Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption

TPR is supposed to bring clarity, but for a lot of foster and adoptive families it brings a new kind of fog. We’re talking about the space nobody captions on social media: mourning and celebrating at the same time, sitting in a courtroom while a parent loses rights, and walking out knowing a child’s story just changed forever.

Stacy Lasonde joins me for an honest, tender conversation about what it feels like to live between the termination of parental rights and adoption finalization. We unpack the shock of the TPR day itself, the impossible “last visit,” and the strange reality of parenting kids who are legally wards of the state. We also get practical about the decisions that suddenly feel loaded, like whether you hang family photos, buy the bigger car, or make plans when an appeal could still change everything.

Then we go deeper into the internal shift many foster parents don’t expect: foster care can carry an unspoken eject button, and adoption removes it. We talk about responsibility, control, regret, and shame, and why “write a different ending” can be a lifeline when your brain keeps running worst-case scenarios. If you’re navigating foster care adoption, trauma-informed parenting, attachment, or the long wait after TPR, you’ll feel seen here.

If this conversation helped you name your own middle ground, subscribe, share it with a foster parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. What part of the wait is hardest for you right now?

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

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Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

What if the life you built at the “resort”—easy routines, familiar friends, and tidy plans—suddenly moved you to a private island? That’s how Cayela Moody describes the shift foster care and special needs adoption brought to her family of ten. Together we trace her path from an autism diagnosis that shattered assumptions to a calling that turned hard-won advocacy into a lifeline for kids others often overlook.

Cayela opens up about losing herself in constant service, then choosing to re-center around home when two newly adopted children needed every inch of her attention. She and her husband forged a strategy they call “parenting small,” where each child still gets the presence, activities, and advocacy they’d receive in a smaller family. We talk about late-night teen talks, the quiet math of limited energy, and why visible needs can make your community step back—leaving families to cultivate their own thriving island.

We also get uncomfortably honest about the system. With nearly half of new foster parents quitting within a year, we argue for a braver PRIDE class: one that names the real social costs, the impact on marriage, and the identity shifts before families hit the wall. Yet joy keeps showing up. Cayela shares how watching her husband scoop up a small son with Down Syndrome made her fall in love again, how her teens grew staggeringly compassionate, and how faith turned valleys into classrooms where redemption is only a matter of time.

This conversation blends practical insight with lived grit: choosing kids with developmental diagnoses over unpredictable behaviors, building routines that actually work, and laughing at the small hacks—like reusing Starbucks cups—that keep mornings moving. If you’ve ever wondered how to love well when the world gets smaller, or how to hold both grief and delight without breaking, this story will meet you there.

If this episode resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review so others can find it too. Your support helps more families on their own islands feel seen.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Grief doesn’t wait for tidy timelines or perfect words. With our friend and adoptive mom Jordan Whitmarsh, we step straight into the deep end: living losses in foster care and adoption, the sudden shock of death, and the quieter goodbyes that linger with no clean ending. We get honest about the myth of “five stages,” why sorrow circles back, and what it takes to build a life that can hold both ache and joy without going numb.

Jordan shares the two paths she’s walked—numbing that “works” until it breaks you, and naming that hurts but heals. We talk EMDR and grief therapy, how hospice taught her to welcome help, and why the body keeps the score with brain fog, sensory overload, and zero margin for scratchy clothes or wrong coffee orders. Along the way, we trade real practices that stabilize the nervous system: simple meals on the porch, soft fabrics on hard days, a friend who folds laundry, worship that tells the truth, and nature that lets your breath deepen again.

Faith threads through this whole conversation, not as a shortcut around pain but as an anchor within it. We push back on spiritual bypassing and make space for lament, anger, and tears—because a God who weeps can meet us in hospital halls, long drives, and the after-hours where casseroles stop coming. For foster and adoptive families, we name grief at milestones and holidays and offer language for the both-and: celebrating firsts while honoring who’s missing.

If you or someone you love is carrying loss, you’ll find tools, companionship, and a kind voice that refuses clichés. Listen, share it with a friend who needs steady company, and if it helps you breathe a little easier, subscribe and leave a review so others can find their way here too.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

We reflect on the move from drowning in caregiver burnout to building a sustainable life in foster care and adoption. We share three pillars—community, recognizing the load you're carrying, and setting the right pace for your family (prioritize rest!) —and a bonus practice for managing our emotional field.

• naming unsustainable patterns at home and work
• defining sustainability independent of perfect conditions
• using awareness and meditation as a starting tool
• my three anchors: intentional fun, beauty, and white space
• finding an honest community to end isolation
• laying down burdens that are not ours to carry
• pacing like an ultra marathon, not a sprint
• practical rest: micro-rests, structural rests, and sleep guardrails
• managing our emotional field with personal reset routines
• reviewing pillars and committing to small, repeatable steps

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

What happens when one child feels like home at the door and another, from the same sibling set, feels impossible to love? We open our front door and our hearts to a brutally honest journey through foster care: the instant bond that made love feel effortless, the second placement that brought our family to a breaking point, and the teen whose silence turned a celebration dinner into a night of cold rage and hard truths.

We explore what it means to expand love beyond a feeling. When warmth won’t come on command, action anchors us. That shift—love as a verb—keeps families steady while the nervous system catches up and connection rebuilds in small, faithful steps.

Then we move into the deep end: how to keep showing up when loving hurts. We unpack perception—naming “the story I’m telling myself”—to stop letting untested narratives drive our reactions. We define boundaries that are clear, kind, and enforceable. And, we explore what we really have control of... the quick answer is, on a good day, ourselves! That mix of agency and empathy lets us offer full love while limiting access to the most tender parts of our hearts until safety returns.

If you’re parenting through foster care, adoption, or any hard relationship, this conversation offers practical language, scripts, and a sustainable framework—perception, boundaries, and control—to reduce burnout and keep your care aligned with your values. Subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with one boundary that helped you love well.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

A single keepsake cracked open a lifetime of hidden feeling. When Simon Ben learned that his childhood teddy bear came from his birth mother, a wave of grief and anger surfaced—and so did a clear path to freedom. We sit down with Simon to explore what thriving really means for adoptees and anyone healing from old narratives: being grateful in the highs, graceful in the lows, and far less bothered by being bothered.

Simon shares how Internal Family Systems helped him see parts without becoming them, and why he trusts action over sacred thoughts. We dig into perfectionism, negativity bias, and the pull of the inner critic, plus the practical language that validates kids’ emotions without welding identity to pain. You’ll hear how a simple reframe—“fear came to visit”—can calm storms, and why “I feel” beats “I am” when it comes to healing.

We also get honest about generational context. Many adoptees felt invalidated by parents who lacked today’s trauma literacy; holding harm and goodwill together takes nuance. Simon’s biggest claim may be his most liberating: insights, not time, are the greatest healer. Beneath every story is an unwoundable Self—awareness, presence, wholeness—that trauma can hide but not harm. From that ground, therapy deepens, habits stick, and humor returns.

If you’re navigating adoption, wrestling with identity, or tired of the mental tornado that starts when thoughts judge thoughts, this one offers a map and a mirror. Listen, share with someone who needs a reframe, and tell us the insight you’re taking with you. Subscribe, leave a review, and help more listeners find their way to thriving.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Some crises should never cost a child their family. When a single mom in a new city was admitted for kidney stones with no one to call, the default answer was removal. Instead, a host family took her daughters for one night—and that brief stay opened the door to lasting friendships, school support, and a church community that refused to let isolation write the ending. That’s the power of upstream care: precise help at the right moment that prevents unnecessary trauma.

We sit down with Melody Marshall, co-executive director of My Village Ministries and Upstream Collaborative, to unpack a model that’s reducing foster care entries and restoring dignity for parents in crisis. Melody traces her path from house parenting to hosting hundreds of nights to building a national network that equips churches to meet real needs—short-term child hosting, parent allies, care communities, and practical support that stabilizes families. We talk about the hard truths, too: most removals are tied to neglect driven by poverty and thin support systems, not malice. Poverty isn’t a crime; social isolation is the accelerant. When churches step in relationally, kids remain safe, parents regroup, and reunification becomes the norm.

Melody shares data from Columbus—99.9% reunification and a 40% drop in foster care numbers over five years—as well as the systems work behind those outcomes: shared policies, training, legal and insurance frameworks, and a resource bank that helps new ministries launch without reinventing the wheel. We explore the spiritual core of this calling, from standing firm when the work gets costly to trading judgment for compassion through proximity and presence. If you’ve felt drawn to foster or adopt, this conversation offers a vital first step: start upstream, build the village, and keep families together whenever safely possible.

If this resonates, share it with a friend, subscribe for more candid conversations on foster care and adoption, and leave a review to help others find the show.

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

What happens when grit becomes a trap and control masquerades as love? I open the curtain on nine years of foster care and adoption, from my early "This is a sprint" mindset to the slower "marathon" pace of adoption. The story moves through the highs of first placements, the heartbreak of an international adoption falling apart, and the relentless push to “fix” what was never mine to heal. Along the way, you’ll hear about the Kintsugi moment that mirrored my need to make the pieces fit, the overlapping placements that stretched our home to the edge, and a pandemic pause that revealed what I really needed was rest.

The turning point wasn’t pretty. A destroyed patio set and a red-alert text to my best friend cracked my certainty wide open. Therapy helped me name superhuman expectations and the codependency hiding beneath them. I started using a simple backpack metaphor to right-size my responsibilities: my time, choices, values, and behavior belong to me; my kids’ outcomes, healing timelines, and adult friendships do not. That shift allowed me to set down the heavy, invisible loads I’d been dragging—like making siblings become best friends or proving I was a “good” wife by appearances alone.

Here’s the paradox that changed our home: connection thrives where control ends. When I stopped clawing my way toward attachment and started showing up with clear boundaries and humble repair, everything softened. School days got calmer, sibling tension eased, and my own nervous system finally exhaled. This episode offers grounded takeaways for foster and adoptive parents, educators, and anyone navigating trauma-informed care: honor limits, release the script, and trust that presence beats performance. If you’re carrying too much, consider this your invitation to lighten the load.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs relief, and leave a review—then tell me one expectation you’re laying down this week. You can message me on Instagram @behindthecurtainpod or email [email protected].

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

We open the door on incontinence in foster and adoptive homes and talk plainly about shame, trauma, and the mental load. Peter Mutabazi, founder of Now I am Known, shares the daily realities of children with incontinence issues and advocacy wins. Mica Phillips, Vice President of Aeuroflow Urology, explains how to qualify for medical-grade supplies through Medicaid and why it restores dignity.

• why stigma follows older kids who need diapers
• trauma, autism, ADHD, and constipation as drivers
• the true cost burden and poor retail fit for bigger sizes
• using physicians as allies and documentation that works
• navigating Medicaid, managed care, and approvals
• school and camp accommodations, IEP hurdles, and dignity
• refill timing, product quantities, and fewer last‑minute store runs
• practical steps to apply via Aeroflow Urology and what to expect

www.petermutabazi.com

https://aeroflowurology.com/

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

If you're a foster parent or adoptive parent who wants to build a life that you recognize at 80. Or, if resolutions leave you burned out by February, you’re not broken—you’re using the wrong tool. Rebecca opens the door to a gentler, smarter approach to change: a clear year-end review, a vision board that serves as a compass, and one tiny 1% shift that you can actually do every day. No overhauls. No shame. Just practical steps that compound into a life you recognize and want to live.

We walk through how to audit last year with honesty—what worked, what didn’t, and which relationships need new attention—and then translate those insights into a vision board placed where you’ll see it in real life. From there, we anchor the smallest possible action to an existing routine, a method known as habit stacking. Rebecca shares a vulnerable, hopeful story of rebuilding connection with an adopted child through micro-habits: reading a grounding line by the sink, recalling one good moment, and adding a brief hallway ritual. Over months, those tiny cues rewired attention, softened defense, and made connection feel natural again.

This conversation also explores choosing peace as a north star for the year and making it visible in daily life—even through something as simple as one consistent nail color that quietly reminds you to ask, "What’s in my control right now?" Whether you’re navigating foster care, adoption, or just craving steadier rhythms at home, you’ll get practical, repeatable steps to move forward without the self-sabotage cycle of grand promises.

Join us as we trade brittle resolutions for durable habits and build lives with intention, not accident. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a gentler path to change, and leave a quick review so others can find the show. Then tell us: what’s your 1% this week?

We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy!

Follow us on Instagram:

Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en

Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/