Church of Lazlo Podcasts

If you enjoy The Church of Lazlo, I think you'll enjoy today's show. Plenty of random conversations with no cohesive themes, just like the old days. *First up, Slimfast is going to see Bill Burr tonight which gets us talking about stand ups and how hard their job is. *Who in the hell schedules a break up date and tells their partner to be prepared? Just send a text or disappear. What is wrong with you? *Friends. How many of us have them? How many have you lost since the pandemic began? Fights about vaccines are testing a lot of friendships. *Doomscrolling! Gavin Newsom won and Caitlyn Jenner is not happy about it. Kids may be eligible for the vaccine soon. Missing White Woman is still dominating the headlines. Kids are getting drunk on hand sanitizer at school. The prominent lawyer is South Carolina who was shot in the head has a few things he'd like to get off his chest. *Have you ever been in a real fight? Yelling doesn't count, you gotta throw punches. Is it every okay to throw a punch? *Parents talk about their biggest regrets and we want to know if Lazlo shares their sorrow. *Are you a totally different person on the weekend? If not, why not? It's fun. *Teachers and administrators would appreciate it if you could tell your middle school kids to stop wearing collars and barking like dogs in class. Maybe it's time to take away their Tik Tok. *We are out of here but Slimfast has big news to share with Lazlo before we leave. This could end up being the biggest discovery of the last twenty years. Have a great day and stay lazy. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Rest in Power Norm Macdonald. *How would you hit on yourself? How would we hit on each other? Slimfast is an easy nut to crack. *Doomscrolling! We've seen our fair share of 'Missing White Woman' stories but this one lacks some important details. Police say they'll be better prepared for this weekend's far right rally than they were on Jan 6th. Man with the letters ATM tattooed on his neck commits predictable crime. Another naked woman appears in another storm drain in Florida. Hot dryer bad for the baby. Grenade fisherman snags the catch of his life. *We've all been scammed at some point. Maybe you got tricked into sending someone your AOL login info or sent your tax returns to a fake IRS agent. But have you ever been tricked into shaving your head over the phone? *A guy on tik tok is getting roasted for trying to pick up women by flashing his bank account balance. People laugh but I'm willing to be it eventually worked. *Why are you single even though you're such a great catch? *Live from New York, Nick Wright is on the program as he tries to overpower a pack of rowdy teenagers in the park. *Boom! That's a wrap! If this dive is still open tomorrow, let's meet back up again. We had fun.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Aren't Mondays the best?! I hope you're fully recharged and ready to go! Football started this weekend which means we're wearing long sleeves and drinking pumpkin spiced everything. *Lazlo doesn't believe in love. Scratch that. He doesn't believe in lasting love. *Britney's getting married and we aren't the only one's who think she needs a prenup. *Doomscrolling! Biden says his patience is wearing thin with the anti-vaxers. Some right-wingers are angry about the prosecution of Jan 6th rioters so they're planning another riot on September 18th. North Korea got some new toys. Onion fumes do not cure COVID. Kids shooting kids on a haunted hay ride. Humans being bros at a college football game. https://bit.ly/3z2VuoY *Lazlo has some predictions about MGK and his explanation is pretty compelling. *Pop Punk bands of 2000's all hated one thing. How did we not notice this sooner? https://bit.ly/3k7tVqp *How often do you "let your hair down"? You're supposed to do it four times a month. Get at it! *Sounds that trigger happy memories or just make us feel calm. The list is long but the top answer by far is music. What's your happy song? *Nick Wright is on the program! We recap old discussions from this show and Nick shares his thoughts on week one. *Have a great night! I don't know if it's a scam but I applied to participate in a study that claims to pay $1,300 to watch 13 scary movies. https://bit.ly/3lpEogj​ I just wrote them the best resume of my life! Fingers crossed! Have a great day and don't forget to let your hair down. -Everybody Wang Chung!!! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're on a desert island and you only get one movie about a bachelor party in Vegas, what do you choose?  *Life Pro Tip: When trying to determine whether or not meat from your fridge is still safe to eat, feed it to a loved one first and wait an hour. *Yahoo News published an article about a wanted murderer from Missouri and it includes two photos of the suspect and one photo of Slimfast. *Righteous anger. Righteous douchebag. *The Matrix Resurrections trailer is out. For some reason this got us thinking about the worst movie sequels of all time. *We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to look back on the Grown Ups films. *A man died in a freak accident at a McDonalds drive thru. Kind of makes you question every decision you've ever made. *Football starts tonight! Nick Wright is on the program to discuss the game but not before he clears the air with Lazlo. *Happy Birthday! If it's your birthday today, you gotta admit it's kind of weird that I typed that. I've never typed that in a podcast description before. You and me are on some sort of astral plane together or something. Thanks for stopping by and don't forget we're open again tomorrow. See you then.    -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!!  

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo! Can you guess which of us didn't get enough sleep last night? Sometimes you gotta party on a weeknight. *California is about to make "stealthing" illegal. Don't know what that is? Neither did we but we'll explain. *Doomscrolling!! America has the most kids with COVID since this whole thing started. Texas is gonna catch all the rapist. A judge in Kentucky wouldn't grant a couple their divorce and instead sent them to counseling. A lawsuit says Bumble discriminates men by only allowing women to send the first message. ​A couple of 10/10 Florida stories today too. *Get To Know Us!! GTK! GTK! What do think people only pretend to like? When were you caught naked? What's your teen comedy? *Fifteen things that were better back in the day. *A new list of good paying jobs that don't require a college degree. I gotta get my CDL. *Nick Wright is on the show and football is back!! Time for picks, arguments, and putting some money on the line! *Have a great day! Check out lazlo.church and don't forget.........-Everybody Wang Chung!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Welcome back! Kids are stupid.  Kids say stupid things. Kids say mean things. Kids say things they're gonna regret later. Why do we let kids have social media? *Remember when you were a kid and you'd push your friend down a hill in a truck tire or jump off a sixty foot cliff on a dare? Most of us did tons of dangerous stuff but some of it stands out above the rest. *Doomscrolling!! If you know how to make micro chips, GM would like to speak with you. A South Carolina lawyer is making national news as he puts the finishing touches on his Lifetime Movie of the week. A six year-old girl died on a ride at an amusement park in Colorado. Experts think our three day super spreader weekend will end up being a big success. The Satanic Temple is taking on the abortion ban in Texas. Rikers Island is hiring. Would you like to give a dollar to charity? Just kidding, we already took your money. *Would it be more embarrassing to die in the shower or to have one of those medial chairs in your tub? Asking for a friend. *Slimfast has been going to casinos and playing scratch offs for years. He finally hit a jackpot. *How's my wittle cutie puddin pants? *If you miss Discmans, VHS, Spice Girls, and Game Boys, you be a Jeriney. *What sucks about being your age? Don't tell me you're just grateful to be alive and you don't have any complaints because I don't want to hear it. *Thanks for listening. Tell a friend, call your mom, call my mom I don't care. I just hope you have a good day.     -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Yo!! If your significant other asked to use your laptop, would you feel comfortable handing it over? *Everyone should have at least one dance move. You never know when you're gonna find yourself in the middle of a dance floor with a beer in your hand. Time to get some tips on YouTube. *Doomscrolling!! Biden says we should ignore the jobs report and focus on taxing the rich. A Florida school district is no longer accepting mask exemption letters from chiropractors. A man shoots his elderly mom to "put her out of her misery". A mother loses her 13 year-old son to COVID but she's still not comfortable getting the vaccine. Can boobs grow back? Yes. Grimace from McDonald's is a taste bud apparently. ABBA has new music. *Men who do more chores than their wife/gf are more likely to split up. *Olivia Rodrigo allegedly paid Paramour and Taylor swift millions. *There's an international penis size chart. Rates each country by average size. I think I brought down our average a bit and I apologize. *What are the most overrated tourists attractions in the world? *Everything is better on TV. *That's a wrap! Have a great weekend and hopefully we'll see you Tuesday.   -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Are humans capable of breathing through their butts? I don't know how to do it but scientists think they could be close. *Are you a party pooper? A new study says party poopers are basically unhappy and unhealthy. This was an actual study done by an actual school. *Doomscrolling! Is the FTC really looking into McDonald's broken ice cream machines? Flash flooding in New York looks post apocalyptic. More and more kids are showing up in the ER with COVID but scientists are optimistic that they'll be eligible for the vaccine soon. The supreme court is allowing the Texas abortion ban to stand, for now. Florida could fine business that require proof of vaccination. Joe Rogan just threw a kitchen sink. A man calls 911 to report that his dog grabbed a gun and shot itself in the head. A DQ employee asks an anti-masker to cover his face. Anti-masker responds by urinating. *Why are so many people adamant about getting revenge on their exes and why does that revenge almost always involve vandalizing their car? *Julia surprised everyone today with some very big news involving a friend of the show! I don't want to give it away here but let's just say this friend is looking to make out with someone. *You're doing it wrong! Boomers complain about millennials while gen-x sits back, laughs, and watched the world burn. *Is your cat smarter than my cat? Is your cat smarter than me? Who's cat is this? *His Holiness, The Q Goat or whatever says he's done with Q'Anon and his lawyer would like to remind everyone that his client is a moron. *You're almost there! The finish line is so close! Only one more work day seperates you from that three day weekend. Unless you work in retail, the service industry, health care...      -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​These lips have never been kissed. That's because I have COVID lips and Lazlo says I have to put on a mask before we can cuddle. *Five habits of highly ineffective dumb people. *Doomscrolling! America is on track to break our own hospitalization numbers for COVID. China limits the amount of time kids can spend playing games online. Abortion is basically banned in Texas now. The pentagon says military dogs did not get left behind in Afghanistan. Ohio judge orders a doctor to give a patient Ivermectin. *Get To Know Us!! GTK! GTK! GTK! 1) You win $1 billion if you can start a family fight at the dinner table. What's your move? 2) In school, what were you known for? 3) Your sexual experiences are now trading cards. What's your rarest card? 4) What are you nostalgic about? What will you be nostalgic about in 40 years?  *Comedy Central has decided not to air reruns of an old network sitcom because it's too raunchy. *Does your drink order anger your bartender? Yes. *Pink started beef with a teen YouTube star or something. Julia has to explain the story. *That's it! So long! Hope to see you tomorrow! Don't forget to take the trash out tonight unless it's not trash night. -Everybody Wang Chung!!! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fact of the day: There's such a thing as a cow-bison hybrid. It's called a beefalo. You're welcome. *The entire cast reunites for Tuesday's show! What's the best way to get fired? Do you play it cool? Throw something at your boss? Ask for a box of tissues to dry your tears while someone from HR steadies you as you walk to your car that's about to be repossessed? Or do you get revenge? A woman in Florida decided to go the revenge route and it could cost her serious prison time. *Doomscrolling! We are officially out of Afghanistan. COVID-19 decided one variant wasn't enough, meet COVID C.1.2! Lightening strikes, and a lifeguard dies. A man brings a table leg to a machete fight. A Virginia school board gets the Bart Simpson treatment and goes swimmingly. https://bit.ly/3kFTjCB *Who's the coolest person you know? What does it take to be cool? Turns out, you need more than used a Scion and motto pants. *Jeriney is living the ultimate nightmare. The biggest, baddest, scariest people in the world are trying to find her. *Does he actually like you? Does he want to be your boyfriend? You can tell by the way he "loves" you if he's in it for the long haul. Is it really so bad to ask questions "during"? Asking for a friend. *You! I love ya! Don't forget to say hi on twitter https://bit.ly/3Bs8eXR and Insta https://bit.ly/3tfNT5n​ Hope to see you tomorrow!   -Everybody Wang Chung!!! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.