Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Are you looking for practical strategies to help your kids face the challenges of a scary world? Join us for a conversation with Melinda Wenner Moyer. She is an author, contributing editor at Scientific American, a regular contributor to The New York Times, and a former faculty member at New York University’s Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. Her new book is titled Hello, Cruel World: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times.

In this episode we discuss:

Why is raising kids in today’s world is so challenging and potentially terrifying for parents.

What are the fears kids are feeling in today’s culture?

What are some of the clues parents and caregivers should look for to tell us our kids might be struggling with fear or anxiety?

How does a parent or caregiver’s fear impact our ability to raise our kids in what feels like a terrifying world?

How do we balance protecting our kids from the world with equipping them to handle the hard things about today’s world?

• When and how do we start “lifting the shield”?

The book’s framework for raising kids in these challenging times includes these three pillars: coping mechanisms, connection techniques, and cultivation practices.

• Coping Mechanisms
  • How to manage anxiety and fear.
  • Self-regulation
  • Emotional literacy
  • Examples of coping strategies for one or two ages
• Connection Techniques
  • Parent-child attachment as a protective factor
  • Importance of being emotionally available and validating
  • Routines, rituals, and conversations that build trust
  • Examples of fun and playful connection techniques
• Cultivation Practices
  • How to practice optimism, gratitude, curiosity, and moral reasoning
  • Encouraging healthy risk-taking and autonomy
  • Examples for how we parents can model ethical and resilient behavior

What additional or special considerations for those of us raising kids impacted by trauma? How can we adapt some of these strategies?

Examples of how a parent’s approach should evolve as their child grows in age or ability by age/stage:

• Infants & Toddlers (0–3)
• Preschool (3–5)
• Elementary (6–11)
• Tweens & Teens (12–18)

Resources for Parents & Caregivers:

• Practical Tips to Help Your Kids Manage Stress
• Practical Ideas to Boost Your Child’s Social-Emotional Learning

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My 15-year-old foster daughter, “Anna”, is scheduled to move back in with her mom at the end of the school year. She is currently on my phone plan. I also pay for her access to Spotify, Netflix, and Hulu. Should I ask her mother now how she wants to transition Anna onto her phone plan? Do you recommend continuing to pay for a 3-6 month period until the mother figures it out? Should I just keep her on my account for Spotify, Netflix, and Hulu as long as it doesn't cost me anything extra? She also has some of her own furniture that doesn't fit in my car. Should Anna's mother be responsible for getting those pieces to their home? She is going to live almost 3 hours away. 

Resources:

• Working with Birth Parent's for the Child's Best Interest
• Working as Part of the Foster Care Team
• Former Foster Care Youth Voices

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering international adoption? If so, this interview will help you decide which special needs are a good fit for your family. We'll talk with Dr. Dana Johnson, MD, PhD. He is a Professor of Pediatrics in the Division of Neonatology at the University of Minnesota Medical School. Dr. Johnson founded the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Minnesota. He is a dad and granddad by birth and adoption.

In this episode, we discuss:

• International adoption has become overwhelmingly a special needs adoption program from all countries. Prospective adoptive parents are required to fill out a form stating what special needs they will accept.
• Most common special needs. What are they and how involved is the post-adoption care? 
  • Cerebral Palsy
  • Heart issues
  • Craniofacial
    • Cleft lip/palate
  • Developmental Special Needs
    • Autism
    • Down syndrome
    • Developmental Delays
  • Hepatitis B and C
  • HIV
  • Orthopedic special needs
    • Clubfoot
    • Limb or digit deficiencies
  • Albinism
  • Hearing loss
  • Vision Loss
  • Urogenital
    • Kidney abnormalities
    • Urethra issues
    • Bladder issues
    • Imperforate anus
    • Ambiguous genitalia
  • Emotional/Trauma
  • Older kids
  • Sexual Abuse
  • Prenatal Exposure
• How can adoptive parents support and advocate for children discriminated against due to physical, cognitive, and other disabilities?
• What type of special needs do you see from the major placing countries?
  • India
  • Colombia
  • Bulgaria
  • Ukraine
  • South Korea
  • Haiti
  • African countries

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: A listener wrote in asking about encopresis and enuresis. These tips are for handling bedwetting or soiling accidents once your child is successfully potty trained.

Resources:

• Bedwetting and Related Toileting Issues (Article)
• Helping Children Heal from Trauma
• Sleep Issues

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How do you define self-care? Are you establishing a routine of self-care that supports you to meet your kid's needs? Nicole Barlow joins the podcast to discuss how we think about self-care, why it's crucial, and how to create rhythms of self-care in our homes. She is a certified wellness coach, TBRI® Practitioner, and parent trainer for foster and adoptive parents.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Re-define self-care
• Why is self-care crucial for parents and caregivers?
• Why do so many of us resist or neglect self-care?
• What are some of the benefits of a well-rounded approach to self-care that might move the needle for someone who says, “I’m too busy…” or “Self-care is selfish, etc.”
• What are some of the indicators we might identify in our lives that say we should focus on our wellbeing more intently? 
• Framing a holistic approach to self-care:
  • Physical wellness
    • Emotional & Mental wellness
• Spiritual wellness
• Where does one start if we’ve never established regular self-care routines?
• How can we build from that starting place into overall rhythms of self-care?
• Where do practices like meal planning, budgeting, and home management fit into the picture?
• What about socialization, building a support network, engaging in respite, etc.?
• What do you recommend to parents and caregivers who look up one day and find themselves isolated or without a solid support network? 
• Where do they start building or re-building that for themselves? 
• Practical advice to start and maintain a self-care routine
  • Walk every day
    • Boost the benefit by walking with a friend
    • Boost the benefit by engaging in quiet time, self-reflection, prayer, etc.
  • Engage in strength training
    • Building muscle aids the body in processing stress
  • Eat whole foods
    • Nourishing your body aids in regulating and processing stress

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: Today's question is about black parents adopting a white child. This was a question we received from a survey we sent out to issues that our audience wished that we would address.

Resources:

• Raising a Child Through a Transracial Adoption
• Transracial Adoption Twist: Black Parents Adopting White Kids
• Black Families Adopting White Children

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How can we get people of faith more involved in helping vulnerable kids and families and supporting foster and kinship families? Join our discussion with Jason Johnson and Shmuly Yanklowitz. Pastor Johnson is with The Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO) and is both a foster and adoptive dad.  Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz is the Founder & President of YATOM: The Jewish Foster & Adoption Network. Rabbi Yanklowitz has twice been named one of America’s Top Rabbis by Newsweek and is a foster dad.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How can churches, synagogues, mosques, and other faith communities step forward to help families?
• What are the different ways people of faith can help?
• How do we get the rabbis, ministers, and leaders on board?
• Better for the church or synagogue
• What are the biggest obstacles you see for leadership to want to embrace this ministry or program?
• How to get people involved?
• What are the biggest obstacles for people wanting to get involved?
• How can places of faith circle around grandparents and other relatives caring for children?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I want to know how I can help my child/foster, or adoptee with issues that arise out of the blue. There are things that happen that you’re not aware of, and it just shocks you and throws you off. As an adult, it’s hard to know how to handle some of these things because you can make it worse for the child. Sometimes I feel like I need a therapist to help me navigate being a foster parent.

Resources:

• Creating a Family Online Support Group
• Helping a Child Heal from Trauma
• Therapy Resources

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Join us to discuss how adoption looks and feels from all sides of the adoption triad. Our guests will be the authors Sara Easterly, Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and Lori Holden of their book, Adoption Unfiltered.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Adoptee Perspective:
  • 23 adoptees contributed to this section of the book. 
  • What are some of the issues adoptees may face?
  • Compliance and people-pleasing
  • Fantasy Attachments
  • Shame
  • Interracial Adoptees
  • The Danger in the Rescue Narrative
  • Role of religionin adoption for adoptees, birth mothers/expectant mothers, and adoptive parents
• Birth Mother:
  • Before birth mothers get the chance to ask for help, they ask for mercy.
  • Advertisements and search algorithms when searching for adoption information
  • Lack of neutral support
  • Lack of post-placement support—lingering trauma and grief—It’s a different type of grief and trauma.
• Adoptive Parent:
  • Insecurity—who’s the real parent
• Adoption Unfiltered Online

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My wife and I adopted a newborn baby almost 3 years ago and we could not be happier. Now that he is getting a little older, he is talking and starting to understand things. My question is how can we best normalize his adoption with him? I know it is better for kids to grow up with everyone being open with him and his adoption so it feels like now is a good time to start.  But I am not sure how to that with an almost 3-year-old.  For context, we do not have any contact with the birth family. We send updates and pictures to the agency, but they have not expressed interest in having contact with us. This always seemed like an avenue to start that conversation (you have a birth family and an adoptive family). Without that, I’m not sure how to start talking to him about adoption.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Resources:

• Talking about Adoption, Part 1: Talking with 0-5 Year Olds (Article)
• Talking with Kids about Adoption (Resource page)
• Talking with Kids about Birth Parents (Suggested Books for Young Kids)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building