Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption

The Jantoyas, Elizabeth Janssen and Lisa Montoya, share their journey as best friends, foster and adoptive moms, and tireless advocates for children in the foster care system. They discuss how their friendship formed over fostering challenges and evolved into a community-building partnership that supports other foster families while creating meaningful change.

• Elizabeth has 14 children (5 biological, 9 from foster care with 8 adopted)
• Lisa has 5 children (2 biological, 3 adopted - 2 from foster care, 1 private adoption)
• They met through a "blind date" set up by someone in the foster care system
• Their friendship extends to their husbands, creating crucial support for the whole family
• They formalized as "the Jantoyas" to share resources and support other foster families
• They provide food and support to vulnerable communities beyond their own homes
• They share expert strategies for navigating school IEPs and accommodations
• They developed a system for kids to create self-advocacy pamphlets for teachers
• They discuss the difference between trauma-aware and trauma-informed approaches
• They emphasize the importance of community in sustaining foster care journeys

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

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This episode is Part 2 of Rebecca's conversation with Tammy Pulsifer. Here is the link to go back and listen to Part 1: Part 1 with Tammy Pulsifer

Tammy Pulsifer, Director of Community Engagement at Safe Families for Children Tallahassee, shares how their organization builds support systems for vulnerable families to prevent children from entering foster care. The conversation explores the profound isolation that leads to foster care placement and how Safe Families creates communities of support for parents in crisis.

• Safe Families provides a "circle of support" for families who have no one to call during crises
• Children enter foster care when parents have absolutely no support network to help them
• The organization helps parents develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills rather than creating dependency
• Trauma affects how people respond to challenges - what appears as simple to some may be overwhelming for others
• Family coaches help parents set achievable goals while volunteers provide practical support
• Small "1% changes" compound over time to shift the trajectory of families' lives
• Safe Families operates in 42 states and 3 countries, with various ways to volunteer
• Children in foster care experience PTSD at 2-3 times the rate of veterans returning from war

Visit safe-families.org to learn how you can get involved in your state.

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Tammy Pulsifer, Director of Community Engagement at Safe Families for Children in Tallahassee, shares how their organization prevents children from entering foster care by supporting families in crisis through community intervention and radical hospitality.

• Born to missionary parents and raised internationally in Guam, Saipan, Korea, Hawaii, and England before settling in Tallahassee
• Found purpose through local philanthropy work before joining Safe Families in 2021
• Safe Families creates "circles of support" around families experiencing temporary crises like housing instability, job loss, and mental health challenges
• The organization focuses on strengthening the entire family unit rather than separating children from parents
• Volunteers provide practical support including respite care, mentoring, and resource connection
• Personal suffering creates deeper compassion and empathy when supporting vulnerable families
• Churches can better support foster families through practical help like childcare, house cleaning, and emotional support
• One success story involves helping a single mother of seven transition from crisis to becoming a teacher and approaching homeownership

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Loryn Smith brings 30+ years of child welfare experience as owner of Finally Home Christian Adoption Services, sharing her journey of fostering 120 children and adopting many into her family.

• Service without sacrifice is a counterfeit
• Being faithful is our responsibility; outcomes belong to God
• Finding freedom in being "just a character" in God's bigger story
• Relationships with children matter more than their achievements
• Living in today rather than worrying about tomorrow
• Creating community with people who understand your challenges
• Evicting unhelpful thoughts that rent space in your mind
• Redefining success beyond cultural expectations
• Hard circumstances reveal where grace meets self-sufficiency
• The goal is to hear "well done, good and faithful servant"

Connect with us at behindthecurtainpodcast.com to continue the conversation about foster care and adoption. Follow us on social media for more resources and encouragement.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Rebecca and Olivia explore the concept of "trying softer" and how loosening our grip on control can transform our lives, especially in the demanding world of foster care and adoption.

• Recognizing when we're trying too hard from a place of insecurity or fear of being "found out" as not good enough
• Understanding how our tendency to meet everyone else's needs often comes at the cost of our own wellbeing
• Examining the difference between authentic presence versus performing or dissociating
• Learning that sustainable care means acknowledging our limits and practicing self-care
• Discovering what it means to "unclench our fist" from trying to control outcomes
• Finding joy in activities without productivity goals attached
• Practicing radical acceptance of circumstances we cannot change
• Recognizing that showing up authentically has more value than perfect performance

I hope that you enjoy this conversation, and that it helps you work through how we can loosen our grip on control and try a little bit softer in our worlds.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Stephanie Miller shares her journey as a single foster and adoptive mom to three young children, revealing both the exhausting challenges and profound joys of parenting alone.

• Adopted a five-year-old last December and a 16-month-old around Halloween, while currently fostering another five-year-old
• Drew inspiration from her cousin who fostered and adopted three siblings as a single mother
• Openly discusses the fears she faced - financial concerns, physical exhaustion, and emotional capacity
• Explains the hardest part is never getting a break, even after bedtime when household tasks remain
• Finds joy in getting "all the snuggles" and witnessing every first milestone
• Maintains perspective with a sign reading "Today is a good day to have a good day"
• Built a crucial support network of friends, especially other foster parents who understand the unique challenges
• Uses music as self-care - church choir, intentional listening, specific artists like Lauren Daigle and Ingrid Michaelson
• Finds purpose in seeing positive transformations in the children she fosters, even those who stayed briefly
• Emphasizes that fostering isn't about being special or a "saint" - it's about making a lasting difference in children's lives

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Rebecca shares how intentionally noticing positive moments and seeking connection opportunities with her children is transforming her summer parenting experience, despite the challenging start.

• Summer began with significant struggles, including a moment when Rebecca needed to leave the house after a lawn chair broke in her hands
• Progress with one child who historically couldn't participate in simple conversations without going into fight/flight/freeze mode
• Celebrating her young son's decision not to "scream like a pterodactyl" during a frustrating moment
• Working through attachment challenges with her daughter who typically ignores her after absences
• Finding simple connection points through pool time, popsicles, and tech-free activities
• Embracing the "1% change" concept from James Clear's Atomic Habits – small, consistent changes that alter trajectories
• Meeting children at their comfort level for connection rather than forcing interactions

If you're trying intentionally to notice positive moments or create connection with your kids this summer, I'd love to hear about it. Drop a comment on our Instagram page or send me an email about what you're hoping for this summer.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Rebecca Harvin and Courtney Studard share their hard-won wisdom on traveling with children of all ages, from essential packing strategies to entertainment tips that really work. We offer practical advice for making family travel more enjoyable, less stressful, and filled with meaningful memories rather than meltdowns.

• Start children traveling young whenever possible - they adapt quickly and become great travelers
• Lower your expectations dramatically - it's a trip, not a vacation
• Always have a designated driver and entertainer in the car
• Pack novel toys and activities, introducing a new one every 15 minutes
• Reserve special road trip snacks that kids don't get at home
• Prioritize movement at every stop with games and physical activity
• Always choose hotels with pools - this will be your children's favorite memory
• Pack a separate, single overnight bag for hotel stops
• Organize clothing by day or outfit to prevent car chaos
• Start with shorter trips and gradually work your way up to longer adventures
• View initial trips as training exercises for bigger adventures later
• Remember simple experiences often create the most lasting memories

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Jenn Ditges shares her powerful journey from infertility to motherhood through foster care and adoption, revealing how she came to mother six children after experiencing twelve pregnancy losses.

• Always dreamed of being pregnant since witnessing her mother's pregnancy at age 8
• Received a spiritual promise of having six children while walking in Africa
• Experienced twelve pregnancy losses, with doctors eventually stopping treatment
• Bought a six-bedroom house in faith before having any children
• Turned to foster care after a day of prayer with her husband
• Eventually adopted six children—two sets of twins and two "Irish twins"
• Struggles with the complex emotions of Mother's Day and questions of maternal identity
• Finds strength through faith and community support during grief
• Embraces her unique motherhood journey despite it looking different than expected

"There's nothing wrong with you. There is no sin that you've done that God is punishing you for. You don't know what's on the other side, just fall into the arms of Jesus."

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Jessica Miles shares her raw, powerful story of loving through the hardest seasons of foster care, demonstrating how her own difficult childhood prepared her to show up authentically for children experiencing trauma. She offers profound insight into what it means to love intentionally when behaviors are extreme and systems are failing.

• Loving children the way she wished she'd been loved as a child
• Creating safety and protection as foundational parenting values
• Learning each child's unique love language and needs
• Suffering hearing loss from years of managing extreme behaviors
• Finding self-care in small, tangible ways during crisis seasons
• Processing personal trauma while parenting traumatized children
• Wrestling with faith questions while standing firm in commitment
• Using personal pain as a source of empathy and understanding
• The transformative power of being known and truly seen

Share this episode with anyone walking through hard seasons who needs to know they're not alone. The hard is holy.