Can We Talk First?

This week I have new father and claw machine expert David Garcia on the podcast. Since he is a new father, I figured it'd be appropriate we watch some babysitter porn. We talk a little bit about fatherhood, then move onto the star attraction as far as I'm concerned, where David explains the business behind claw machines and whether or not you should play them. I wanted to leave some suspense there, but I feel like we all know you shouldn't. Then, during the second video, David and I develop a bit of a man crush on one of the stars. Later, lines in the sand are drawn as David and I have conflicting views of Rachel Ray.

Follow me on twitter @thankbrandon and the show on twitter @canwetalkfirst. If you have any clips you would like me to watch on the show, you can e-mail them to [email protected]

My friend Melinda Villa recently came out to her very religious parents, and I decided why not exploit her story for the podcast. We follow a strict format here on the pod so I found some stories about girls coming out to stay on brand. We talk diversity in movies and I bring up my one gripe with Black Panther, but mostly this episode is about Melinda's journey coming out to her parents. It's more serious than other episodes, yes, but I assure you it's still funny. It also helped me prove to myself that I can have an interview about real things while still adhering to my strict two porn format.

Synth-pop bad boy Sal DiAndrea is back after the success of our Pizza Guy episode. Look, It's 2018 and anyone can deliver pizza, so this week in the name of equality it's all about The Pizza Girl. After the first video I ask Sal if he's ever filmed himself have sex and wow that gets hilariously uncomfortable fast. At some point Sal jedi mind tricks me into telling the story about how I lost my virginity and he loses his mind. Then he reveals every bed in his parents' house is a waterbed and I lose my mind. Finally, we conclude by pitching the perfect pizza delivery porn.

My guest this week is photographer/cinematographer Ariel Pomerantz, who worked on Great Minds with Dan Harmon and is the director of photography on Karlie Kloss' new series "Kode with Klossy." This is easily the most erotic episode of the self proclaimed "least erotic podcast about porn." To paraphrase my explanation from the episode, since Ariel's a boss lesbian, we're watching videos with lesbian bosses. The first video takes a quick 180 we were both shocked by. After, I reveal she was with me in France for my greatest blackout story, then she shares a great blackout story of her own. I ask her about working with Dan Harmon on Great Minds and Karlie Kloss on "Kode with Klossy." Honestly this is one of the most fun episodes thus far.

Comedian Alex Hooper from Comedy Central's Roast Battle is in the studio… apartment promoting his debut album "Hugs. Drugs. Pugs." He's a big rave guy, so we're watching porn with ravers in it. Alex talks about why he decided 9 years into standup was the right time to release his first album. He explains to me how he got into raves and all the other things I just can't convince myself to get into. Of course we talk Roast Battle and he gives great roast writing advice. Then it's back to raves and Alex tells me his best/worst rave experiences and the origin of his "desert name" Tree Stump. We also discover my desert name thanks to autocorrect. Oh yeah, I finally reveal the first porn I ever saw and at the last minute Alex drops a story about his porn doppelgänger that has me laughing as I type this.

Follow me on twitter @thankbrandon and the show on twitter @canwetalkfirst. If you had to choose between the two, obviously choose me. If you have any clips you would like me to watch on the show, you can e-mail them to [email protected]

I discovered a new genre of porn fetishizing tall women, so I had to get comedian, podcast host, and self proclaimed "giraffe" Katie Kusiciel on to let her know she has other career options. Does anyone even read these things? Sometimes it feels like I could put my bank account info here and no one would care. Also probably because there's no money in it. Anyway, Katie talks about why she doesn't write dirty material, stemming back to taking etiquette classes when she was younger and I couldn't ask enough questions about what that was like. Then we get distracted by my creepy neighbor watching us and I talk about a murder that happened outside the studio… apartment, which leads to us exchanging stories of inappropriately naked men.

Follow me on twitter @thankbrandon and the show on twitter @canwetalkfirst. If you had to choose between the two, obviously choose me. If you have any clips you would like me to watch on the show, you can e-mail them to [email protected]

We're getting niche already, as this week it's porn about rappers with producer/composer Shawn 'Beatzart' Whitted. I considered writing a rap for this description, but decided to save us both the mediocrity. We talk about his song in the movie Alvin & Chipmunks: Chipwrecked and working with Michael Jackson's engineer. Then he tells me the craziest thing he's done in the studio, where I learn about a game called "hide and go get it." Wild stuff. We get into some talk about dating in LA, but stick around cause Shawn's got some of the best answers for my misleadingly titled porn lightning round thus far.

This week, we ditch the Ivory, because it's all about Ebony with writer/filmmaker Kimberly Walker. Total coincidence this is released during Black History Month. We mostly talk about religion, including what heaven and hell are like, if the bible needs a sequel, and why I struggle with becoming an athiest. We also discuss porn wormholes, where I reveal the worst porn I've ever seen. There's also some stuff about vegan snacks if that's your thing.

Follow me on twitter @thankbrandon and the show on twitter @canwetalkfirst. If you had to choose between the two, obviously choose me.

In this inaugural episode, I'm with synth-pop bad boy Sal DiAndrea taking on the most stereotypical porn tale: The Pizza Guy. We also talk about his new album Salentines Day, his grandma taking deliveries for his parents' pizza place, my first concert experience at an Insane Clown Posse show, and we stumble upon a secret behind the scenes look at what happens on a porn set!

Follow me on twitter @thankbrandon