Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Yo! It's free coffee day but who cares? Lazlo watched the multiple personality thing on Netflix which means it's time for him to yell at Slimfast for making crappy tv recommendations. *Careful guys! Just because she's giving you the look, laughing at your jokes, texting you first, and touching you, it doesn't mean she​'s flirting! *Doomscrolling! If more people don't get vaccinated, it's gonna be a long winter. Brain eating amoebas shouldn't be a thing and they certainly shouldn't be a thing at children's water parks. Britney is back in court today to finally put an end to her conservatorship. If you think you might have rabbis you should probably get treated. A man drowns with a winning lottery ticket in his pocket. The Kentucky Duel Oath is still a thing and I'm honestly good with it. *Do you think people feel sorry for you when they see you eating and drinking alone in public? *We here at COL take pride in being Soaking hipsters. *Millennials never asked for pinball machines in the office. *A quick round of GTK! What's the one unspoken rule you always follow? What movie do you always leave on when it pops up on tv? *Have a great day! If you live in DFW, please take a moment to head over to the station's facebook (https://www.facebook.com/alt1037dfw) and say something nice about us. Don't forget to follow us on social media @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church   -Everybody Wang Chung!!

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​Yo! Do you believe in multiple personalities? Do you enjoy pop culture references that only make sense to the people saying them? I sure hope so because that's what's up today. *Things get a little serious while we discuss a hazing death that happened in Virginia. *Doomscrolling! There's a serious fuel shortage in the U.K. Is Dog The Bounty Hunter going to find Laundrie? Sell pork bellies, buy Pokemon Oreos. It's just like delivery except it's in your freezer and you shouldn't eat it. Jeriney instructs us on how to boil bear urine. Janie's got a gun, Paul Blart's got a knife. *What mystery do you want solved before you die? JFK? JonBenét Ramsey​? The ending to that Manifest show so that you don't have to keep watching it? *Gabby Petito's family held a press conference. *Netflix did something they never do. They released some ratings for their top original content. Top ten shows and movies. *Why did Eli Manning have to apologize for flipping off the camera? It's a football game! *What subjects and activities do you wish you had in school? Kids have been surveyed and they want Go-Karts. I love it! How much better would school be with Go-Karts?! *That's a wrap! Thanks for listening. Hope to see you tomorrow.  -Everybody Wang Chung! 

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​Things start off a little awkward today. On Friday, Slimfast and Lazlo made plans to go drink at an art fair over the weekend. Slimfast was supposed to text but he never did. He did, however, go to the art fair without Lazlo. *Ten years ago, Lazlo and Slimfast got into an argument about hypothetical  women with hypothetical seal faces. It doesn't come up often but when it does, it still doesn't make any sense. *Doomscrolling!  Always buckle up on amusement park rides, an Amtrak crashed over the weekend, officials (and Dog The Bounty Hunter) are still looking for Brian Laundrie, mom's spaghetti looks delicious, rolling coal gone wrong, a Seattle driving school was on the take, and the neighbor from hell. *What happens to the women who use Lazlo's Magic Shower? *Lazlo is still salty about being stood up by Slimfast so he's taking friend applications. *The word "virginity" is on trial. Its potential replacement is a real show stopper. *An actor at a haunted house in Ohio stabbed a kid right in his Crocs!! *Something about makeup and Britney Spears and Slimfast being an idiot. *We're out of time. Lazlo's got a big show tonight and he doesn't want to be late. Thanks for listening. I think you're the best and you look great without a filter.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! 

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​Yo! Happy Friday! Lets celebrate by opening these GIANT cans of beer Lazlo brought! *Almost half of all Americans say they are working their dream job. That's a lot of people. How many dream jobs can there be? *Doomscrolling! Q Anon is allegedly spreading anti Semitism, fifteen people got shot at a Kroger in Tennessee, R Kelly's jury is deliberating, a Jet Blue passenger becomes violent when he can't get his cell phone to work,  kid kayaks to school because we've run out of school busses, a minister allegedly assaulted kids at a bus stop, an airplane got stuck in power lines, and an eleven year-old kid goes to work with his mom. *Nick Wright is on the show! He's got a big surprise for us and we make our NFL picks for the weekend. *Slimfast needs Lazlo's advice about how kids should respond to bullies. Lazlo suggests full prison rules for 4th graders. *Did you have family bonding activities when you were a kid? Do you have any with your kids? May we suggest random dance parties in your living room? *Is Lazlo getting paid by big pharma to promote vaccines? The answer is obviously no but some people are too conspiratorial to reason with.  *We read messages from @churchoflazlo instagram. Wow, a lot of you have had your houses raided by the police. *Have a great weekend! Stop by lazlo.church if you get a minute. See you Monday! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Lazlo's worried he's being a bad dad because he didn't make dinner for the boys until 9pm. I think 9pm should be the default dinner time for any person under 65. *There's a mom on tik tok who lost her teeth during pregnancy. Now she gets millions of views demonstrating how she makes herself over. The transformation is really something to behold and we all agree that it's cool. We don't all agree on whether or not someone in her position should divulge this information on a first date. Jeriney says there's absolutely no reason this woman should have to divulge anything about her looks to anyone at any time. This gives Lazlo an idea. He wants to start renting Lambo's and multi-million dollar mansions so he can make a good first impression on the ladies. Julia says Lazlo's comparison is garbage which leads to a full blown father/daughter fight. *Doomscrolling! COVID boosters for seniors, still no sign of Brian Laundrie, Biden says no more horses at the border, Reno says no more permitless whips downtown (?), a high school football player dies from head injuries, white water fountains, and nipples turning black and falling off. *Patrick Mahomes' brother tossed water on Ravens fans at the game last weekend. Do you hide any family members from your coworkers or are you the sibling being sent to stay at the cabin in the woods? *Science has proven several random factors can seriously impact your success as an adult. Oh, and it turns out everything we thought we knew about the popular kids in high school was wrong. *Americans waste a lot of money on a lot of things but how many of you bought beef liver pills in bulk this month? *Welp, bout time I hit the old dusty trail. I hope you manage to mosey on over here again tomorrow. Until then..... -Everybody Wang Chung!!!! 

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​Lazlo tried to have a quiet wholesome evening at home last night. He decided to find something new to watch and start binging. He went to bed angry and he appears he wasn't feeling any better when he woke up. We also talk about Britney's new documentary and American's missing white girl obsession. *Doomscrolling! Gabby's identity was confirmed, Abbott does not like Biden, McDonald's is going to save the planet by using less plastic in their happy meal toys, a man was murdered for complimenting someone's girlfriend, fentanyl is still showing up in cocaine so please be careful, and Prince Andrew is a wanted man. *Why is Slimfast still so scared of upsetting his mother and why is Lazlo telling his mother about his sex life? *What if he's just in it for the sex? Here's a few tips to help figure out his intentions. *I like pleasure spiked with pain and Julia reclines on every airplane. *Millennials are statistically the worst tippers because Slimfast brings down their average so much. *Have a great day! Hope you get railed!  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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We learned today that Jeriney does "adult dancing" with her mom. Then we learned that tap is considered adult dancing. Julia wants Lazlo to spend this fall learning a skill that would surprise and excite the women he meets. Now he's just gotta decide what he wants to learn. *A woman on tik tok is going viral for crying about her bad haircut. Have you ever cried about a bad haircut? Have you ever received an intentionally bad haircut from a guy because you wouldn't play his band on the radio? *Doomscrolling! Gabby's autopsy is happening today. September is about to be the deadliest month for covid since last winter. A man decides to take his own life by jumping off a building but he ends up taking a pedestrian out with him. *MGK is beefing with Slipknot and he's awfully quick to attack people for being "old". *Ever get the feeling that you're being watched in your hotel room or AirBnb? You are. *Liquor shortages are a real thing and we think the president needs to get involved immediately. *The best fast food chicken nuggets in the country. *Do you collect anything? Baseball cards? Watches? Old frozen pizza boxes? *Concert room concerts are about to return and we're gonna bring them to you. *Have a great day! Be nice to the free hugs guy! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Julia just got back from her hot country weekend. Slimfast couldn't pass a roadside sobriety test sober. *Doomscrolling! They found Gabby's body and it has been the biggest story of the weekend. Plus, vaccines for kids and motels with complimentary meth! *Berries and Cream. Why? *Older generations love to talk about how much better things were when they were kids but it's mostly bs. *Nick Wright is on the program and he's not in a great mood today. *When you're tired of complaining about mask mandates and critical race theory, why not complain about corn hole at the school board meeting? *Have a great day! Good luck to the Lions! See you tomorrow! -Everybody Wang Chung!! 

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It's Friday! Is anyone else tired? Like you sleep for twelve hours and you're still tired? What's up with that? *Julia feels attacked for being the healthiest and most responsible person on the show. It's not an attack, just an observation. *If you care about the new Jeopardy host or complain about city taxes, where did your life go wrong? *Doomscrolling! The South Carolina lawyer story is filled with twists and turns so we'll give you the Reader's Digest version and move on. Because we're living in 2021, hearing news that the white house reached out to Nicki Minaj and offered medical advice doesn't even seem that weird. There are so many fake COVID vaccination cards being imported, customs stopped trying to count them. A Michigan man is suing a school because a teacher cut his daughter's hair. Toilet paper shortages were inconvenient but no one wants to live in a world without Lunchables. The missing white woman is still missing but the first member of her fiancé's family has spoken out. *Nick Wright is on the show and it's time to talk football! *Lazlo caught Slim doing something he didn't like and confronts him on air. *Possibly the best part of being an adult is not having to ask permission to buy dumb crap. Slimfast talks Julia into buying some dumb crap during this discussion. *You can buy wine that comes in a wiener shaped bottle. Slim thinks it's proof that women are starting to behave more like men but Lazlo reminds him that it's all a big joke with the ladies. *Did your parents go to all of your little league games when you were a kid? Is that normal? Lazlo fears he's uncovered something sad about Slim's childhood. *It​'s Friday! Go do something fun! We can all meet back up here on Monday!! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Why do kids have to wake up so early to go to school? Why does does the school day last so long? Why do I still get so angry when I think about school? *Time has named the most influential people of 2021 and none of us made the cut. *Doomscrolling! Missing white woman is still missing but we have new police body-cam footage of the couple from August. A high school told students not to wear red white and blue clothing on 9/11 because it might offend someone. You buy a house and after you move in they build something new on your street. Something that makes living that house a living hell. Any guesses? *"Officer, the blood and knife are fake and so is Michael Myers. I just thought dressing up like a psychopathic murderer and taking a walk on the beach would lift people's spirits." *When were you walked in on during sex? Lazlo: "Never"  Slimfast: "Never" Julia: "Hold on, I'm still counting." *Of course habits that hurt your sex life life are all habits of mine. *Is there anything better than doing team building exercises at work?  *It takes a few minutes but we finally get Lazlo to come up with one positive thing about being in a relationship. *Things that terrified millennials when they were young that turned out to be totally harmless or fake. *Thanks for hanging out! Don't eat silica gel! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!​

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