Coaching Culture

John Mayer had just won LMU's first conference championship when he started questioning everything about how he coached. He had a system that worked. He changed it anyway.

JP Nerbun sits down with John Mayer, head beach volleyball coach at Loyola Marymount and the 2025 AVCA National Coach of the Year, to unpack the research that pulled him away from being the coach with all the answers. You will hear why a strong learning environment starts with the individual, why his practices open with cartwheels and one-eyed sets, and how handing players problems instead of solutions made them more creative, more independent, and less dependent on him under pressure.

If your athletes execute beautifully in practice but look to the sideline the moment things get hard, this conversation will change how you think about your next practice plan.

Chapters(00:00) Intro: from elite player to coach
(06:09) What a learning environment needs
(10:14) Do feel-good drills belong?
(14:08) Differential learning and noise
(16:22) The 2019 coaching crisis
(19:49) Letting go of being the guru
(21:37) Earning buy-in with feedback
(26:31) Did it work? Results at LMU
(29:08) How practice shapes culture
(33:41) When new ideas become too many
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"I flipped from before I was the provider of solutions, and then I became the provider of problems."
John Mayer

"I'm not as worried about what they like. My daughter likes ice cream. That doesn't mean it's gonna help her perform at a high level. I'm concerned in what's effective."
John Mayer

"These are the sort of people I want to put into the world, not people who follow orders."
John Mayer

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: What part of practice feels good but does not actually make you better, and where do you feel the kind of struggle that does?

Q2: When something in practice confuses you or is not working, how comfortable are you telling us, and what would make it easier?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

The Nonlinear Nature of Learning: A Differential Learning Approach by Wolfgang Schöllhorn and colleagues
John credits Schöllhorn's differential learning research out of Germany with turning his coaching upside down. This open-access paper explains why adding variation, or noise, to practice can help athletes find their own movement solutions instead of copying one prescribed technique.
Read the paper here

Key Takeaways

• Great players don't automatically make great coaches.
• Design for the sweet spot between success and failure.
• Differential learning turns off the fear of judgment.
• A coaching crisis can be the doorway to real growth.
• Being the provider of problems beats being the provider of solutions.
• Feedback should flow in both directions.

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Your team meetings tune the car, but practice is the road.

JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson take on a question a coach brought to JP: what do you do when there is almost no time to build culture outside of practice? Their answer is that practice is where athletes experience culture most and where a coach can push hardest on it. You will hear how to move values from the wall into the practice plan, why going hard is a skill you teach, a four step cycle for giving athletes reps at the behaviors you want, and what changes when you start from where your players actually are.

If your values live on a wall and you are not sure they live in your gym, this conversation gives you a place to start tomorrow.

Chapters(00:00) Intro: practice is culture
(04:27) Values in the practice plan
(06:32) Where coaches go wrong
(09:07) Awareness, opportunity, reinforce
(13:10) Purpose, structure, and focus
(17:33) Efficient, game-like practice
(22:10) Your mindset toward mistakes
(26:46) Mental skills in 30 seconds
(32:35) Start where players are
(38:07) Your own experience of practice
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"A lot of times the way that we've used some of those classroom times or those team meeting times, or those connection times is really like pulling into the pit stop and tuning up the car, but then we're putting it back out on the road. And practice is really the road."
Nate Sanderson

"The standard isn't a standard until we start actually holding that standard with our players, and the majority of those standards are being held within practice."
J.P. Nerbun

"It doesn't help them to tell them what they're not doing. It does help them to make them aware of the opportunities they have, to signal an opportunity before they're in it."
Betsy Butterick

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: Where in our practice plan do our team values actually show up, and where do they only live on the wall?

Q2: What part of practice makes you feel like you are getting better, and what part leaves you wondering why we are doing it?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
JP brought this book into the conversation. It separates measuring yourself against an ideal from measuring against where you started, a useful lens for any coach who catches themselves saying their team should be much further along.
Find the book here

Key Takeaways

• Practice is where culture lives, not where it gets tuned.
• A standard is not a standard until you hold it in practice.
• Going hard is a skill, so teach it.
• Efficient, game-like practice tells athletes you value their time.
• Intensity is a rhythm. Frustration is a rep.
• Start where your players are, then check your own reaction.

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Billy Armstrong wants every player he coaches to chase one truly impossible goal.

In part two of this conversation, three years after his first appearance on the podcast, Bergen Catholic head coach Billy Armstrong digs into the goal-setting philosophy behind his program's vision: making Bergen the best place to play high school basketball in America. Billy explains why he pushes players toward impossible goals instead of realistic ones, why every player builds a quit list before setting any goal, and why becoming elite at anything requires doing fewer things, not more.

If you missed part one, start there for the personal transformation behind all of this. Either way, this is a coach thinking seriously about what he's building and why.

Chapters(00:00) Intro: The Vision Behind the Program
(01:31) The Impossible Goal
(07:21) What Every Athlete Should Experience
(10:32) Why Over Who
(11:59) The Quit List
(16:04) Consumption and the Elite Mindset
(18:57) Elite Means Doing Fewer Things
(21:48) You Can't Coach Mad
(26:25) Getting Brutally Honest
(31:10) The Backpack Exercise
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"Bigger goals create bigger people."
- Billy Armstrong

"In order to be elite at anything, you've got to do fewer things in life."
- Billy Armstrong

"You can't coach mad. Everybody you coach is somebody's pride and joy."
- Billy Armstrong

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: What is your one impossible goal, and who do you need to become to get closer to it?

Q2: What's one thing on your quit list that would buy you back the most time and energy this week?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

Soundtracks by Jon Acuff
JP references this book's filter for the thoughts that keep coaches from having hard conversations: is it true, is it kind, is it helpful.
Find it on Amazon here

Key Takeaways

• Everyone Needs One Impossible Goal
• Ask Who, Not Why
• The Quit List Comes Before the Goal List
• Elite Means Doing Fewer Things, Not More
• Brutal Self-Honesty Ended the Avoidance
• Put the Backpack Down

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If you missed part one, catch it at tocculture.com.
Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Billy Armstrong hasn't just won four state championships in six years. He's become, in his own words, a completely different human being.

In part one of a two-part conversation, three years after his first appearance on the podcast, Bergen Catholic head coach Billy Armstrong opens up about the personal transformation behind his program's sustained success: trading a hidden self-improvement journey for total openness, moving from standing over his team to standing shoulder to shoulder with them, and learning that avoiding hard truths to protect a player's feelings was its own form of harm.

Whether you're three years into coaching or thirty, this conversation is a reminder that the culture you build only grows as far as you do. Part two drops next week.

Chapters(00:00) Intro: Three Years Later
(00:55) Becoming a Different Human Being
(03:28) From Hidden Journey to Open Book
(06:12) Coaching Shoulder to Shoulder
(07:55) Who Are You Trying to Become
(11:01) Keeping the Door Open
(12:42) The Locker Room That Changed Him
(19:12) Separating the Person from the Choice
(21:48) Lessons from Hurley and Wright
(24:22) Serious Fun and Letting Go of Control
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3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"We don't have control over outcomes and results in life. We have control in practice. When we get to the games, it's an illusion of control."
- Billy Armstrong

"There's a difference between important and special. The games are important, practice is important, your schoolwork is important. But the relationships we form within our program, if they're lifelong relationships, that's special."
- Billy Armstrong

"Because of this, something good will happen."
- Billy Armstrong

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: Where in your coaching have you been standing over your players instead of standing shoulder to shoulder with them?

Q2: Is there a hard truth you've been withholding from a player to protect their feelings, and what might it cost both of you if you keep waiting?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

The Culture System by JP Nerbun
Billy's TCC values, trust, care, and commitment, mirror the culture system framework JP outlines in this book: clear standards, built and reinforced on purpose.
Find it on Amazon here

Key Takeaways

• The Real Change Was Internal, Not Strategic
• From Hidden Journey to Open Book
• Coach Shoulder to Shoulder, Not Standing Over
• High Clarity Equals High Performance
• Protecting Culture Means Separating the Person from the Choice
• Serious Fun Replaced the Pressure to Perform

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Part 2, covering goal setting, the quit list, and building a program that outlasts you, drops next week.
Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

A standard isn't a standard unless it's enforced. That's the line JP Nerbun keeps coming back to in this solo episode, his first since the podcast's earliest days back in 2017.

JP unpacks twelve mistakes transformational coaches make, opening with the story of Anson Dorrance, the UNC women's soccer coach who paired relationship-building with ruthless competition, and closing with the story of a former player, Akeel, whose season turned around once the team held the line.

This one is for coaches who've leaned hard into building relationships and empowering players, and who might be ready to hear where that approach needs more edge, not less.

Chapters(00:00) Intro: The Anson Dorrance Story
(03:30) Why JP Is Going Solo Today
(05:30) The 2016 Standards Story
(09:00) Mistakes 1-2: Winning and Intensity
(12:30) Mistakes 3-4: Self-Esteem, Belonging
(18:00) Mistakes 5-6: Happiness, Playing Hero
(21:30) Mistakes 7-8: Goals, Price to Belong
(25:00) Mistakes 9-10: Life Beyond Sports
(28:00) Mistakes 11-12: No Real Consequences
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"A standard isn't a standard unless it's enforced."
JP Nerbun

"Shut the door and make them open it."
JP Nerbun

"Empathy without accountability is a short-sighted attempt to relieve human suffering."
Anna Lembke, quoted by JP Nerbun

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: Where in our program do we say we have a standard, but haven't actually enforced it this season?

Q2: What's the price to belong on this team right now, and is it high enough that being here actually means something?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

Inside Out Coaching by Joe Ehrmann
One of the foundational books on transformational coaching, and the source of the "Messiah complex" idea JP references in this episode.
Search "Inside Out Coaching Joe Ehrmann" wherever you buy books.

Key Takeaways

• Winning Still Matters for Transformational Coaches
• A Standard Isn't Real Until It's Enforced
• You Can't Give Players Self-Esteem, They Have to Earn It
• Real Consequences, Not Just Hard Conversations
• The Price to Belong Has to Be High Enough to Matter

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

LeBron James just left the Lakers for a shot at one more championship with the 76ers, and JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson use that move to dig into a question every coach eventually faces: what do you actually do with a player who has more talent, or more influence, than anyone else on your roster?

They unpack why coaches say nobody's bigger than the team but quietly lower standards the moment real talent shows up, what goes wrong when a superstar joins an established locker room without any groundwork, and why the best programs have the hard conversations about fit before signing day, not after.

Whether you're managing one dominant player or an entire roster of big personalities, this conversation will change how you think about talent, standards, and what it costs to hold both at once.

Chapters(00:00) Intro
(01:41) Would We Take a LeBron?
(03:46) When Personality Clashes With Culture
(07:52) Sport and Context Matter
(10:47) Every Problem Player Is Different
(13:49) Where Coaches Go Wrong Early
(18:09) Committing to Keep Talking
(22:52) Finding Shared Purpose
(26:14) Coaching the Team, Not Just the Star
(29:25) Individual Identity vs. Team Identity
(33:57) Doing the Work Before Signing Day
(36:32) When the Coach Takes the Fall
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"We say nobody's bigger than the team out loud, but when the rubber meets the road, we drop standards for the superstar."
- J.P. Nerbun

"It's not on the team to accept and integrate this new superstar. It's on the superstar to be intentional about developing the relationships that allow the superstar and the team to be successful."
- Betsy Butterick

"Let's just start with what's most important to them. Because oftentimes when we don't know what that thing is, we bang our head into the wall trying to fix these problems and issues that arise without really understanding what's most important to that player."
- Nate Sanderson

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: Where have we said "nobody's bigger than the team" out loud, but haven't backed it up with our actions?

Q2: If your most talented player joined the team tomorrow, who on the roster would need a conversation with you first, and have you had it yet?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

The Captain's Class by Sam Walker
Walker's research-backed case that unglamorous team captains, not the most talented rosters, are the real common thread behind sports' greatest dynasties.
Find it on Amazon here

Key Takeaways

• Standards Slip First for the Superstar
• The Superstar Should Adapt to the Team, Not the Other Way Around
• Vision and Values Let People Bring Themselves to the Team
• The Best Programs Do the Culture Work Before Signing Day
• Every Big Talent Comes With Someone Who Loses Something
• Start With What They Want Most

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

What happens after you finally admit the grind stopped working? That is where part two of this conversation with journalist Lindsay Crouse picks up.

Lindsay and JP dig into the physical cost of never backing off, talk through Simone Biles' 2021 Olympic decision, and unpack the "never enough" trap that keeps high achievers chasing a finish line that keeps moving. Lindsay also shares why she left a stable job for an uncertain one at The New York Times, and why she believes quitting is a muscle you build through practice, not a moment you arrive at with total certainty.

If part one left you rethinking what perseverance actually costs, this episode gives you a way to start putting it into practice.

Chapters(00:00) The Michael Phelps Burnout Pattern
(01:22) Jesse Diggins and Knowing the Limit
(02:48) Rest Was the Same as Decline
(03:40) Getting Athletes to Trust the Data
(04:51) The Batman Scar: Icing an Injury
(09:08) Simone Biles and the Real Spotlight
(13:29) The Never-Enough Trap
(17:00) Wants vs Needs
(19:30) Why She Left a Stable Job at the Times
(23:00) Building the Muscle to Quit
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"Our culture teaches us that quitting is a failure, that we didn't try hard enough. But quitting can be the first step to something better."
Lindsay Crouse

"I think about some of the people I respect a lot. They've quit things, and I've really respected them for how they quit and the reasons why they quit."
JP Nerbun

"You just have to build this muscle around quitting. That's really the only way that we can grow."
Lindsay Crouse

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: What's one situation where you're pushing an athlete, or yourself, toward more, when the data or the body is already telling you it's time to pull back?

Q2: If quitting is a muscle, when's the last time you actually practiced it, on purpose, in something small?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

The Case for Quitting by Lindsay Crouse
A 15 year New York Times veteran makes the research-backed case that stepping back is often the braver, smarter choice than pushing through.
Find the book here

Key Takeaways

• Your Mind Lies About Your Limits, Your Body Doesn't
• Simone Biles Didn't Quit, She Read the Information
• Define "Enough" Before the Season Starts, Not During It
• Separate What You Want From What You Need
• Quitting Gets Easier With Practice, Not Certainty
• The Traits That Made You Good Don't Disappear When You Walk Away

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

"Quit" might be the most forbidden word in sports. Journalist Lindsay Crouse says that's exactly the problem.

Lindsay spent 15 years at The New York Times covering the extremes of human performance before turning the question on herself: what if the constant pushing through wasn't actually working? Her new book, The Case for Quitting, argues that stepping back is often the smarter, braver choice, not the weaker one. Lindsay and JP unpack why our brains default to staying on a path long after it stops serving us, and how Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile only after he stopped training entirely for three days.

This one is for any coach who has ever told an athlete to push through pain that wasn't actually productive, and for any coach who has done the same thing to themselves.

Chapters(00:00) Welcome and Book Origins
(00:43) Why She Wrote The Case for Quitting
(03:53) Where the Need to Persevere Comes From
(07:01) JP's Basketball Story
(12:22) Regret Research and Spotlight Effect
(19:07) Fromm's Having vs Being
(21:29) Is Grit Sometimes a Bad Habit
(26:04) Why Coaches Can't Shut It Down
(27:31) Bannister's Rest Before the Mile Record
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"Quitting is not simply a failure of resolve or an easy way out. Often it's a courageous first step to something better."
Lindsay Crouse

"Our brains prefer not to decide. They prefer to slide, to continue down the path we're already on."
Lindsay Crouse

"My identity wasn't even just a basketball player. My identity was the guy who had this dream."
JP Nerbun

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: Where in your season are you "sliding" instead of deciding, just because it's the path you already know?

Q2: If you set a deadline to reassess one commitment on your team right now, what would that deadline be, and what would make you actually keep it?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

The Case for Quitting by Lindsay Crouse
A 15 year New York Times veteran makes the research-backed case that stepping back is often the braver, smarter choice than pushing through.
Find the book here

Key Takeaways

• Perseverance Is Not the Same Thing as Success
• Staying Is a Decision, Not a Default
• Set a Deadline Before You Start
• We Regret the Roads We Never Tried, Not the Ones We Left
• Rest Isn't the Absence of Discipline, It's a Tool
• You Don't Leave Your Strengths Behind When You Quit Something

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Are your three closest teammates a friend group, or a clique the rest of the roster feels shut out of?

JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson dig into Level 4 leadership this week: the real difference between a clique and a close friend group, why almost no team builds a genuine culture of honest feedback, and Betsy's own story as a Division I captain who left a program midseason.

Whether you are trying to break up an unhealthy clique or support a player through a transfer decision, this conversation will change how you think about what it takes to lead a team.

Chapters(00:00) Intro
(06:10) Cliques vs close friend groups
(09:40) Coaching moves that break up cliques
(13:13) Creating spaces everyone is invited to
(15:11) Why so few players call teammates out
(19:23) The volleyball team feedback workshop
(23:46) Coaching courage into hard talks
(27:44) How to repair after conflict
(31:02) Why players tear themselves down first
(32:40) Learning to give feedback, not reaction
(34:30) Does transferring make you disloyal
(36:00) Betsy's story of quitting a D1 team
(39:55) Why quitting takes more courage to do
(42:35) We judge quitting but not the cost
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.

"We make it out to be this perseverance: drive hard, sit at the end of the bench, put up with a tough coach, and get through it all. We glorify that to an extent that's probably not healthy."
- J.P. Nerbun

"We're really good at judging on the back end, and we're really bad at counting the cost on the front end."
- Nate Sanderson

"The quitting part was about being a good teammate to myself. That was the first time in my life I can remember putting myself before the team."
- Betsy Butterick

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: When was the last time you gave a teammate honest feedback even though it felt uncomfortable? What stopped you the times you didn't?

Q2: If you're in a tight group of friends on this team, are you making sure everyone else always has an open door in, too?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

The Culture Captain by JP Nerbun
This episode draws on the book's final chapter, leading from the bench, and the stories of athletes like Abby Wambach and Tom Brady who led without always starting. Comes with a free field guide.
Visit culturecaptain.net here

Key Takeaways

• A tight friend group isn't automatically a toxic clique
• Every athlete doesn't need to feel close to every teammate, just to someone
• Most teams don't have a culture of feedback, they have one or two truth-tellers
• Give players a script for feedback and it's still excruciating, and that's normal
• We're good at judging quitting after the fact and bad at examining the cost before it
• Quitting can be the most self-respecting decision a captain ever makes

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Most coaches have someone they pour into. Almost none of them have someone who pours back.

In part two with Zach Brandon, JP and Zach go deeper into what it actually takes to develop coaches — not players, coaches — and why that investment may be the most overlooked lever in any program. Zach shares the story that reoriented his entire career: a coach who could not remember his own family moments and discovered he was missing from most of the photos on the wall. The conversation builds into his core coaching framework — Impact = Individual Capabilities x Environment, minus Interference — and why the internal interference is almost always the harder, more important work.

This one is for any coach who suspects they might be their own biggest obstacle, or who has never stopped long enough to ask: who is developing me?

Chapters(00:00) Intro
(05:06) Best Coach Dev at the Diamondbacks
(08:42) Daily Leadership Shares
(10:32) The Catalyst Story
(13:43) The Hardest Conversation
(14:43) Who Pours Into the Coach?
(16:05) Coach Wellbeing and Player Culture
(19:21) What's Wrong in Today's Landscape
(20:07) The Coaching Impact Equation
(26:47) Internal vs. External Interference
(28:04) Can't Read Label from Inside the Jar
(30:15) Connecting with Zach Brandon
TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to this episode's most actionable ideas.

"Expectations are oftentimes funneled one directionally. Agreements are shared — it's like, hey, we're on the same page and we're both giving the green light to what this looks like in action."
— Zach Brandon

"Who pours into you? You're the person that pours into everybody else as a coach or as a leader. And yet, do you have anyone for yourself?"
— Zach Brandon

"You can't read the label from inside the jar."
— Zach Brandon

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: Think about one standard you currently enforce with your team. Did your athletes or staff help create it? If not, what would it look like to move from expectation to shared agreement this week?

Q2: Who pours into you? Name one person in your life who serves as a genuine thought partner for your own growth. If you can't name one, what would it take to find one?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

Winning with Words — newsletter by Zach Brandon
Principles, stories, and mindset shifts to help coaches and leaders win more while living better. Zach also offers a free initial coaching call for anyone exploring what is getting in their way.
Visit zachbrandoncoaching.com

Key Takeaways

• Shared agreements beat handed-down expectations
• The best coach development happens inside time you already have
• Who pours into the coach?
• Coach wellbeing is a player development strategy
• Your impact has an equation: capabilities x environment, minus interference
• You cannot read the label from inside the jar

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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.