Courage and Spice for Coaches: build your Self-belief and Business in under 30mins a week

As we come to the end of 2021, we have almost 150 thousand families in the UK grieving the loss of loved ones from Covid19, about 1 in 4 people are looking to change their job in the next 12 months and divorces and separations have massively increased over this pandemic period.

I know for many of us there is grief, loss and endings in many shapes and forms. It doesn’t seem to matter if endings are ambiguous or even chosen, loss is HARD! So it’s no wonder we resist endings, we just aren’t very good at them.

In this episode I really dive deep into the different types of grief and why every type is valid, I hope you can take comfort in my words as we share in this as a collective.

So what’s this episode really about? 

• Why we find grief, loss and endings so damn HARD! 
• Grief exists on a massive spectrum, it’s not just about the loss of a loved one - all grief is legitimate and I talk about all the different types of grief and why they all matter. 
• The sense of grieving, even when we are not directly impacted (and I talk about my own families loss in this area.)
• I discuss the emotional symptoms that come with grief, including the ones that surprise us. 
• How grief can help us move on with our lives and ultimately make us better people. 
• I go through 5 different ways of doing endings and grieving well from a healthy adult self. 

Why you should listen
Grief, loss and endings are everywhere at the moment and it this episode I’ll talk more about how we can manage these feelings. I really hope this episode helps you feel more supported and less alone. If like me, you’ve had endings that haven’t been acknowledged growing up, this is the episode for you.

Links:
The 5 Stages of Grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges

You can quote me on that:
“Grief is complex; it’s a kaleidoscope of humanity that doesn’t have to involve the other person, it’s doesn’t have to be big or significant. If you loose something that’s important to you, it’s super natural to experience grief.”  - Sas Petherick. 

“There is no one correct way to experience grief, but you can expect that your grief will change and evolve as you do.” - Sas Petherick

“Every transition ends with a new beginning.” William Bridges

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Content note: this episode contains a discussion about dysfunctional relationships with alcohol that may be difficult for folks new to recovery.

Whenever I talk about my sobriety on Instagram I get a tonne of DM’s, so I’m overjoyed to have the wonderful Karen Johnston, champion of self-love, self-care and self-compassion, on the podcast today.

Karen Marie Johnston is an advocate of women who are sober or are in recovery.  She comes from a front-line social worker background who has run award-winning projects, and now, alongside social work, runs The Self Love Hub - an online community along with the most beautiful weekend retreats, (which is totally on my vision board to attend, but always seem to sell out).

So what’s this episode really about? 

• We get to the bottom of the reasons why some of us turn to drink to help us cope with life.
• Why in an increasing difficult world, it’s completely understandable that we choose to use alcohol to numb us out, or escape reality.
• How lockdown felt for as both in sobriety and how it effected people who drink excessively.
• How to spot the signs that becoming sober is right for you, or when you know it might be time to reduce your drinking.
• We ask the important question - are we avoiding our needs and emotions when we drink?

Why you should listen

Most of us aren’t taught how to navigate our feelings in a way that feels ok. We end up trying to avoid or dismiss them, some of us shop or scroll them away, some of us drink. This often creates a cycle of shame where the ways we cope with the underlying feelings, don't feel good.

But it's the reason why we turn to these shadow comforts that are worth our attention, curiosity and compassion. By finding safe spaces to talk about how we are actually doing, we can begin the process of feeling instead of numbing.

Most of us don't know who we will be on the other side of sobriety, or much-reduced drinking - understandably we feel apprehensive, fearful, even dismissive. It might not be something you have ever talked about with anyone but you can trust that soul-level recognition that wants to make a change.

We talk about how amazing sobriety is, that this shared path creates an incredible intimacy with others. 

Links:
Follow Karen on Instagram
The Self-Love Hub

You can quote me on that!
“Being able to feel the full spectrum of your emotions is being alive.” - Sas Petherick

“Our wound is not our fault, but our healing is our responsibility.” - Karen Marie Johnston

“I can access my intuition (now I’m sober), that feels incredible to me.” - Karen Marie Johnston.

Like what you hear?
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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It was love at first sight with this weeks guest, the glorious Pippa Parfait. We met a dozen moons  ago at a posh party in London and we have been firm friends ever since. Pippa has had decades of experience before she retrained as a coach, leading big teams and sorting out big companies. This super resourceful lady now runs Disobedient Business, is a strategy whiz who totally gets systems and tech but is also a coach with a massive heart, who coaches businesses to run things their way. This chat will pretty much be like our co-working chats, we welcome you folks to be a fly on the wall!

So what's this episode really about?

• How comfortable we get with chaos as business owners and why we keep things in our own head.
• We both admit to bouts of toxic productivity and talk about leaning into looking after ourselves more, making time for rest and also being playful with our businesses.
• At what point in your business cycle you know that you are ready for help. (clue: it usually starts with a tech problem)
• How self-doubt comes up when there is too much complexity, when it feels too hard.
• How do I hire someone when I need to get over my perfectionism?
• How we find safety in over functioning.

Why you should listen
If you are the kind of person who has real crunchiness when it come to delegating in your business and to let those people you have delegated too, work in their zone of genius without micro-managing, this is the episode for you!

We also talk about how tech can let you down, you can have all your ducks in a row and things still don’t go to plan, but how we are able to let this go, it’s not the end of the world.

When you work with people rather than having people working for you and the joy that comes with that.

Links
Follow Pippa Parfait on Instagram
Work with Pippa

You can quote me on that!
“When we get really simple and clear about how we work with people, it becomes magnetising.” - Sas Petherick

“If we put all our ducks in a row, what happens then, how do we surrender to that?” - Pippa Parfait

Like what you hear?
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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This episode is about, self-doubt, love, attachment theory and…burgers!

If you're sad at the prospect of being alone forever, terrified of settling for someone you don’t really like anymore, if you are convinced that there is only one true soul mate out there for you, if you are dating complete arses, or Insta stalking your ex, if you feel like the entire model of coupledom forever is just not for you, then grab a cuppa and listen in close, this episode is for you!

So what’s this episode really about? 

• The intersection of self-doubt in love, how many choices we have, why we want what we want and why we often don’t get what we want.
• Why we accept the love we think we deserve (quoting Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
• How we show up in relationships and some ways you can reflect on this.
• The idea of love as we see it in our culture today.

Why you should listen
I take a look at attachment theory and self-doubt: how this can help us understand the beliefs and behaviours of how we connect with other people.

And you've got homework! Three questions to ask yourself about you and your relationship right now that can help you experiment with healthier ways of being in relationships. 

Links
Find your attachment style

Books I recommend:

• Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
• Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern

You can quote me on that…
“Love is hard, it’s one of the most emotionally complex things you will ever do. It’s a full house of psychological risk, so no wonder our self-doubt gets really twitchy.” - Sas Petherick.

“As soon as you raise your standards, as soon as you say I am worthy of being loved because I like myself enough to require that, you will never walk into a McDonalds and ask for a damn Whopper.” - Sas Petherick

Like what you hear?
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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Dr Suzy Darke is a business coach like no other! I see her growing a quiet rebellion, inviting us to challenge the kinds of practices we all take for granted as business owners. Suzy is a coach, a mentor, a writer and she’s also a graduate of the Self-Belief Coaching Academy! Having spent six months in her company I’ve found her to be deeply empathic, she has an enormous heart, but she also has a really big impact. I’m sure you will really enjoy our conversation.

So what’s this episode really about?
Starting your own business is such a huge personal development journey, you don’t have to be louder, more extrovert, tougher. You are your own start line and you get to start from that space. Starting from a place of safety is so important.

• The push-pull between the ethics of marketing yourself with integrity and how does this fit with us as human beings.
• You don’t have to fit the mould of “girl boss” to get on in business and there’s never really a secret formula that works. You have to decide what is right for you.
• The steps you need to come back to your own heart and start to have some belief in yourself and your business.
• What you should stop doing - to make positive change in your life and business. (clue: this is all about comparison!)

Why you should listen:

Being more compassionate to yourself does not mean that you get less done. Trying not to judge ourselves for the mistakes we make, especially for the things we do not know yet. For some of us, self-compassion needs to be a daily practice!

Links:

Self Compassion by Kristin Neff

Google Project Aristotle

Follow Suzy on Instagram

Write better sales pages/Suzy Darke website

You can quote me on that!

“It’s not till we start showing ourselves compassion that we actually start to feel filled up.” - Sas Petherick.

“Never in my life have I been asked to show up as the true authentic me, never in the workplace where it’s about towing the line, at school it’s about being good, whatever that means! When do we get to be our whole selves?” - Suzy Darke.

Like what you hear?

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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It’s my birthday week - I'm 48 - and I thought I’d share five big birthday thoughts for you.
 
This episode is a bit sweary so one for your earphones if you have little ones around.

So what's this episode really about?

• Life is RIDICULOUS - and we are constantly making this up.
• We are in this super interesting time of trying to identify ourselves - all of us yelling at each other: THIS IS ME. THIS IS NOT ME. 
• Each of us is a miracle – I take a deep dive into why this is, including the fact that the odds any of us exist at all is so infinitesimally small as to be miraculous.
• BECOMING looks different to all of us. And we can have many lives (for me this includes the life when I’m a mother of five living in Wales, a pagan lesbian living at Salmon Creek Farm in California, or a lonely violin playing heiress living in the Barbican!).
• Why I feel like we are living in the apocalypse. And all is well.

Why you should listen

It’s fun to step back and take an eagle-eyed view of life! This can also be super helpful for our self-doubt if it gets tangled up in the minutiae of daily life.

Links:

Alan Watts video
The odds of you existing at all.

You can quote me on that!

“Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.” – Alan Watts

“If you are resilient, let yourself fall apart. If you are controlling, practice surrender. If you are a perfectionist, be as imperfect as you can. If you are a dreamy unfinished-get something done. If you are locked in regret, forgive yourself. If you feel like you are constantly seeking the answer, practice tuning into your own intuitive responses. If you are super attached to your identities, play with alternative fantasy realities.” – Sas Petherick

Like what you hear?

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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Hello folks if you aren’t following Keri Jarvis on Instagram then what are you even doing here?! Keri is an audacious feminist, a socialist, a speaker and leader of courses and business masterminds and a self belief coach. But more importantly, she a coach who is hear to answer, ‘who do you think you are?’

We have just spent the last six months together in the Self Belief Business Academy and Keri is infectious in the best way, I just know you are going to love our conversation!

So what is this episode really about?

• The feminist awakening that happens when you become a mother.
• How women that don’t become mothers embark on that feminist journey.
• Looking at 90’s music and Gen.X movies with a feminist lens and what comes up with that!
• Moving away from self care mode into community care and how helping others without being paid is a middle finger to capitalism.
• What to do with your anger now you're no longer a teenager.

Why you should listen:

When you care for your community and when you show up for others who have a more marginalised identity than you, but even if they don’t, its helps those people but it ultimately helps you too.

Links:

The Descent of Man - Grayson Perry

What White People Can Do Next: From Allyship to Coalition - Emma Dabiri

You can quote me on that!

“ The way that patriarchy, capitalism and white supremacy work is that it doesn’t work for men either.” - Sas Petherick

“ Taking time away from paid productivity to doing nice things for other people, is in itself a finger to capitalism.” Keri Jarvis

Like what you hear?

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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Perfectionism is a protective belief that if you were perfect you will be safe. That's the bottom line. It can be any area of your life. It is also one of the most subtle and sophisticated forms of self-doubt. In this episode, we are going to talk about what perfectionism actually is in relation to self-doubt, but also a little bit about how this shows up for you, particularly in that protective self-doubt, the way we try to keep ourselves safe and hold ourselves back. I’m also going to talk about what it means to let go of perfectionism, kinda juicy don’t you think?

So what’s this episode really about? 

• What are these sneaky protective perfectionist beliefs and how do you know you have them? 
• How staying in possibility protects us from success. 
• The cycle feeds the self-doubt stories we tell ourselves. 
• How perfectionism shows up in four different forms of protection. 

Why you should listen
This episode is especially for those who identify with being a perfectionist, but it’s also for those of you who seem pretty ok with your perfectionist tendencies! And if you are a fellow practitioner – I invite you to noodle on what it means to you to be ‘a good coach’ and just see what pops up that might be related to perfectionism – about who you have to be, what you are not allowed to feel, what is required of you on social media, from clients, how much income you should be making, the qualifications and training you need.

Links
The four distinct types of Protector

You can quote me on that!

“Self-doubt is all or nothing. This or that. Always or never. No one or everyone. It's absolute.” - Sas Petherick.

"Perfectionism makes it impossible to appreciate what you have right now. Who you are right now. What you are capable of right now.” - Sas Petherick.

Like what you hear? 
Why not help me reach more ears (and give my self-belief a boost) with a 5-star rating?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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In this episode, I'm talking with Ellie Swift, Marketing and Mindset coach, who is also my business coach. We've been working together for almost a year and in that time my business has completely changed. I was really ready for things to shift when we started working together and I would never have believed it would look the way it does today!

Ellie is a triple threat of strategy, marketing and mindset, all wrapped up in the perkiest form a human can have, I'm sure you will love her as much as I do!

So what's this episode really about? 

• There is no formula or secret to business, don't chase the secret, it's a waste of time!
• Implement a strategy, focus on your marketing, honour your mindset - that is the key to running a successful business. 
• Taking the driving seat as the CEO - owning what you do and how you do it as a business owner. 

Why you should listen.
Letting go of what you think you should be doing in your business, what was expected of you growing up and instead go with what your heart and gut tell you - then making things happen from that place.

Links:
Follow Ellie on Instagram

You can quote me on that:
"I wish women understood just how powerful they are when they connect back to themselves and their self-belief." - Ellie Swift

"There has to be value in what you do, people need to want to walk with you. We get so used to 'polishing the turd' we forget what is the unique reason and way we are doing this thing." - Sas Petherick.

Like what you hear?
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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Welcome back! If you enjoy a bit of ‘behind the scenes’ details, I’m sharing what we’ve been up to over the Summer: a brand new website, a bespoke learning platform, sorting out our back-end systems, new team members – its been a fun time.

I share the three key questions I’ve been asking to help guide our approach to shorter and more focused work weeks. 

Plus: if you are looking for some simple ways to get momentum for the new school terms, this episode is a must listen. I’m sharing three tiny ways to begin to change how you approach your day: at home, at work and in your business.

Summer Reading List:

All Families are Psychotic, Douglas Coupland

Assembly, Natasha Brown

Atomic Habits, James Clear

Black Rabbit Hall, Eve Chase

Circus of Wonders, Elizabeth Macneal

Daisy Jones and the Six, Taylor Jenkins Reid

Full Automated Luxury Communism, Aaron Bastani

Great Circle, Maggie Shipstead

Greenwood, Michael Christie

Light Perpetual, Francis Spufford

Luckenbooth, Jenni Fagan

Malibu Rising, Taylor Jenkins Reid 

Miss Benson’s Beetle, Rachel Joyce

Noone is talking about this, Patricia Lockwood

The House on Fripp Island

The Lamplighters, Emma Stonex

The Lucky Escape, Laura Jane Williams

The Weekend, Charlotte Wood

Threadneedle, Cari Thomas

Podcasts:

Comfort Eating, Grace Dent

Ezra Klien Podcast

Pump up your Pod, Bamby Media

Smartless, Jason Bateman, Will Arnett and Shaun Hayes

Tell me something true, Laura McKowen

Tele!

Britannia

Never Have I Ever

Nine Perfect Strangers

Mare of Easttown

Ted Lasso

White Lotus

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

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👋🏼 If you've enjoyed Courage & Spice, please leave a review, subscribe on your favourite app, or share this episode with another coach. Sending all good things to you xx