LIVE RECORDED PODCAST  with Adoption: The Making of Me (ATMOM) & A PHOTO JOURNEY with Jeff Forney of The Innocent People Project

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 9/14 at 1 pm ET.

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Gaynor was born in a mother-and-baby home and spent the first six weeks of life there before being adopted in the same town of birth. Despite a challenging childhood with an adoptive mother who exhibited narcissistic tendencies, Gaynor persevered through an unhappy adoption experience. At the age of 31, after becoming a parent, Gaynor reconnected with their birth family. This reunion, spanning over 30 years, has been a remarkable success, with Gaynor finding a true sense of belonging and love.

The journey of healing from past traumas has been long and profound. Writing a memoir, intended for her grandchildren, has been a significant part of her healing process. Now in a great place in life, Gaynor finds strength and peace in sharing her story, turning past challenges into a narrative of resilience and hope in the form of letters to all the people who have been important in her life.

To skip ahead to the interview go to timestamp: 12:50

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

September 7th in Kansas City, Missouri
Eventbrite: LIVE RECORDED PODCAST  with Adoption: The Making of Me (ATMOM) & A PHOTO JOURNEY with Jeff Forney of The Innocent People Project

You have a limited offer you can use now, that gets you up to 48% off
your first subscription or 20% off one-time purchases with code
VIPMAKINGOFME20
at checkout - You can claim it at: https://magicmind.com/vipmakingofme

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 9/14 at 1 pm ET.

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Adopted at birth, Ajé loved sharing her adoption story throughout her childhood. She always had a feeling that she had been wanted by her birth parents, and was a tad obsessed with discovering where, and who, she came from. Around age 9, good, old-fashioned snooping led her to a document with clues about her birth parents and the person she would have been if they had kept her. She had no way of knowing that document would later lead to an unexpected, serendipitous, [absolutely impossible] reunion, just in time for her 18th birthday.

A survivor of abuse in childhood and adolescence, Ajé has always had a strong conviction that anguish is not meant to be carried alone, and the events that draw us into darkness and despair are the stories that need the most light. She loves conversations about uncomfortable truths and the power that comes from finding one’s voice. 

Ajé is a lifelong craftaholic with a squirrel’s attention span and spends a lot of her time making art fueled by sporadic bursts of dopamine, lots of hot glue, and just the right amount of glitter. Her long-term goal is to make her home a multi-media shadow box inspired by her favorite characters & quotes from books, music, and film, one random idea at a time.

She lives in Portland, Oregon, with her husband, way too many craft supplies, and her tortoiseshell cat (who is the bestest cat ever).

To skip ahead to the interview go to timestamp: 12:55

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

September 7th in Kansas City, Missouri
Eventbrite: LIVE RECORDED PODCAST  with Adoption: The Making of Me (ATMOM) & A PHOTO JOURNEY with Jeff Forney of The Innocent People Project

You have a limited offer you can use now, that gets you up to 48% off
your first subscription or 20% off one-time purchases with code
VIPMAKINGOFME20
at checkout - You can claim it at: https://magicmind.com/vipmakingofme

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 9/14 at 1 pm ET.

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Angela was born in Nebraska in 1979 and adopted at 3 days old. She grew up in a family that came with many complexities and issues, and she struggled to feel content with not knowing and being with her first family. At 16, she was able to reunite with her birth mother and half-siblings in person and has been in reunion ever since. Throughout the years, she's met more of her first family and has gone through the many challenges of reunion and the search for her birth father. Angela now resides in Chicago, where her first family originated, and has two grown children. She hopes to help others understand that even in the best situations, adoption is difficult and we need to continue working towards adoptees having rights and access to their records and eliminate the secrecy.

To skip ahead to the interview go to timestamp: 18:04

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

September 7th in Kansas City, Missouri
Eventbrite: LIVE RECORDED PODCAST  with Adoption: The Making of Me (ATMOM) & A PHOTO JOURNEY with Jeff Forney of The Innocent People Project

You have a limited offer you can use now, that gets you up to 48% off
your first subscription or 20% off one-time purchases with code
VIPMAKINGOFME20
at checkout - You can claim it at: https://magicmind.com/vipmakingofme

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
NAMI Hotline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or email them at [email protected]
Adoptee Therapist Directory

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 9/14 at 1 pm ET.

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Magali was born in Sri Lanka in 1992 and adopted by French parents when she was 2 months old. She grew up in a small town in France, a mostly white area, and struggled to identify with both the French and Sri Lankan cultures.  She found her birth family during her first visit to Sri Lanka when she was 16 years old. She has 4 older siblings that stay in the family. 

The language was a real barrier and she had to communicate with the help of a guide. Because learning Sinhalese at that time was too challenging, she decided to learn English to ensure she could communicate with most of the world. To do so she moved to London, England when she was 18 and then moved to Toronto, Canada for 6.5 years where she met her husband.

Magali stayed in touch with her birth family for a few years but had to cut ties because they kept asking her for money. She dedicated her time to teaching French to English speakers because she wanted to help people struggling to learn a second language. Magali is using self-development tools to heal and is assisting other adoptees to find peace with their stories. She wants to bring awareness and make adoptees' lives easier and lighter.

To skip ahead to the interview go to timestamp: 11:15

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

September 7th in Kansas City, Missouri
Eventbrite: LIVE RECORDED PODCAST  with Adoption: The Making of Me (ATMOM) & A PHOTO JOURNEY with Jeff Forney of The Innocent People Project

You have a limited offer you can use now, that gets you up to 48% off
your first subscription or 20% off one-time purchases with code
VIPMAKINGOFME20
at checkout - You can claim it at: https://magicmind.com/vipmakingofme

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
NAMI Hotline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or email them at [email protected]
Adoptee Therapist Directory

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom adoptee community. Our next Zoom is on 8/3 at 1 pm ET.

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.