Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Why do some people get canceled while others get to star in the new John Wick prequel series coming to STARZ? *Talk about yourself too much? No good. Don't talk about yourself enough? No good. Do you look angry all the time? No good. Do you smile too much? No good. Is there anything you can do that won't make people hate you? Based on this article, it sounds unlikely. *Doomscrolling! The FDA might be getting ready to say it's okay to mix and match vaccine boosters. People protest vaccine mandates in California. China's got a hypersonic missile and the pentagon says it's probably time to surrender. Trump is suing someone again. The Haitian gang wants $17 million to release the hostage missionaries. Two injured and one dead after two separate falls at a Phish concert. Apple is going to start selling something you can actually afford but probably don't want. A woman's house was sold without her knowledge but it sounds like she never owned the house to begin with and technically the house doesn't even exist anyway. (It sort of makes sense if you listen) *Did he stop texting you back? Why some guys love to ghost people. *Are you parent? Do you have parents? Did you used to have parents? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this segment is for you. *The lead singer of Ministry said he never planned on making it past 27. Don't lots of young people think like that? *Diseases that can kill you in a day. Why? It popped up as clickbait on my computer. *People share stories of unpleasant celebrity run-ins. *How would you feel if your teenager told you they want to start going to church with their friends? *That's it! Send it to the archives, we're out. Until tomorrow.... -Everybody Wang Chung!!

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Lazlo has always been proud of his kids but his son did something so courageous this weekend, it almost brought him to tears. *The Saga of the Hooters Shorts is still going strong, five days in. *Doomscrolling! Colin Powell died at 84. American missionaries in Haiti were kidnapped this weekend. An elementary school teacher was fired for having marijuana edibles in the classroom prize box. Police say a woman wandered into the back of a parked police van and became trapped. A Waffle House waitress allegedly pulled a gun on a customer because he was complaining about his eggs. *Do you really like hanging out with extended family or are you just pretending? What about going to church? *You ever been so high that you woke up in a ditch next to Applebee's? Iverson has. *Some unflattering headlines are starting to circulate about Mahome's family. *Vince Neil fell off the stage in Tennessee this weekend and broke his ribs. *Elon Musk has 7 rules for a productive workplace. We're down with any rule that instructs people to walk out of meetings when they get bored. *Doctors claim they've seen a surge in teen girls developing involuntary tics since the pandemic started. Can you guess the suspected cause? Tik tok. The answer is always tik tok. *Arrivederci! Thanks for stopping by. Let's do this again real soon. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!  

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​Did anyone else watch the Britney Murphy documentary on HBO? Good lord, that was depressing. *If you're looking for two cis white males to give their opinions on the Chappelle special, you came to the right place. *Doomscrolling! Biden is running out of patience and wants you to get vaccinated already. Bill Clinton is in the hospital. Alex Murdaugh has been arrested. Steve Bannon might get arrested. Dog the Bounty hunter still hasn't found Brian Laundrie. *It's time for the Kink Quiz. Who's the brat and who's the brat tamer? *What's one thing that you're living for? *Lazlo is no fan of the pop in. *Gen Z is shaping up to be "the least sex positive generation" *They still float. *Have a great weekend! Follow us on twitter and Insta @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church  See you Monday. -Everybody Wang Chung!!

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We're baaaack! It was touch and go there for a minute but our boss finally told us today that we could come back. *The dude from Smash Mouth is retiring and plenty of people are piling on but we're he to (sort of) defend him. *You hire a moving company to move your stuff and you pay them up front. The moving company finally arrives with your stuff and now they tell you to pay an extra $600 or else they're gonna keep all your stuff on the truck. What the hell are you supposed to do? *Doomscrolling! The Jon Gruden saga. Gabby's coroner says she was murdered by strangulation and there's still no sign of Brian Laundrie. William Shatner went to space and cried and about it. A British soccer coach got arrested in Dubai and sentenced to 25 years for having CBD. *This capitol rioter should fire his lawyer. *A girl on tik tok describes the worst first date she ever had. We don't think it sounds so bad. *Stop scalp popping one another. *Do you do anything to prepare for a late night hook up? It's a great time to buy new matching underwear. *Dad bods are still champions of the world. *Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean they don't deserve to be famous. *Which store credit card ruined your 20's? *Have a great night! Great to see you again. -Everybody Wang Chung!!! 

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A group of sleuths claim they have identified the Zodiac killer. Ted Cruz unavailable for comment. *The time has finally arrived. We can no longer avoid the biggest and most divisive argument in America. #couchguy  *Doomscrolling!! A federal judge says Texas is way out of line. In case dying of COVID wasn't bad enough, LA has just made being an antivaxxer even less fun. Your tasteless Brian Laundrie Halloween mask is gonna be late. Raising Canes is raising eyebrows with their new kitchen staff. David Arquette is now Bozo the Clown and we couldn't be happier. A teen girl attacked her father with a homemade acid recipe. Sex at the Bates Motel is always worth it. "I'm vaccinated you dumb bitch!" No peeing on the mailbox. You thought your mother was the master manipulator? Just wait til you hear this old guy get out of a speeding ticket. *Diplo fires back. Woody Harrelson punches back. *"You look ugly today" and seven other things you should stop telling your mom. *You've got thirty minutes to live. What do you do? What. Do. You. Do? *The best way to save your marriage is to accept being broke and unhappy. *Brian Laundrie's dad is joining...... *Slide into our DM's. We read a few messages from the @churchoflazlo Instagram. *It was really good seeing you today! I never get tired of hanging out together. I just want us to stay like this forever.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

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Laundrie's neighbors are allegedly charging the press money to park in their driveways and stand in their yards. Seems reasonable to us. *Am I the a-hole? A groom is upset that his fiancé doesn't have any female friends that she can ask to be in the wedding. To even things out, he asks his ex girlfriend to be his best man. *Doomscrolling! The suspect in the Texas school shooting has been arrested. Tesla gets hit with an enormous lawsuit. Gabby's family did an exclusive interview on Dr Phil. Your dog knows when it's about to rain. A man is attacked by an evil rooster while walking the streets of New York. The FBI raided NYPD union headquarters. *Two middle aged pals broke into a water park in the middle of the night, got hurt on the water slides, and now they want to sue the water park. *Forget about the 20ft Lowe's skeleton of 2020, this year it's all about the inflatable sex skeletons. *Ten things you might be doing right now that will kill you. *How long do you have to live somewhere before you can say you're "from there"? *Jeriney got baptized for sex. That's right folks. Baptized for sex. You gotta hear it to believe it. *Have a great day! Don't forget to say hi to us on twitter/insta @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church   See you tomorrow! -Everybody Wang Chung!!

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Another Tuesday, another day Slimfast gets worried that Lazlo is dead. *30 year-olds dating 19 year-olds. Dogs living with cats. The world is nuts.  *Doomscrolling!! Facebook is back and so are the whistleblowers! Brain Laundrie's sister says she wants her brother to turn himself in. A former NASCAR driver was shot and killed over the weekend. Schools apparently have active shooter alarms and those alarms can be set off with frisbees. Cinderella would not like to meet you in your hotel room. Your shorts are making people sick. *Six different ways to love. Let's play spin the bottle and figure out which way best describes you. *The hot new Hollywood trend? Matching spouse toilets. *There's a rumor going around that uber charges people more if their phone is dying. There's a rumor going around that uber charges people more if their phone is dying. *Science has determined the 20 scariest movies of all time and Fatal Attraction didn't make the list. *If you're having trouble finding love, perhaps it's time for you to visit a Hyundai dealer. *Have a great day/night! I just can't thank you enough for everything! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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​Yes! The weekend is finally over! Hopefully you're having a better day than facebook employees. *We could spend a month coming up with all the different things that trigger our anxiety but few come close to the feeling of being stoned and not knowing why. *Doomscrolling! Facebook is still down and the longer it stays down, the more worried people are about the idea of using craigslist and myspace again. Move over ivermectin, Merck has entered the chat. Police and teachers warn about the felonious behaviors being promoted on tik tok. A couple on vacation in Arkansas find a huge diamond in the ground and Lazlo finds a huge hole in Slim's head. *A couple in D.C. claim they accidentally bought the house where the actual exorcist took place. *Julia's bf spent the weekend alone and he's finally feeling happy and whole again. *Been awhile? Here are some indications that you might be in serious need of romance. *It's just facebook and it was just down for a day but don't tell Lazlo and Slimfast that. They're both floating away on the river of conspiracies. *Another Monday in the books. Have a great day/night and please stop back by tomorrow. If our keycards still work, we'll be here. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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​It's Friday! Where my DFW crew at? *Jessica from Vegas tells us how to beat up a shark and I think that's pretty darn thoughtful of her. *Did you get COVID? Did you experience any of the strange COVID side effects? Lost of taste and smell? Restless anal syndrome? *Doomscrolling! We're running out of stuff to buy. A hs in Orlando voted for their first transgender homecoming queen. Brian Laundrie is still missing. Golfers attack pranksters with air horns and people get hurt. How to transport a large couch with a mini cooper. Deck the halls and punch his balls. Please buy this guy's catalytic converter so he can pay his bond. *Studies have shown that men are really bad at sizing up other men. Here's what to look for before throwing down with a stranger. *It's Friday and Nick Wright is on the program! He's got more surprises for us and he tells us everything we need to know about week 4. *A lot of people over 50 claim they're having sex five times a week! They also claim they're having the best sex of their lives and they're doing it all over the house. *October is here. That means cool nights, pumpkin patches, scary movies, and locked in syndrome. *Aloha! Have a great weekend. Talk to us on social media @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church Hope to see you Monday!  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!  

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Why are we talking about Super Tramp? Why would a person purposely want to smell like smoked meat? How many times will we hear the name Britney Spears this year? There's a lot to cover here. *Doomscrolling! The CIA wanted to kill Julian Assange? Quit fighting with health care workers. "New phone. Who dis?" -Brian Laundrie  Should a woman be allowed to sue a man for an unwanted pregnancy? A guy finds a painting at Goodwill that he painted 21 years ago in art class. Lazlo is not impressed. A guy opened the emergency door on an airplane at the airport and jumped off the wing. He wasn't feeling well. That doesn't seem so bad to me. We've all thought about it. *Lazlo is about to seriously blow Slim's mind when he tells him about an amazing new product. *Lazlo has an interesting way of complimenting Lil Nas X. *What would you miss about the pandemic if it ever ends? *Top 5 Deadliest animals in America. Lazlo could take every single one of em. *How much blood has to be on your hotel mattress for you to leave? *Have a great day/night! Jeriney just informed me that it's Thursday today so we'll see you tomorrow.  -Everybody Wang Chung!! 

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