Coaching kids is one thing. Coaching your own child can feel like stepping onto a field where every word carries twice the weight. I’ve been thinking about why so many coaches avoid coaching their son or daughter, even when they love the sport, and I’ve come to a simple reframe: the real question isn’t “why is my kid hard to coach?” It’s “what changes in me when the athlete is someone I love?”

I walk through three shifts that quietly sabotage parent coaching. First, we stop seeing the child and start seeing the future, which turns development into pressure and makes kids feel the distance between who they are and who we wish they’d become. Second, our parent identity collides with our coach persona, and kids are incredibly sensitive to that mask. If they sense we’re performing a role instead of showing up as ourselves, resistance is often a response to inconsistency, not stubbornness.

Third, love creates attachment to outcomes. When your child’s success feels personal, it’s easy to react to what a moment means instead of responding to what’s actually happening. Using a Stoic approach, I separate what we can control (effort, habits, behaviors) from what we can’t (results), and I offer a better way to measure success: enjoyment, learning, and the strength of the relationship over time.

If you’ve ever felt torn between being a great coach and being the parent your child trusts, this one’s for you. Subscribe, share it with a coach-parent you know, and leave a review with the biggest lesson you’re taking into your next practice.

Send us Fan Mail

For all your rugby and sports gear needs Check out Silverfern here: https://silverfernsport.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=coaching-culture

Support the show

Subscribe and Share, it makes a massive difference! Appreciation in advance.