We explore options for educational reform, with mastery of the treadmill at the core of the future curriculum. Joe calls out the scandal that was false advertising at school open days, particularly in the science lab.

The option of a lifetime of riches is spoiled by having to share with a detested neighbour, and we eschew personal wealth in favour of plaguing our enemies with too much sleep, extra cold showers, and two Italian BMTs.

Plus there's a breakdown of the breakfast market, from the sweet to the savoury and even the buttered.