Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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How do some kids survive a life of poverty, homelessness, abuse, and foster care and eventually thrive? We talk about courage & resilience with David Ambroz who is a national poverty and child welfare expert and advocate and the author of the memoir, A Place Called Home. He was recognized by President Obama as an American Champion of Change. Currently serving as the Head of Community Engagement (West) for Amazon, Ambroz previously led Corporate Social Responsibility for Walt Disney Television, and has served as president of the Los Angeles City Planning Commission as well as a California Child Welfare Council member. After growing up homeless and then in foster care, he graduated from Vassar College and later earned his J.D. from UCLA School of Law. He is a foster dad and lives in Los Angeles, CA.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Poverty and Homelessness:
  • His story.
  • School
  • What made a difference?
  • What should adults who encounter or work with homeless children/youth know?
• Foster Care:
  • His story.
  • Youth who identify as LGBTQ+ are overrepresented in foster care (Human Rights Campaign, 2015). While approximately 5 percent of the general population is estimated to be LGBTQ+, studies estimate that about 30 percent of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ+. Why are these young people over represented in child welfare? LGBTQ+ youth are 1.5 -2 times more likely to have a foster placement failure.
  • What would you want foster parents to know?
• What made the difference in your eventually succeeding? (Going to Vassar and UCLA Law School.)
• The lack of available treatments for mental illness.
• Why did you become a foster parent?
• Why did you title the book “A Place Called Home?”

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: This was a question from someone in South Dakota. She says, "I haven't listened to all your back episodes, but can you address ICWA, the Indian Child Welfare Act, as it pertains to adoption? I live in a state where the majority of children in foster care are Native Americans, and ICWA, the Indian Child Welfare Act, is confusing and divisive. At the end of the day, I just want the children I care for to be safe. I understand the reason for the law, but I hate when the comments on an ICWA story about adoption accuse foster care providers of kidnapping.

Resources:

• Indian Child Welfare Law Center - ICWLC.org
• Child Welfare Information Gateway - Info on ICWA

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering adopting a baby? To understand what is involved legally, listen to this podcast with James Fletcher Thompson, a South Carolina attorney with extensive experience in adoption. 

In this episode, we discuss:

1. What are some of the differences in domestic infant adoption? 
   1. Agency and independent (direct placement) adoptions.
   2. Relative adoptions. (grandparents, aunt/uncles, step-parent).
   3. Infants or young children adopted from foster care.
   4. In-state and interstate adoptions.
   5. Adoptions governed by the federal Indian Child Welfare Act.
2. Adoption is governed by state law
   1. Do the adoptive parents have to comply with the laws of the state where the expectant parent resides, where the baby is born, or where they reside?
   2. How do federal laws affect adoption?
   3. How does the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children affect adoption?
3. What are some of the reasons parents make an adoption plan for their child?
4. Some of the legal issues in adoption from the birth parents' perspective.
   1. Voluntary vs involuntary relinquishment or termination of parental rights
   2. When can an expectant mother voluntarily relinquish her parental rights?
   3. When can an expectant father voluntarily relinquish his parental rights?
   4. Do the expectant parents have to have their own legal representations?
   5. What if the expectant parent is a minor?
   6. How long after they sign the papers do the birth parents have to change their mind?
   7. Do they have to have a reason to change their mind?
   8. What happens if the expectant mom cannot or will not identify the baby's father?
   9. Is counseling important?
5. Some of the legal issues in adoption from the adoptive parents' perspective.
   1. The home study/background check requirement.
   2. Can work with an adoption agency or an adoption attorney.
   3. What is the process if the agency/attorney finds the expectant parent who is considering placing her baby for adoption?
   4. What is the process if the prospective adoptive parent finds the expectant parent?
   5. Can adoptive parents “advertise” to find expectant mothers who are considering placing their baby for adoption?
   6. What is a legal risk adoption?
   7. What rights do the adoptive parents have before the expectant parents relinquish their rights?
   8. What are some factors that affect the cost of adoption?
      1. In-state vs. interstate
      2. Expectant mother support
      3. Expectant father identification and cooperation.
      4. Indian Child Welfare Act
      5. Biological father in active military service
6. Pre-Birth/Pre-Placement Process
   1. May be able to meet in person to get to know one another.
   2. How much information is exchanged about both the expectant parents and adoptive parents? Medical history, finances, etc.
   3. How can adoptive parents know if they are being given all the information-full disclosure?
   4. How can expectant parents know if they are being given all the information?
7. What is meant by "Open Adoption"?
   1. Is open adoption legally enforceable?
8. Post-Birth Process
   1. When is the adoption usually finalized?
   2. Who makes medical decisions for the newborn before finalization?
   3. Do both birth parents and adoptive parents appear in court for the adoption finalization?
   4. How is changing the birth certificate handled?
   5. How can adoptive parents get a copy of the original birth certificate for their child?
   6. How do adoptive parents get a social security number for their adopted child?
   7. Do adoptive parents need to have any specific legal paperwork to prove that they can make medical decisions for the child?
   8. What is the role of Medicaid?
   9. Can the child be placed on the adopting parent’s

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My husband and I have two adopted twin boys who are 8 months old, and we've had them since birth. We've been on the fence for years about a big move outside of the country, but we're currently leaning towards leaving. My husband and, by extension, our kids have dual nationality with the country we'd go to. Thankfully, I'm also allowed to tag along.

We currently live near a large family and support network from both sides of the family and would be mostly on our own except for a few distant relatives after the move. We are also close and in frequent contact with our sons' birth family, but they don't live near us so that relationship has always been planned to be a mostly long-distance relationship.

We would plan on setting aside funds just for visiting our family and our birth family every one or two years, but ultimately all our children's family relationships will become long-distance. We worry about the move exacerbating feelings of abandonment or isolation from all sides of their family as they'd not only be raised in another culture but another language and continent. We all come from similar cultural backgrounds, so we aren't too worried about being able to keep them in touch with their birth culture. But we want to be sensitive to their particular needs as to how this could affect them as adoptees.

Is there any research on how adoptees are affected by being adopted into larger vs smaller families? Or adoptees who move abroad or are adopted into immigrant families? Or is there some advice to be gleaned from families adopting internationally that would apply to our situation?

Our children are our highest priority, and we want to set them up for success whether or not we move.

Resources:

• Open Adoption (Resource)
• Self-Care for Parents & Caregivers (Resource)
• Creating a Family Online Support Group (Facebook)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering adopting a child over the age of 5? Join our discussion with Dr. Stephanie Bosco-Ruggiero. She has a PhD in Social Work from Fordham University and is co-author of the book Adopting Older Children: A Practical Guide to Adopting and Parenting Children Over Age Four.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The greatest need in both foster care adoption and international adoption is to adopt kids 5 and older.  
• Adolescents have a bad reputation in general in our society and those in foster care or international child welfare institutions have an even worse reputation. 
• These kids and youth may have challenging behaviors that will be hard to parent. (They also may not have challenging behaviors.)
  • Why have they developed these behaviors? (grief and loss, trauma, mental health)
  • What are some typical behaviors that are more difficult for parents?
• Tips for creating trust and attachment with older children. 
• How to prevent these behaviors from influencing other kids in the family?     
• Special issues specific to older kids adopted internationally.
  • Lack of ability to communicate. 
  • Cultural differences. 
• Safety concerns, especially if there are younger children in the family. 
  • Sexually acting out. 
  • Physical abuse.
• Sibling relationships when adopting an older child.
• Contact with bio family members and former foster parents
• Trying to establish rules with teens/tweens who have had too much freedom. 
• Helping kids academically. 
  • Neuropsychological evaluations, IEPs,
• Support for adoptive families

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My father-in-law was just diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a maximum of 6 months left to live. We learned this right before our home study for older child/foster care adoption was finalized. Do you have any advice for what we should do with our adoption process moving forward? I am worried if we match before my husband is done grieving, we could add additional trauma to the child, but there is no set timeline for grieving. How do we deal with our loss while helping a child get through their loss?

Resources:

• Creating a Family Online Support Group (Facebook)
• Transitioning a Child to Your Home (Resource Page)
• Helping a Child Heal from Trauma (Resource Page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering adopting or fostering a child with Down Syndrome? Join our conversation with Dr. Sara Williams, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center. She provides developmental evaluations and follow-up care for children with a variety of neurodevelopmental disabilities, including in the Thomas Center for Down Syndrome.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What is Down syndrome?
• How common is it?
• What are the different types of Down syndrome? Is genetic testing routinely done when Down syndrome is suspected?
• What are some of the common physical traits of a person with Down syndrome? 
• What are the common developmental disabilities caused by this disorder?
• What are the common intellectual disabilities caused by this disorder?
• Is there a way to know in advance how intellectually impacted a child may be? 
• Do the symptoms differ depending on the type of Down syndrome the child has? 
• What are the common mental health issues that people with this disorder may exhibit?
• What are some ways to determine the degree of impact if you adopt a child past infancy? 
• Interventions that can help.
• How do these kids fit within the school system? What is the school system required to do?
• What are the common medical conditions that may accompany trisomy 21?
• What is the life expectancy of a person with Down syndrome?
• Is there a medical specialty that those considering adopting or fostering a child with Down syndrome should seek out?
• What are some common mental health issues and behavioral issues that may be more common in people with Down syndrome?
• How to find mental health and behavioral treatment for children and adults with Down syndrome?
• How does trauma interact with Down syndrome?
• Is attachment difficult for kids with Down syndrome who have experienced trauma?
• Are people with Down syndrome able to live independently in adulthood?
• What makes a difference in the prognosis for children with Down syndrome? 
• Why should people consider adopting or fostering a child with Down syndrome?

Resources:

• National Down Syndrome Society (list of specialized centers)
• Global Down Syndrome 
• Reece’s Rainbow 
  • National Down Syndrome Adoption Network 
  • Project Search 
• Understanding Down Syndrome 
• American Academy of Pediatrics Clinical Report: Health Supervision for Children With Down Syndrome

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My 4-year-old foster son moved in 9 months ago. He will likely remain with me permanently, and the application is in progress. I was his 5th foster home when he moved in. There was neglect at his birth parents and abuse in a previous foster home. Last weekend he was being babysat by my sister and brother-in-law. They went to the basement to show him a toy, and he saw a large dog cage they were planning to sell online. He was immediately triggered, ran upstairs, hid under the pillows in a bed, and it took 10 minutes to feel safe. He was obviously placed in a dog cage at some point. How do I support him, talk to him about what happened, and make him feel safe? How should I support him and help him calm his nervous system if he is triggered again?

Resources:

• A Conversation with Dr. Bruce Perry About Trauma
• 6 Crucial Things Every Adoptive Parent Must Do
• Using Scripts to Build Trust with Foster & Adopted Kids
• Suggested Book List - Kids Who Have Experienced Trauma

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Join our panel of four former foster youth to learn what they wished foster parents and others knew about being in foster care.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Tell us the story of your involvement with foster care and the child welfare system.
• What was something that your foster parent(s) did that helped you cope?
• What did your foster parents do that made things harder for you?
• What are some of the myths that you hear about kids in foster care?
• If listeners are considering becoming foster parents, what should they consider to help them decide if they are the right fit to be foster parents?

Resources:

• The Faces of Foster Care Volume 1, 2, and 3 

Resources - Dave Armstrong

• Why Me My Fight For Life (Book)
• From Gangs To Greece (Book)
• www.SenseiDave.com (Speaking page)
• www.upna.net (Coaching/Mentoring)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: First, I wanted to thank you for your incredible podcast. I’m not a parent (I only recently graduated from college), but I have volunteered in group homes for foster care children for the past couple of years. Your podcast has not only helped me to work more effectively with the kids I see but has also given me insight into what I want to do in my career. I hope to research and work with families involved with the foster care system in the future, and your podcast has allowed me to learn from so many interesting and diverse perspectives. My question is: how do you balance giving children who have experienced trauma both a sense of control and structure? From the kids I’ve worked with, I’ve noticed that many of them tend to act out the most when they feel like they don’t have control. This makes sense to me, as I imagine almost all kids in foster care have had a severe lack of control in their lives. However, I’ve also heard that kids who have experienced trauma benefit from having a strict structure in their lives. These two ideas seem somewhat antithetical to each other, but both seem important. How do you recommend parents and practitioners give children both a sense of control over their lives and provide them with structure so they have a sense of safety? Thank you again for your wonderful podcast, it truly has made such a difference in how I think about the foster care system. I look forward to listening to your podcast every week.

Resources:

• Free E-Guide: Parenting a Child Exposed to Trauma
• Helping a Child Heal from Trauma
• Parenting Kids with Challenging Behavior
• Raising Foster Children

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building