Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Question: My wife and I adopted a newborn baby almost 3 years ago and we could not be happier. Now that he is getting a little older, he is talking and starting to understand things. My question is how can we best normalize his adoption with him? I know it is better for kids to grow up with everyone being open with him and his adoption so it feels like now is a good time to start.  But I am not sure how to that with an almost 3-year-old.  For context, we do not have any contact with the birth family. We send updates and pictures to the agency, but they have not expressed interest in having contact with us. This always seemed like an avenue to start that conversation (you have a birth family and an adoptive family). Without that, I’m not sure how to start talking to him about adoption.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Resources:

• Talking about Adoption, Part 1: Talking with 0-5 Year Olds (Article)
• Talking with Kids about Adoption (Resource page)
• Talking with Kids about Birth Parents (Suggested Books for Young Kids)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

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Many prospective adoptive families feel anxious about the home study. Our guest, Sheila Kowit, is an adoption social worker with Adoptions From the Heart. She prepares home studies for both domestic infant and international adoptions. She explains what the process is like, what you can expect, and what you will learn in the home study process.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What is an adoption home study?
  • Is it possible to get one home study that can be used with all types of adoptions: domestic infant, foster care, and international adoption?
• What is the purpose of the adoption home study?
• At what point in the adoption process is the home study usually done in domestic infant adoption?
  • In international adoption?
• How long does it take to complete an adoption home study in domestic infant adoption?
  • In international adoption
• How much does an adoption home study cost for domestic infant adoption?
  • For international adoption
• What information can the prospective adoptive parents expect to compile for a domestic infant adoption home study? How does this differ for international adoption?
  • Medical history
  • Statements of income and assets
  • Autobiographical statements
  • References
• What, if any, are the physical health concerns:
  • For international adoption, consult our Adoption Comparison Charts 
  • Do you have to have a current physical?
  • What to do about getting a medical physical if you don’t have a regular primary doctor. Can you go to Urgent Care clinics or Minute Clinics for an adoption physical?
• Can you do domestic infant adoption if you or your partner/spouse has a mental health diagnosis? What about international adoption?
  • For international adoption, consult our Adoption Comparison Charts 
• Criminal background concerns for domestic infant adoption? For international adoption?
  • DUIs, misdemeanors, expunged records?
  • It is important to be honest and share it all with your social worker.
• What gets included in the financial portion of the home study for domestic infant adoption? For international adoption?
  • Income, liabilities, and assets assessment
  • Documentation necessary
  • Check country listings at our Adoption Comparison Charts or USCIS Intercountry Adoption Information 
• Writing your personal history for a domestic infant? And for international?

See more on CreatingaFamily.org.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

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Question: My husband and I had a swift match and placement in December. When we were presented with the case, all that was reported for drug use was smoking 12 cigarettes a day. After about a month of trying to get medical records from the hospital for my pediatrician, I discovered my baby’s meconium tested positive for meth. This lab test resulted on Monday, and we were released from the hospital the Friday before, so no one told us about this result. The agency got me the medical records and didn’t mention them when sending them to me. I was also told the birth mom had prenatal care when the medical records say spotty prenatal care.     I was shocked when I came across the lab results. We met both of my son’s birth parents a couple of times while in the hospital and had good visits. My husband is usually very good at identifying people on drugs, but he didn’t suspect anything was amiss. We met our son’s siblings, and they all seemed well cared for. My son also did not appear to go through withdrawals. He was never in the NICU and was released from the hospital 2 days after birth. He was of a healthy weight and had excellent Apgar scores. I know I would have passed on this case if I knew meth was involved and so in a way this is a blessing because I love my son and am so glad we were selected to parent him, but I feel some trust has broken between us and his birth parents. I text them weekly with photos and small updates, but I can’t help but feel a little resentful (to both the birth parents and the agency). How do you suggest I deal with this situation? 

Resources:

• Raising a Child with Prenatal Substance Exposure (Resource page)
• Evaluating Risk Factors in Adoption (Resource page)
• Creating a Family Online Support Group

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you raising a mixed-race child? Join our conversation with Nicole Doyley, a biracial woman raising biracial kids, and the author of What About the Children: 5 Values for Multiracial Families.

• Terminology: what is preferred-biracial, mixed race, multi-racial, mixed?
• Biracial includes Black/White, Black/Asian, White/Asian, Hispanic/Black, Indigenous/Black/Hispanic. In this interview, we are talking about mixed-race, but families can also be mixed culturally.
• Is it true that mixed-race is the fastest-growing group in the US?
• Issues facing biracial people in the US. Based on personal experience as well as a 2020 Vox Survey of Mixed Americans.
  • No man’s land of racelessness
  • Having to always answer the question “What are you?”
  • Not fully accepted by either race
  • Wanting to ditch one race so as to be fully the other race
  • Feeling isolated
  • Confused identity
  • Rejecting the idea of having to fit into just one box 
• As a child, you didn’t like the ambiguity that biracial brought to your life. You say you felt a “two-ness”. But you came to view being of mixed race as a blessing rather than a curse. Why, as a child did it feel uncomfortable to you and how did you grow to accept it?
• Do you think a mixed-race adopted or foster child being raised by parents of a different race from them but the same shared race with each other will face different challenges? 
• In the past, it was common to tell adoptive/foster/grandparents that the world was going to treat their child as Black (or another race), so you should focus your efforts on raising a Black child and not emphasize their other race. People in the US see race first. How should parents handle it?
• Does it matter if the child’s dominant features make her look like she fits more squarely in one race?
• 5 values for raising a biracial child:
  • Awareness
  • Humility
  • Diversity
  • Honesty
  • Exploration
• Benefits/advantages to being mixed-race:
  • Can function in both majority and minority environments
• Tips for Raising a Mixed-Race Child

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: For three months now, we’ve been fostering our 17-year-old son, with the intention of adopting. My question is regarding attachment. How can you tell if the child is setting up boundaries or testing you to see how hard you’ll pursue/run after them?

Resources:

• Creating and Cultivating Attachment (Resource page)
• Helping a Child Heal from Trauma (Resource page)
• Transitioning a Child to Your Home (Resource page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you a professional working with kinship caregivers? You need to listen to this interview with Dr. Tyreasa Washington, is a nationally and internationally recognized scholar specializing in kinship care families (e.g., grandparents raising grandchildren). She is a Distinguished Senior Scholar for Child Welfare at Child Trends, the leading research organization in the United States focused solely on improving the lives of children, youth, and families.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Advantages of keeping children with extended family when their parents are not able to raise them.
• How do kids who are raised temporarily or permanently by relatives fare compared to kids placed with unknown foster parents?
• One of the biggest questions we receive from professionals is how to engage kinship caregivers. They tell us that they set up programs to support kinship caregivers, but few show up. This seems universal. Why does this happen?
• We also hear about institutional trauma-(law enforcement struggles/foster care system struggles- leads to lack of trust--not feeling safe in their community, not trusting DSS.) How does this impact kinship caregivers? How does it impact those of us trying to serve them?
• What types of support are the most helpful?
• What are some cultural differences you've observed in Black relatives raising children within the family, and how do these differences impact how professionals interact with kin raising children?
• What have you found in your research on the impact of caregiving on the health of kinship caregivers?
• Need for training for kinship caregivers.
• How can professionals support self-care with folks who are so busy just getting by?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: How can prospective parents manage their thoughts and emotions while waiting to be matched with a child (especially in cases where the waiting period is a long one)?

Resources:

• Suggested Books for Adoption
• Coping Mechanisms for the Waiting (Article)
• Creating a Family Online Support Group

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering adopting from foster care or becoming a foster parent? Join us to discuss this topic with Dr. Lindsay Terrell, a pediatrician and Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Duke University Medical Center, as well as the Clinical Director of their Foster Care Clinic. She and her husband are licensed foster parents.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The common risk factors that foster parents and those wanting to adopt from foster care need to be aware of include physical, emotional, developmental, educational, and behavioral problems rooted in childhood adversity and trauma. 
• What types of trauma are foster kids exposed to? 
• What percentage of children in foster care have been exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally? Creating a Family’s Prenatal Substance Exposure Workshop for Parents
• Impact of trauma on physical health.
  • Foster parents and caseworkers often have little information about prior health history.
• Other common physical health issues that are common in kids in foster care that are not necessarily connected to trauma.
• Impact of trauma on mental health.
  • Those areas of the brain most affected by trauma, especially early trauma, are those involved in stress response, emotional regulation, attention, cognition, executive function, and memory. 
  • What types of behaviors are common as a result of trauma?
• Medication and over-medication of foster children and youth.
  • Research has found that the average number of psychiatric diagnoses and psychotropic medications prescribed were significantly greater for youth and children in foster care.
  • Children in foster care are likely to be kept on them longer than other Medicaid-enrolled children who are not in foster care.
  • What are psychotropic drugs, and why are they so often prescribed for children in foster care?
• Who has the authority to make healthcare decisions for foster children and youth?
• Sleep issues common to children in foster care.
• Food issues common to children in foster care. 
• Impact of trauma on a foster child’s education.
  • Children in foster care need educational advocates.
• Risk factors to consider for children already in the home. 
• Children can heal, and foster parents can make a difference!

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: On the 2025 Adoption Tax Credit Episode, it was mentioned that they thought this would possibly be the year it becomes refundable. Does that only apply to finalizations in 2025, or will it make previous adoptions (if within the 5-year tax credit range) refundable too? For example, an adoption finalized in 2023 but we haven’t used all of the tax credit available. Does the remaining amount become refundable, too? ~Oklahoma City, OK

Resources:

• Understanding the Adoption Tax Credit
• AdoptionTaxCredit.org
• Josh Kroll, Families Rising ([email protected])

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering fostering but are concerned about how it impacts the kids already living in your home? Join us for a conversation with Michelle Snyder, a foster, adoptive, and bio mom, and her son, Ben, to hear their stories of fostering and how it impacted their family. They are co-authors of Beyond Blood: How Being a Foster Brother Shattered My World and Rebuilt It.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Ben - How old were you when your parents sat you down to talk about fostering?
  • Do you remember how it felt to consider that a child could not safely live with his or her family?
  • What do you remember about the time when your family was preparing, taking classes, getting licensed, etc.?
• Michelle - When you and your husband felt the desire to begin fostering, what were your biggest concerns?
  • What considerations about fostering gave you pause, considering you had two young kids already in your home?
  • How did you and your husband handle those concerns or issues?
• Ben - Can you briefly share the story of your family’s first placement? We’d love to also hear how you think it impacted you and what you took from that experience for the coming placements. 
• Ben - What are some of the benefits or advantages you have seen in your development to young adulthood that you can directly trace to being part of this fostering and adoption journey?
• Character traits your family developed as you faced those challenges. Can you share a short example for a couple of them?
  • Compassion 
  • Perseverance
  • Ability to Adapt/Change
  • Perspective
• Ben’s diagnoses (“twice exceptional”):
  • What did you learn about yourself in that process?
  • How do you feel your unique combination of diagnoses equipped you well for being a foster brother? 
• Saying no to a placement
  • Learning how to say no when you know it’s not the right time or circumstance to say yes to a foster placement? How did you develop that skill?
  • Ben, what did you learn from your parents over the years about the value of knowing when to say yes, and when it’s okay to say no?
• The value of respite for your family and offering it to other foster families
• What practical tips can families implement to prepare for a new placement of a foster, newly adopted, or relative child in their home?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building