Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Yo! I love seeing you after the weekend. I'm always worried you're gonna find some other show and start ignoring me. I can't help it. I'm sorry. *How do tell your spouse you just aren't in the mood? Probably best to play it safe and just tell them you don't think they're attractive anymore. *Doomscrolling! Hurricane IDA decided to throw the worst anniversary party possible. Afghanistan is still a mess and we're about out of time to try and get people out. COVID numbers continue to break all the wrong records in America. Ed Asner passed away at 91. A New York landlord finds herself homeless after her residents stopped paying rent over a year ago. If you're missing a Rhino head, the police would like to speak with you. *Nick Wright is on the program and he's looking to pick a fight. *What are bathroom prison rules and why are they being taught to kids in elementary school? *Racist man story. Racist women story. *How far have you gone to impress an ex? Kick her out of a concert? Kidnap her and pretend to be rescue her? The options are virtually limitless. *Thank you!! See ya tomorrow!! -Everybody Wang Chung!!! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

YOOO! It's Friday and we are amped! *Kanye did Kanye stuff last night and he managed to still surprise us. *Slimfast claims he's found a way to never work another day in your life. Turns out it's a garbage idea. *Doomscrolling! Biden's gonna hunt down some terrorists. COVID numbers in the US are astonishing. A man high on mushrooms shot and killed a young father. Some schools want athletes to wear ankle monitors at school to make sure they are socially distancing. A Christian OnlyFans star says Jesus would love sex workers.  During an early morning walk, a man is attacked by two dogs and the whole thing was captured on video. A St Louis man was striking out on dating apps so he came up with a clever idea. A judge says parents must pay for their son's pornography that they threw away. *Who are the top three bands, dead or alive, that you wish would make new music? *Remember the days when you could get in a fight at school and no one filmed it and it wasn't on the internet? Lazlo remembers. *With all this talk about Nirvana's Nevermind album this week, what about people on other famous rock albums? *What's a perfectly reasonable sentence that would make no sense 20 years ago? *Have a great weekend! See you Monday!! -Everybody Wang Chung!! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I did some terrible math I believe Lazlo and I have done almost 5,000 shows together. So keep that in mind on those days when we sound a little bored with ourselves. Today was not one of those days! Everyone is in a great mood and we all want to be little kids again. *Doomscrolling! Deadly explosions in Afghanistan. COVID is trying its best to kick America's ass. The best school board speech we've ever heard. Restaurant owner gets stabbed in the neck by an employee and there's video and the thing went through his neck! Guy stabbed him in the back of the neck and the knife came out the front!! He didn't even know he got stabbed!! shorturl.at/eiEHN​ A sheriff in Oklahoma gets pulled over and refuses to show his license. The whole thing is on video. shorturl.at/uHJMS​ *Girls on Tik Tok are listing themselves like used cars. Number of owners, miles, year, condition and notes. We do are own it's pretty depressing. *How may beers do you have to drink before you get tipsy? I always thought it was the four-beer buzz but most Americans get tipsy on slightly less. *What change did you make in your life that you wish you'd done sooner. I'm telling you, using two clean towels after a shower in stead of one is life changing. *Who are the celebs you can't stand for no particular reason? *Let end things on a bang. I found a list of things women do that turn men off. Lazlo and Julia decide how accurate it is. *Hey! I appreciate you. We'd love to see you again tomorrow. Hit us up in insta and twitter @churchoflazlo and swing by lazlo.church if you get a chance. Ciao!  -Everybody Wang Chung!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There's never been a better time to write a brief recap of today's show than right now. Jeopardy is still having a hard time finding a host who's lived a sin free life. *The baby from the cover of Nevermind is 30 now and he's suing Nirvana for using that picture. *Doomscrolling!!! Johnson & Johnson is getting your booster ready. Cuomo's dog is up for adoption. Pop Tarts are getting sued for some dumb reason and I want in. A police officer hits on a married woman and punches her husband but it's cool because he's a cop. Are you a nurse and you don't want to get vaccinated? Nebraska would like to talk to you. *It's Wednesday and we finally remembered to do Get To Know Us! GTK Wednesday! 1) What's something you know is true but you don't have proof? 2)What was the hardest breakup with a TV show you ever had? 3) What were you warned about as a kid that turned out be exaggerated?  *A woman in Belgium is in love with a chimp at the zoo but the zoo says she can't come around anymore. *The mayor of a town in Missouri would really appreciate your prayers, as he tries to sneak some horse medicine to his friend in the hospital. *Julia wants to know what makes men feel manly. Actually, so does Slimfast. *What movies had the worst lessons? And why haven't I seen Grease? *Thanks for downloading this turkey. We'll dish up another one tomorrow. Until then,  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo!! How’s everyone doing? Good? Great! We’d like to introduce you to the newest member of the show, Mr Moneybags. *I don’t expect Americans to start putting on three-piece suits or formal dresses every time they leave the house but do we have to be the “Show Me Your B***H**E” country? *Doomscrolling!! Biden’s got a week to get people out of Afghanistan. China says COVID probably originated in the US. Why carry a vaccine passport when you could get a QR-Code tattoo? How do you incentivize prison inmates to get vaccinated? Florida man caught with his pants down. Something something tik tok, something something milk crates. It’s August and a thousand degrees outside which means we’re all craving Pumpkin Spiced Lattes. Congratulations, if you’re reading this, you’ve outlived one of the Rolling Stones. *Why are men so bad at everything? They can’t even grocery shop without a picture book and map. Or do men pretend to be bad at everything because they don’t want to be asked to do it again? If that’s the case, men should pretend to be bad at more stuff. *Twitter says movies like Fight Club and Joker are relationship red flags. Now they’ve come up with green flag movies. *What makes you undateable? What makes your perpetually single friend undateable? Bad tattoos? Hard on the eyes? Unemployed? Too picky? Know-it-all? Yes. *What do Jeriney and carnival mirror prizes have in common? Remember, the simplest answer is usually correct. *That's a wrap! Go home and get some sleep. Thanks for listening! We'll try to remember our energy powder tomorrow.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Why is Lazlo late? What's that? He's in the bosses office? The boss across the hall? Oh boy. *Julia found her DARE workbook from the 5th grade and brought it in to share with us. Sounds like 5th-grade-Julia would be pretty disappointed to be hanging out with us. I'm guessing adult Julia ain't exactly over the moon about it either. *Doomscrolling! The Pfizer vaccine is fully approved which is great news because we all took that thing months ago. Floods in Tennessee are the craziest weather story today. Toxic algae blooms, nuff said. Remember Four Seasons Total Landscaping? Laura Jane Grace remembers. You're not a horse. You're not a cow. *The four of us had a little Zoom meeting this morning and it couldn't be clearer which one of us is Mom and Dad's favorite. *Tips for breaking up with someone you live with do not include joint custody of a dog. *Whoa! Nick Wright surprised us with a call today and the story he shares is horrific. *Greatest on-screen couples of all time? If you said, Goldie Hawn and Mel Gibson, you're the only one. *Have a fantastic morning/day/night! See you tomorrow! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo!! Today we’d like to talk about Booth Floosies and the impact they can have on your career. *Let’s discuss the perks and drawbacks of a little quality alone time. *Doomscrolling! Alabama hospitals are full, dad’s ashes are missing, aliens are killing hikers, and more! *Lazlo needs to find a way to get back at his neighbors. *The weirdest things you saw at a friend’s house when you were a kid. *Which name-brand product is worth the extra money? *Helluva show everyone! This week has been a blast and we owe it all to you! Have a great weekend and -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​What would you do if you came home and caught your spouse in bed with someone else? *How much is your time worth? Americans spend a lot of money trying to make life more convenient. *Doomscrolling! R Kelly's trial finally begins, get your booster, capitol bomb threat, save your powerball tickets, and stop surfing on top of your car. *Lazlo wants to get a snake tattoo. *Julia has been sneaking out of the house and getting picked up by dudes or something. *Would you stop seeing someone if you found out they'd recently stabbed someone? *Slimfast is still trying to find someone to sue. *Who's doing the chores in this relationship? You. *Have a great day! TTYS! ;)  -Everybody Wang Chung!!  

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

​Lazlo's son starts his last season of flag football tonight. After this, it's either tackle or nothing. Lazlo is torn. *Netflix released a mysterious trailer for their new Bob Ross documentary. We learn that Julia has a Bob Ross board game and Jeriney wears Bob Ross pajamas. *A women in Ohio noticed a man in a parking garage who looked warm. She offered him a bottle of water. As a token of his appreciation, he presented himself to her. *Doomscrolling is almost totally gloom free today! A deer goes trick-or-treating, Scottie loves KISS, Jeriney and Slimfast matched on tinder, and Julia didn't give anyone COVID this summer. *Nick Wright is on the program! He's on a big "No guts, no glory" kick. *You can learn a lot about a person by going through their phone and hiding microphones around their house. You can learn a little bit about a person by how they cook their eggs and steak. *Why won't he sleep with you? He will. The end. *Adidas released Ned Flanders shoes and they're okay but Julia's Pizza Hut shoes are still cooler. *A woman says she was fired from her job as a nurse because of her OnlyFans account. *Julia's dad is the real MVP. *Put a fork in it!!!   -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yo! You are spending way too much online! It's important sometimes to just stick to the necessities like Pizza Hut sandals and wearable neck fans. *Doomscrolling! Knock knock. Who's there? The taliban. If you're gonna pretend like someone tried to threaten you by sending a muzzle to your house, don't order the muzzle with your own credit card on your own amazon account. Have you had your booster? Teslas seem to dislike emergency vehicles. If you're gonna throw your kid's birthday party at a Tails and Scales, you might have to wrestle an alligator. United Airlines has decided not to duct tape passengers. Possibly the strangest way to die on an amusement park ride just happened in Utah. *Today's episode of The Best Way to Fight Your Partner is brought to you by two divorced guys. *Ladies, you're not the only ones confused about men's behavior. *What are the greatest movies you only need to see once? More importantly, what the hell happened to Jeriney growing up? *When someone asks you if you'd like to round up to the next dollar for charity, how do you say no? Lazlo's got you covered. *Great seeing you! Don't forget to tip the bartenders.   -Everybody Wang Chung!!!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.