The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast

Breaking the Pattern of Marrying Covert Narcissists


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I have communicated with many individuals who tell me that they keep marrying, divorcing and then partnering with another covert narcissist. How could they have known that they would repeat this corrosive psychological pattern. They should not blame themselves. It is exceedingly difficult to recognize a covert narcissist, especially if he/she is at the top of their game. The covert has been practicing his/her superb act since early childhood. The covert narcissist learned to camouflage his/her true feelings and thoughts. 

After the glow and excitement has begun to fade (even in the early months after marriage) you notice that your partner demeans you, makes incessant demands and tears you down when you are particularly vulnerable. The vituperative projections increase, the demeaning remarks and humiliations rise. You are worn down. 

Covert narcissists are particularly drawn to empaths, those individuals of high discernment and insight. Empaths need to learn to protect their psychological boundaries. 

At a point of insight you recognize the true nature of the covert narcissist. You make the decision to separate and divorce the covert narcissist. 

You can break the pattern of marrying covert narcissists.  As you develop a strong sense of self entitlement and self care, you recognize that you are a strong, enlightened individual. Give yourself tremendous credit for your psychological and emotional perseverance, grit and integrity. 

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The Narcissist in Your Life PodcastBy Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., LMFT

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