Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Question:  I feel terrible even saying this, but I am counting down the days until school starts. My kids have trauma histories, ADHD, and prenatal exposure, and summer has been rough. The lack of routine seems to make everything harder—sleep, behavior, arguing, screen time, all of it. We started summer with big plans, but now everyone is cranky, including me. How do we make it through the rest of summer without completely falling apart?

Resources: 

• Embracing Summer: Supporting Children Through Seasonal Transitions
• Empowered to Connect: Summer Survival Resources
• Surviving Summer with Kids Impacted by Trauma
• 5 Tips for Surviving Summer with Kids Impacted by Trauma
• Keeping Your Older Grandkids Busy During the Summer

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

When we think about attachment in adoption and foster care, we usually focus on the child. But parents bring their own attachment histories and life experiences into the relationship as well. Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker explores how a parent's past can shape their parenting, influence reactions to challenging behaviors, and impact family connection and healing. Dr. Wirta-Leiker is a licensed psychologist, transnational and transracial adoptee, adoptive parent, creator of the National Adoptee-Therapist Directory, and author of the Adoptees Like Me children’s book series.

In this episode, we discuss:

• When we talk about trauma and attachment in adoption and foster care, most of the focus tends to be on the child. Why is it equally important to explore the parents' history?
• What do parents sometimes miss about the role their own experiences play in parenting?
• Why can it feel uncomfortable or even threatening for parents to turn the lens inward rather than focusing exclusively on the child?
• Can you give us a working definition of what you mean by "attachment" so we are all on the same page?
• How does that relationship from our childhood influence our parenting style now? 
• The 4 major adult attachment styles, and what do they look or feel like in our parent-child relationship:

1. Secure
2. Anxious/Preoccupied
3. Avoidant/Dismissive
4. Disorganized/Unresolved

• Many parents hear descriptions of attachment styles and immediately start self-diagnosing. Why is that unwise or unhelpful? And what do you want parents to understand about using these concepts as tools for growth rather than labels?
• How do unresolved childhood experiences or trauma shape our parenting responses?
• Our kids with their histories of trauma, attachment disruptions, grief, losses, and trauma often bring those into our relationships. When these histories intersect with our unresolved experiences, both parent and child can feel triggered.
• What are some common ways our history of trauma may get activated—or "triggered"—by our adopted or foster children?
• How can we talk to ourselves when we feel that activation happening? Scripts we can use or messaging we can rehearse?
• Are there certain child behaviors that tend to be especially activating for parents with unresolved attachment or trauma wounds? 
• What is happening neurologically and emotionally when a parent feels disproportionately angry, hurt, rejected, or powerless in response to a child's behavior?
• Why do you think parenting in adoption and foster care is uniquely effective at exposing unresolved issues that a parent may not have known were there?
• How do our parental expectations—about bonding, gratitude, trust, or family life—sometimes become obstacles to connection?
• What are some signs we notice when we are responding from our own history rather than from what the child actually needs in the moment?
  • What signs can we notice in our kids to help us see that we may be responding from our own histories?
• What does healthy self-awareness look like for adoptive and foster parents?
• When parents recognize their own triggers, what practical steps can they take in the moment?
• How can parents begin exploring their own attachment history safely and productively?
• Is it possible to move toward a more secure attachment style as an adult? If so, how does that happen?
• What's one question parents should ask themselves when they find themselves repeatedly stuck in conflict with their child?
• Where would you encourage parents to begin if today's conversation has raised some difficult but important self-reflection?

Resources:

• Grow Beyond Words
• Understanding Attachment Between Parent and Child
• Adoptee and Foster Alum Voices resource page
• Therapy Resources for Adoptive, Foster, and Kinship Families

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: What advice do you have for fostering/adopting children with autism, particularly those with limited communication skills? How can we best support them in expressing big feelings and feeling safe to do so? What can we do to help them feel they have some control and feel heard when they can't always communicate what they want and have a harder time understanding what's going on?

Resources:

• Setting Up Your Child with Autism for Success
• Helping Autistic Kids Shine
• What Is Pathological Demand Avoidance and How Do I Parent This Child?
• Helping Your Child with Autism Thrive
• Parent Support Toolkit (Autism Foundation)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How can storytelling help kids heal? In this episode, we talk to Dr. Sharon Zaffarese-Dippold to explore how story helps children make sense of their experiences, build resilience, and move toward thriving, including simple, everyday ways to begin using it at home. She is a psychotherapist with 27 years of experience in counseling and author of the "Garbage Bag Life" series, which emphasizes her journey through foster care.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Can you tell us a little about your own journey and why helping children make sense of their stories became such an important part of your life?
• What did you wish the adults around you had understood about what you were carrying as a child?
• Why are stories such powerful tools for helping children heal?
• What is it about a story that often feels safer than direct conversations, especially for children who have experienced trauma, loss, foster care, adoption, or family disruption?
• What happens when children don't have a coherent story about their lives?
• What are some of the questions they may silently wrestle with?
• Many parents and caregivers are afraid of saying the wrong thing around a child’s story. What do you suggest?
• What does it mean when a child moves from "What's wrong with me?" to "What happened to me?"
• What are some simple ways parents and caregivers can build storytelling into everyday family life?
• Stories can be used for more than understanding a child’s history in adoption, foster care, and relative care. They can also help children recognize their strengths, resilience, and a sense of belonging.
• How can parents and caregivers use storytelling to build family identity?

Resources:

• How to Talk with Our Kids About the Difficult Parts of Their Stories
• How to Make and Use an Adoption Lifebook
• Building the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories
• The Healing Power of Storytelling
• Suggested Books for Kids:  Adoption, Foster Care, and Kinship Care

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My partner and I parent really differently, especially with our adopted child. I’m more focused on connection and understanding behavior, and my partner is much more strict and consequences-focused. We keep arguing about discipline and routines, and honestly, it’s starting to hurt our relationship too. How do we stop fighting about parenting and work better together?

Resources:

• Prioritizing Your Marriage in Adoption, Foster Care, or Kinship Care
• When Your Child's Trauma Impacts Your Marriage
• Self-Care Isn't Selfish

Related Podcasts:

• Strategies for Maintaining a Healthy Marriage or Partnership While Raising Adopted, Foster, or Relative Children
• When Parenting Feels Uneven: Helping Your Partner Step In

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Navigating special education can feel overwhelming—but you don’t have to do it alone. In this episode, we’re joined by Paula J. Yost, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, special education advocate, lawyer, educator, and author who breaks down IEPs, 504 plans, evaluations, and how to effectively advocate for your child.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What led you to focus on helping families navigate the special education system?
• For parents and caregivers who may be feeling overwhelmed, confused, or even intimidated by this process, what would you want them to know right at the beginning?
• Is there a preferred or more respectful language we should be using—special education, exceptional children education, or something else?
• What are the key laws that govern special education in the United States?
  • FAPE
  • IDEA
• What are some of the most common acronyms parents & caregivers will encounter, and what do they mean?
  • IEPs
  • 504 plans
  • LRE
  • SDI
  • OHI
• What are some early signs that a child might need additional support or an educational assessment?
• How does trauma impact a child’s ability to learn and show up in the classroom?
• What are the first steps a parent or caregiver should take if they believe their child needs to be evaluated?
• What is involved in an educational assessment, and what should families expect from that process?
• Once a child is evaluated, how do families understand the results and translate them into meaningful support?
• Can you explain the difference between an IEP and a 504 plan in terms of the support and accommodations they include?
• What kinds of accommodations or supports should parents and caregivers be aware of that they can request in an IEP or 504 plan?
• What are some common mistakes or misconceptions parents have when entering this process?
• What rights do foster or kinship parents have when it comes to requesting evaluations and services?
• Are foster or kinship parents allowed to attend IEP or 504 meetings, and what role can they play in those discussions?
• How can foster or kinship parents support a child with learning differences or disabilities at home, to reinforce what is being done at school?
• What should parents do if they feel the school isn’t providing adequate support or following through on a plan?
• For families just beginning this journey, what are a few practical first steps they can take this week to start advocating for their child?
• What message of encouragement or reassurance would you like to leave with parents and caregivers who are walking this path?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My child is in upper elementary school, and we’ve been together for a while, but they still keep me at arm’s length. What are some concrete things I can do now to help build a more secure attachment?

Resources:

• Establishing Secure Attachment with Your New Foster or Adopted Tween or Teen
• Understanding and Improving Parent-Child Attachment
• The Power of Curiosity: Helping Kids Feel Safe to Grow
• Understanding How Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) Help Kids Thrive

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What should you consider when preparing to become a host family to a child who is eligible for international adoption? We talk with Misty Lucas, an International Program Director at Gladney Center for Adoption. 

In this episode, we talk about:

• For listeners new to this topic, what is a child hosting program, and what are the goals of hosting today? 
• How have hosting programs changed in recent years, especially around ethics and child welfare practices? 
• What types of children most commonly participate in hosting programs (ages, sibling groups, common needs, etc.)? 
• Are children typically already eligible for adoption before participating?
• What does it look like to be a host family?
• What types of families tend to thrive in hosting programs
• What does it mean to advocate for a child during hosting?
• What signs may suggest a family is not ready?
• What kind of screening, training, and preparation do host families typically complete?
• How much information do families usually receive about a child beforehand?
• How should families prepare the children already living in their home?
• Are there special considerations for families whose children already have trauma histories or who were adopted themselves?
• Why is it so important for host families to understand trauma before hosting?
• How does trauma commonly show up during hosting, especially in a short-term environment?
• What behaviors or emotional responses should families realistically expect?
• What are common mistakes well-intentioned host families make?
• Hosting programs can raise strong criticisms and concerns. What are the most common criticisms or misunderstandings about hosting?
• How do ethical programs work to reduce a child’s feelings of being “chosen” or evaluated?
• How are children prepared emotionally before they travel?
• How do programs and host families work to avoid creating false hope for children?
• What does a typical hosting session look like? How long, what to do, etc.
• What activities and support should host families expect during hosting?
• What financial realities should families understand before committing?
• Can families host even if they are unsure about adoption?
• If a family decides they want to pursue adoption, what typically happens next?
  • What does that process and timeline often look like?
• What is emotionally difficult for families after a child returns home while adoption decisions are pending?
• Are the children made aware of a potential adoption plan once hosting is over? 
• What does a successful hosting experience look like from the child’s perspective?
• What’s one thing you hope every prospective host family understands before beginning? 

Resources:

• Gladney Center for Adoption, Hosting Program
• Hosting Package from CreatingaFamilyEd.org
• Is Our Family Right for an “Orphan” Hosting Program? 7 Questions to Ask
• Prepare for Hosting an International Orphan 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: We have applied to adopt a baby. We’re more or less being told that if we don’t agree to an open adoption, we’ll never get chosen by a birth mom. But, I really don’t want an open adoption. I think kids need just one mom and dad and opening up our family to others will just be confusing for everyone. But, I’m afraid that we’ll never get chosen if I say this.

Resources:

• Open Adoption (Resource page)
• Listening to Adoptee Voices
• Understanding the Birth Parents’ Experience

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Parenting neurodiverse tweens and teens can feel overwhelming, especially when traditional parenting strategies don’t seem to work. In this episode, we talk with Carl Young and Joel Sheagren, co-authors of Embracing Hope: Innovative Strategies to Empower Parents Raising Neurodiverse Teens, about practical, brain-based strategies to reduce conflict, support emotional regulation, strengthen connection, and navigate the hard seasons with more hope.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What are parents of tweens and teens carrying right now that you know they want people to understand?
• Why do the tween and teen years often become especially hard for neurodiverse kids and their caregivers?
• One of the themes in your work is “understanding over stigma.” Can you tell us what that means?
• What are examples of behaviors parents are often blamed for, or blamed on the child, that may actually be rooted in neurodevelopmental differences?
• Many parents feel confused because traditional parenting advice doesn’t seem to work for their child with neurodiversity. 
• Can you explain executive functioning in a way that helps overwhelmed parents understand what their child is actually struggling with day to day? 
• What are some real-life ways those struggles show up at home?
• What are some common expectations we place on tweens and teens that may not match their developmental abilities? 
• How can parents shift toward more reasonable expectations without giving up on growth?
• What are some practical strategies to reduce conflict at home while still maintaining structure and boundaries?
• We understand that self-regulation is a learned skill that comes from years of our own regulation and then sharing it with our kids, called co-regulation.  What does co-regulation actually look like with a tween or teen who is escalating emotionally?
• How can parents respond differently to behaviors like impulsivity, shutdowns, avoidance, perseveration, or lying?
• Many caregivers say they feel like they’re “walking on eggshells.” It’s exhausting and creates so much stress in our homes.
• Where do you recommend families start when the home has fallen into a state of constant stress or chaos?
• How can parents introduce and maintain the “calm” in spite of the chaos that our kids’ neurodivergence may bring with it?
• What helps parents hold onto a connection with their child during seasons when everyone feels frustrated or discouraged?
• Sometimes families need help redefining success. How do you encourage parents to rethink what thriving can look like for neurodiverse tweens and teens?

Resources:

• Embracing Neurodiversity
• Embracing Hope: Innovative Strategies to Empower Parents Raising Neurodiverse Teens
• Raising Kids with Neurodiversity (ADHD, Autism, & Learning Differences)
• Suggested books for Raising Kids with Learning You

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building