Careful, them ghosts are real

Liverpool kept their title hopes alive, but Man City have already taken a huge step towards next season’s crown by picking up Area 51’s Erling Haaland in Vincent Kompany’s disused ambulance. Yikes.

Jules, Andy and Pete round-up the action from Villa Park and plenty more big stories, as day one of Wagatha Christie brings some startling revelations and there are accusations that Marcelo got the boot at Lyon for farting too much. Plus, make sure you stick around for Pete's interpretation of Jonathan Woodgate's first LSD experience.

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No cliches. No ex-pros like Peter Crouch or The Rest is Football. Just the funniest football conversation out there. Your guardian for the season, daily not weekly. Stick to the Ramble, totally.

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