this energy is trying to get to know itself to see what it's capable of it's capable of anything but I guess perhaps to see what it's capable of in the human form and in the book he also talks about natural growth versus working on growth or something along those lines which is what i mean by the original trajectory we can't help but grow but when we're working on growing we're actually contorting and distorting the natural growth process and on page 147 he says what would happen if you decided not to treat yourself as a thing to be improved and instead open to the possibility that it's your nature to continue learning growing and evolving and I feel that's true there's the we're born as learning and growing creatures I wonder about the nature of a mirage and how as we drive closer to the mirage the water disappears I'm just wondering to myself if so-called psychosis or even map consciousness is like a mirage in a way and it's almost like a mirage of death it feels like one's going to die yet as a process goes on one gets closer it doesn't happen like death doesn't happen so in that way the fear and the terror is sort of Mirage I'm wondering if that's like a mirage in consciousness I'm wondering if I could possibly have that context arise when something that tries to take over consciousness as terrifying might come into consciousness I like what he says on page 162 he talks about traditional approaches to coaching and training blah blah our application based learning teaching techniques skills methods and then encouraging people to apply them while these approaches can be useful for routine mechanical processes their effectiveness drops off sharply for complex cognitive and creative skill sets why because successful application depends on clarity and the quality of brains and he talks about implication based learning focusing on the foundational principles that drive high performance there is no separate implementation step as individual see the implications of these foundational principles implementation is automatic insightful understanding of the principles behind clarity literally removes contaminated thinking and allows you to see more clearly I think that's what I'm doing myself a bit is this implication based learning I see the implications of things and what's implicit and I'm always learning that way versus learning skills techniques methods from somebody else to superimpose in my consciousness to then act as a compass by which to act whereas if I'm always learning the learning itself is the acting even just learning right now by extrapolation by talking to myself I see the implications but then I also see the implications of this process of me talking to myself on a whole and I was even thinking about how before when I've been in so-called psychosis I've told a friend to videotape me because I feel like it'll sort of collapse the wave function into existence like that happened for real it wasn't my imagination and in a way I felt like that would make it so it doesn't need to be repeated because I process that it happened and here's the proof in the same way I feel like me doing this self dialogue is like that process but in Reverse like why not record all the healthy context that I'm wanting to unfold because in the video of psychosis I was unfolding the context of I'm a homeless person and this is the pain that homeless people feel and it's excruciating and I'm freezing cold and i just am stuck here and i can't even move I've gotten to the point where my reality tunnel has so collapse that I can't even move and this is sort of the opposite of that and to by having all these self dialogues of me supposedly well it's showing myself my wellness as opposed to talking about it in terms of problems and again it goes with that quote by that philosopher I'm not talking about this process of experienced as a problem I'm talking about it as a mystery and mysteries don't need solutions they just are to be explored and wonde

I think I was going to say that if for example I grew up and never knew how to use my arm and then some kind of energy came in and showed me how to use my arm it would feel weird at first to have this energy like moving my arm in different ways and then it went away but then I knew how to use my arm so then I didn't have to any longer have this energy sort of directing and guiding that learning process it was made part of my embodied self I feel like in the same way that this energy comes in and map consciousness and sort of as directing us in different ways and making us behave in different ways in order to sort of show us the way and then the energy goes away and it's up to us to work towards being that way and it's not really working towards being that way because in the process of being that way and learning with the universal energy we see the absolute necessity to be that way and so it's like it's sort of like gravity sitting on this couch right now I'm under the effects of gravity but I don't really think about it I don't sense it really unless I actually think about it but if I was falling out of a tree I would be very aware of gravity so it's something that's always there but it's just a matter of we only feel it in certain contacts so in our normal ego consciousness we don't necessarily feel these other forces because it's like sitting on a couch we just it's just part of the experience and we're used to it but being in that other consciousness is like being in the field of consciousness as opposed to the field of the ego and it's like really feeling the field of consciousness because normally we're just in the field of our limited thought structures and on page 112 I like this bit he says so how does our habitual thinking take us out of the present moment by creating thought objects that take us into the future or past these thought objects can take a variety of forms remembering anxiety toxic goals worrying blah blah blah I just like the I like the idea of thought objects because even though they're very subtle they're still objects and by making it an object we're actually placing ourselves in the past or the future we are the object we are the thought object in those moments and so we are in the past or the future in those moments and he says the future and the past or thought generated illusions illusions that we experience in the here now but that goes along with what I was saying about how thinking is delusional it is a hallucination and another thing he talks about is how meditation has nothing to do with sitting cross-legged staring at the wall it's something that happens in daily life one thing I thought about was how am I using the present moment or how's my energy being channeled or divided in the present moment so if it's going into thought forms it's actually sort of dividing itself and channeling it into these thought forms and that's part of the waste of energy process and in terms of how am I using the present moment sort of implies duality in a way could be more like how's the present moment using me and there is no real me so it's like how sort of like however I am in the present moment is how I am or Who I am lately I've had this subtle gentle profound sense of gratitude and it's not like a practice of gratitude where I wake up and think about what I'm grateful for which is valuable to a certain extent but it's still an abstraction but I have a sense when I'm in the shower that I just feel so grateful that I have a shower to shower in and a toilet to go to the washroom in and a place to live in besides the noise but the last couple of weeks it's been quieter because of the snow and I I don't know if that's how I felt a little bit more this actual state of gratitude it feels like a state of gratitude as opposed to a feeling and it's not like I'm in the shower and I'm thinking I'm so grateful that I'm showering it's this subtle perception of just feeling really grateful for having a shower and to

I haven't made any videos in a few days and my iphone was getting pretty full so I was downloading some of the videos from iCloud unto a unto an external hard drive and when I was trying to confirm which ones I could delete from my phone because they were officially on the external hard drive some of them were really old and I was just a bit surprised with the way I talked and even the sound of my voice it feels like it's changed and I've been doing this self dialogue for about six months it'll be six months in like a week or something and the first couple months I only did a few videos but then lately I've been doing more and more so I've probably been doing it more intensely for say three months and part of what I possibly intend to do is when the date hits the one year mark from a video is to watch it and to sort of do a video from the present moment but also talk about the year before so it's possible if I do it that way that it won't be a while until I actually release stuff the other thing I might do is just be like wow that early stuff is really bad release it at all but I think part of this process for me is just showing that self dialogue can be helpful we usually assume that we need to talk to somebody else to help us and this might be a different form of self help in that I'm helping myself by expressing my own thoughts and unfolding my own learning so not relying on looking at a book and looking at other people for the answers and I'm finding that more and more of the supposed answers are within me and it's not that I haven't been influenced by anybody in terms of reading and things but the thing would be that in my own process of exploration if there is anything that was from somebody else that I realized in the moment it rises in the right moment versus just always reading books and really I feel like it's restoring me to learning for myself from myself by myself with myself and in that I'm actually learning from other people too because my own process of learning one with myself is the same that happens when I'm out and about so i can have sort of realizations and aha moments all the time like yesterday I looked at a picture of my baby niece and she was sucking on her clothing and was all wet and I just thought of an idea that certain time period of clothing could actually have like a teething toy in the clothing because the baby is not yet quite able to really hold on to a toy for very long and put it in their mouth but they could probably grab the collar and put it in their mouth whereas if it's like a toy and it falls over to the side they're not going to reach out and grab it so that was an idea I had and that I had another idea that one day a person will be able to pay for an item in the store with their fun and not have to line up at the till so right now it's Christmas shopping time there's big lineups people could have like a square reader and and the store knows that you're in the store and scan the item and off you go and I had another idea too but I forget what it was but these are just ideas and and those happen on time for me and I get tons of them and that'll really have the time or energy to pursue them nor do I really want to but it can be fun to have those types of ideas and I feel like people who have access to this inside consciousness are creative with ideas even though they may not have the means or want to carry it out because if a person has a thousand decent ideas in a given year they're not really going to carry them all out it's impossible whereas there's other people out there who have the capacity to carry out a good idea but don't really have any good ideas so I think that's something that could be explored as well well let's see if that stopped so another thing is that sort of unrelated but I met up with a new friend recently and what was interesting was that I didn't have this urge to out myself as being diagnosed with bipolar disorder it was almost like all of this talking I've

it would be nice to create enough context where people could completely avoid the medical system this context isn't necessarily for people who think they have a mental illness it's more for people who think they don't have a mental illness so in that way it's not actually talking about a medical problem I don't feel for myself like talking to myself in this way I've been talking about my medical problem I want to transition out of the medical model myself it would have been an amazing if six years ago they had a different context and I could have avoided it all together by understanding this process and therefore not fearing it so I don't think trans consciousness or neuro re-emergence is a medical problem and so if people are able to have that context because really it's something that's been medicalized that isn't necessarily medical it's a natural phenomenon it's been turned into what it is because of the way it's perceived and received and responded to reacted to it was responded to a reacted to it in a completely different way it would transform into something else even over the years before people were just kept in institutions and never released and thought that they could never live in the community and now most people are living in the community but they're medicated so to me it only makes sense that in however many years from now most people might be on medications for a short period of time and then not on anything so it'll be seen as something that can be completely recovered from and honestly recovered from does that saying it's an illness it's it is a transformation so the medication might help to slow down the process of transformation in the intensity of transformation but the process still has to be completed and integrated which might look like somebody completely redesigning and recreating their life and it's pretty difficult to redesign and recreate one's life if one is completely dulled out by a lot of medications and then basically told to live in your parents basement for the rest of your life whereas if it was received as a transformation one would be supported to create a new life as the process is unfolding in order for the process to integrate and ease up because one is moving towards that which the transformation is energetically pushing one through towards and there was another thing that guy said when he did that talk about the factors that are important one was genuineness and I like I can't be genuine working in the medical model because I don't see it that way so I can't be my genuine self and this is more my genuine self and I'm finding this easier to do which is to speak as my genuine self when I shared my story a while ago and I thought I did a really good job I never heard from the person that invited me to share and I thought it was strange because I thought that maybe it was an affirmation that they didn't like what I had to say not that I said anything too extreme but it just made me feel that way I guess or as I shared my story at this other thing and somebody emailed me and said that was good i want you to write an article about your experience there and i don't usually expect anyone to say anything when i share but the person who didn't say anything had a lot of opportunity to say something like so and i'm not saying that as bad i don't care it's more I'm saying that as perhaps that's not the right direction for me to go if I'm unable to share as my genuine self and I feel like maybe one day people won't be pathologized right away they'll be supported through their distress and then if a year later they're still struggling maybe then the trouble with a lot of this too is that the help is tied into the diagnosis and there's help like finding a job or getting an amount of money per month because one can't work at the present moment lots of different supports so the whole system of support would have to be redesigned because people would still even though they're not maybe mentally il

I have a book called client-centered therapy by carl rogers and i never read all of it i read bits and there was this one bit in it that says in order for behavior to change a change in perception must be experienced and i think that's one of the reasons that the universe is changing our perceptions or messing with our perceptions is that it wants us to change our behavior it wants us to change our behavior based on perceiving the fundamental oneness of things so we act different towards each other and nature and perception changes our brains so I think this other perception is one of the mechanisms that the mind uses the brain to create itself so in a way this is like an action of the universal mind trying to be created through us by changing our perceptions to change your brain to act differently to create in alignment with the universal mind and I was thinking about the for bio types of bipolar I might have talked about them a long time ago it seems like those are the different pathways of metabolism that are involved in the bipolar phenomena arising which is the other perception because I talked about how one can take a lot of different vitamins maybe in certain cases to believe the effects of bipolar perception but I'm also wondering that's like medicating one back to reality so I feel like it's also important to have those perceptions and maybe use vitamins and stuff to tone them down but the point is that these perceptions are coming through because the universe wants us to perceive in this way to behave in a different way so it's important to be able to tone it down for sure but what I'm trying to say is the for bio types of bipolar aren't necessarily the for pathologies in pathways of metabolism but of bipolar they could be the four ways that the energy of the universe is changing genetics and genetic expression for those perceptions to occur so those could actually be the changes in genetics that are needed as we move towards creating a different reality by seeing the underlying unity so those could almost be like the pathways of unity in the biochemistry because it's mirrored in the biochemistry and I was thinking about how believing is recording so the ego is sort of a recording mechanism and believing something is recording according to the ego a good question to ask is who is the one that believes and I was thinking about how language can be used for division in terms of the ego abstracting me versus you etc or it can be used for inquiry and in inquiring into something we're seeing into something which is perception which is going to allow the brain to grow which is learning and perception of something new is required to rewire and this is the opposite of habit so habit prevents learning and neural plasticity and that could be part of the thing actually is that learning is neuroplasticity and what is actually turned off through the process of our growing up as children is neuroplasticity itself we get stuck in a few tape loops and then there's very little neuroplastic change and tied to that is belief so if we believe things we're not going to be seeing anything much different than our beliefs and in map consciousness there's a lot of perceptions that are pretty unbelievable but perhaps it's important to not believe any of them because any belief is going to limit future perceptions and I feel like when one is transforming one needs psychological safety in order to get through the psyche and to get beyond the psyche any psyche element is partly of the ego and when is scrambling all that stuff is loosened up and broken apart and hard to make sense out but I think a lot of it would be just letting those go as well and in a way this context creation with myself is like translating those experiences into English otherwise it's just this none mapped realm so it's a way of mapping map consciousness and putting it into English words it's it's a domain it's a dimension beyond English and language but it's like transla

krishnamurthy talks in some of his videos about thinking together which is just as it sounds which is not about somebody saying something while the other person is agreeing disagreeing judging but actually thinking together at the same time and he also talks about you have to do it you have to actually see it so with the stuff that I've been saying to myself there things that I actually see it's not something it's not something that I came up with through intellectualization even though it sort of appears that way by talking about it and it's through the endo mimetic and epi mimetic process where something just sort of flashes in my mind and I can write it down and it's not from Association and he also talks about what are we going to do together to create a good society and he says we need to think together yet it seems to be the most difficult thing I guess I'm just wondering if anyone will be able to think together with what I was saying some of this stuff meaning actually thinking with it versus thinking oh that's true that's not true yeah that makes sense no that makes no sense that's not actually thinking it's it's judging which is blocking it it's not seeing so yeah I also had an insight that perception as learning as energy as perception gives energy to really understand something to learn something to see something new actually see it not take in words intellectually that's what rewires the brain and that clear perception is needed for that energy and that energy is would actually rewires the brain and sort of creates that perception mirrored in the brain that could be how I think I talked about how in manic consciousness there's like an imprint and that's how we can sort of go back and harvest Armenia we haven't really wired those things into reality so much but they're they're imprinted creating a greater context through which to understand things and that's how I actually feel like moving forward one who goes through that process can actually have access to this learning insight energy perception process more easily because the foundation the context has been laid as an imprint probably from being in that high energy state and I think that's partly what causes brain growth and neural plasticity because I talked about it too as it seems like it's this other brain growth or reactivating the atrophied neural pathways that we had as children and how they talk about oh what's unnecessary is pruned well I think what is pruned is what is designed by society to be pruned I actually feel like it's possible with autism that by not having access to words so much it allows those other areas of the brain to stay and not get pruned and then the words can be sort of added on top of that slowly but surely but it ensures those other dimensions of sensitivity and intelligence don't get pruned away and I was thinking about how in that state ematic consciousness there is a sense of beauty a lot of the time and there's a sense of perception of seeing and understanding and making meaning and learning and a lot of it feels beautiful and I'm wondering if how they talk about goodness truth and beauty if it beauty and love are part of perception in a way like that state of love is necessary for perception and love is beauty as well and so they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder but maybe the process of perception itself is beauty whether something is felt as oh that's beautiful or not I have the sense that the process of perception is beauty itself and that perception is a thing of beauty and in a way the universe has created human beings which are beautiful creatures who can perceive Beauty and as beautiful creatures we can unfold as beauty or we've been trained to unfold as something else and that's why I think language and thought and the ego is a virus our software has been infected by word viruses and it's totally screwing up our hardware it's almost like the word viruses of the ego are what supposedly pruned the brain but rea

I was thinking this morning how a lot of the stuff that I've experienced inwardly in these other states of consciousness are are in the past they're no longer real and how I was thinking about it was in terms of how these past non-real elements these sort of visionary and experiential elements feel like invitations to have dialogue about something that's more meaningful not that any one of those experiences was it was the ultimate meaning but to me it just points towards the fact that the daily life that we've been programmed into isn't really what brings meaning into life it can for a period of time or it can provide some sense of meaning that may or may not be really real in that it might be pleasurable but not necessarily meaningful in a sustainable way and then oftentimes we are funneled back into living a life based on the programming of society which again isn't meaningful which then might lead to one going into one of these hyper meaningful states and it's not to say that that state is the way to be ultimately because it's very chaotic but i think the chaos is trying to break up that which is not meaningful and even though that state can be chaotic meaning in that a lot of the meanings don't necessarily make sense or are totally irrational or require reality testing in order to see whoa that has no truth even though it seemed meaningful it seemed like a meaningful perception and experience but again that invites us to be explorers of our own conscious process rather than machine like in our thought process so that process eliminates the machine-like process in consciousness at least temporarily and to me that is part of the meaning of it is not that any of the meanings were the ultimate meaning that we're seeking or trying to create but the fact that we can create other meanings and that we are the creators and the perceivers of meaning but usually we're caught in perception of that which is unreal which is the egos false structures and beliefs and then we go into this other state of consciousness which is seen as even more unreal by society but in my mind it's trying to allow that which is more real to come into existence or come back into existence which is our ability to learn see meanings and create meanings not just have very few meanings repeated over and over in our head based on our thought process and I've talked about before how going into these states and when it gets distressing to me feels like almost necessary in a way because it forces us to reconnect it's difficult to process that distress on one's own and one can go further and further down that road of distress in isolation which to me is that monologue process that that dr. Daniel Fisher talks about psychosis as a log and to me is just being so far into one's own meanings by oneself in isolation that one needs to come back to the fabric of reality and in doing so one can bring some of the meanings in dialogue not just the scary ones but the ones that one had before before the process got scary and the process got scary I feel like because one goes too far into that by oneself without having dialogue because there's safety in being connected to people so the further one's perceptions go away from being connected to people the scarier it gets but I also feel that part of the process is not just a dialogue a person who went into distress back into reality but to also start creating other meanings in the process of dialogue with the distressed person with some of the positive you know the supposedly positive meanings that one came across to dialogue together about because when one goes so far into that process of meaning making and it gets scary society then says well that means this person has a mental illness when a person can be talked back into some semblance of reality but also start to have dialogue about what those processes and experiences meant and not just that but the process of meaning making itself so it's not just about oh I had this expe

and the paper on memes talked about how there are memes that need to modify their environment in order to survive and I feel like in a beautiful environment those memes would survive better so if somebody is having sort of altruistic and and spiritual means come through them and they're in a beautiful place that's going to be more sustainable than say if one's walking down the most poverty-stricken street in their City and I also feel those sorts of memes are going to alter the environment and that's what I talked about with the neuro tribe of bipolar is that it's actually trying to change the environment to actually have one be able to sustain those perceptions and I feel like one of the most fundamental things about the whole process is that it's trying to restore us to learning the whole process of bipolar is a learning process for sure and we usually learn about in terms of illness and then I think that actually collapses the infinite unfolding learning process that it's supposed to be because it's then oh I'm this person with this mental illness and these are my symptoms instead of it's just all unfolding and constantly learning and new insights and perceptions all the time and I wrote down that there's no separate person with a mental illness the fact that we think we're separate people is the mental illness the ego is an illness and the supposed mental illness comes in and breaks up the ego structure which appears as mental illness and I think I wrote down bipolars are like entropy it's an increase in randomness but I think this is for the arising of a different order it's taking that linear ego structure and breaking it up and because of that we have access to more information because that ego state actually wastes energy because its processing old information which is like not processing anything at all so when that breaks down we start to process more information because it's not in the way anymore we have access to more information and a lot of times when it's related to the ego that's when like past karma or this life karma comes up or the collective unconscious because we probably were supposed to sort of be accessing and unfolding that with that all the time throughout her life but it built up because the ego structure blocked that energy from actually flowing and I was even watching a video on flow again and they talked about how they find it so fascinating that the brain actually is less active in flow and that's again because all of this activity is a bunch of energy being wasted so when the brain is less active the energy is kind of flowing through the brain and it's more powerful to have energy flowing through instead of bouncing around in the prefrontal cortex doing all these things that are supposedly higher levels of function in the brain when those higher levels of function have been hijacked and are wasting our energy instead of just using it when need be to calculate how to get from A to B it's talking about old memories and things and so we're not actually in the present moment and they talked about flow how it's all about being in the present moment well one doesn't have to do extreme sports in order to be in the present moment that's why people are meditating and all this stuff in order to get into the present moment so the thing that we actually tout the highest our prefrontal cortex and all of its musings is the thing that gets in the way and is in the way of us actually being present and all that stuff is actually the ego stuff and that's the stuff we try to band-aid back up which is this ego dopamine complex happening when the process of map consciousness and trans consciousness is trying to break that down so the energy can flow through and then when the Energy starts flowing through because it's breaking down this ego process is still trying to make associations and abstractions and yet there's more energy and information coming through so it's infinitely confusing I like what Alan Watts sa

is still snowing here so my place is nice and quiet and it has been pretty quiet for the last number of days the snow really absorbs the noise and also slows the cars down and so many things and I realized this is sort of a video journal to myself they talk about how journaling is powerful and I've done a lot of journaling in the past but now it seems i'm doing this video self open dialogue journal and yesterday i randomly took out some of my old notebooks and i have two that I filled when I was in the psych ward in April and then I have a bunch that I wrote in the two years before that but especially in my second mania which was februari of 2015 I did a lot of writing then and afterwards and a lot of that writing from what I remember was based on my desire to come off medications so there's stuff about that and I think more like positive statements of things and then I have the stuff that i wrote the very first time i went into that state of consciousness five and a half years ago and at some point i think it would be fascinating to read through some of that but i feel i feel a little bit in in transition of some sort almost like that gesture that behavior of me taking out those old notebooks is almost saying to myself while there's something that I want to revisit and to me I think it's again partly calling me towards the fact that i would like to be off medications and and sort of living beyond the paradigm of mental illness and in a way being able to say while it served its purpose but i don't really want to participate in that anymore and I think that's why I feel conflicted in the job that I'm doing as well is that I don't want to be in the paradigm personally and I don't I'd rather put my energy towards something else like bringing ecp are here and things like that and I was thinking about how it's sort of like watching the news I don't watch the news because I find it bothersome and negative and in the same way going into that paradigm is like participating in it when it is negative and father some there's a lot of great aspects and there's a lot of great people working in it but they're given a framework to work in that is starting at such a deficit that a lot of the work that needs to be done to help somebody recover is the fact that the deficit that the paradigm itself creates so I'd rather help myself out of the paradigm and then maybe inspire other people to to do the same and it could be a little bit scary but and so the things I want to talk about to myself now I'm not sure it's like a mix of what I was talking about before and I feel like right now I have no idea what I was talking about before a bunch of contextual stuff that might be handy for myself and those insights and thoughts might actually come into my brain in the moments that I need them going forward because it could be some scary times and I've had some subtle insights lately that I could just say to myself for the sake of saying it but I haven't really unfolded what the implications are of them like I had this this insight that it's the position ality that needs medicating so as soon as I take a position ality on something for or against I've created duality like I've created me versus the other and it's that me that entity that takes a position ality that needs medicating so by going into mainstream paradigm I automatically am creating a me with a position ality because I do feel like I have a position against or it's not really against it's just I definitely feel the tension of the things that I see that I don't agree with so creates that positionality of me versus them or me versus the other and so I might be able to design a life where I don't have that sense of a position ality and if I don't have that sense of a position ality it's that me that needs the bandaid that needs medicating so by not creating a me by not putting myself in those scenarios where there is that sense of me a me that needs to defend myself even if it's just implicit

back to this paper on memes as replicators it says memes like genes are judged against one simple unambiguous criterion their ability to perpetuate themselves in the prevailing environment if possible or by modifying their environment if necessary I think this is where embodying once mania comes in a little bit too is that there might have been some memes that came about in mania that can be embodied after after being harvested and also this would change the environment too so if I need to go out and about in order to do random acts of kindness that's going to change the environment in which I am genetically expressing myself matically and experimenting with some of those means and I think mania is like a big experiment with different memes and it's a meme creating process it's a learning process it's like another brain growth I think that society needs to be designed in a different way to actually support some of these memes so people that have visions and creative insights there needs to be a way for people to collaborate together to to change society and also society needs to change in order to support some of these other memes and say the fact that there are a lot of highly sensitive people out there and I think part of what gets changed in the process of epi mimetics and endo mimetics when one is in mania is that one sees that other things are possible and that's when the reasons why people need to retest reality and retest gravity and retest one's abilities it's almost like when we're children and how we need to climb on a chair and fall off in order to feel the effects of that happens again when a person goes into that learning state that innocence of mind but from that space one can actually create new memes and prune the memes that aren't helpful and one might end up ruining oneself back to someone that resembles what one was before but there's still a growth in that process and i mentioned how the paper says symbiotic memes which promote behavior adaptive for both themselves and the genes will be doubly successful in the long term for genes will design brains or epigenetic rules to be receptive or creative of such memes and I think what goes along with that is that in manic consciousness one is actually in the state of creating new memes constantly all the time yet right now as it is the people that have those brains that actually go into hyper mimetics get diagnosed with a mental illness and then put on medication that suppresses that process so then we don't learn about the process and we don't facilitate one moving through it because of the false statements out there about it getting worse over time and things like that and I've gone into that process three more times since the very initial one and each time it's been more and more mild and quicker and if I was put on stronger and stronger medications each time I don't know if that would have been the case it probably would have appeared as worse and worse I read somewhere else to a cam remember where it was but it talked about how this process of map consciousness is probably probably has a socio biological function not yet recognized and I think that's true it's something to do with the socialness and the biology and and maybe part of it is actually that we're supposed to make meaning and have dialogue with each other not just argue over opinions and beliefs we're actually supposed to be creative in our perceptions and talk about them look if I would have someone with me the whole time I'm in that hyper mimetic state we would sort of be comparing memes and and making memes and saying what we saw and perceive like a big grand experiment like we are the experimenters and I feel like part of the shift part of this transformation is going from words to being and perception and it's not just going from words to being in perception but going from being used by words by memes that are reinforcing the DNA of those memes which are the meanings we've been given by soci