Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Children adopted from foster care or from abroad have often experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma. These children require a different form of parenting.  This is a re-air of an older interview we did with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, author of The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family, and the founder and Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development, about how to help children from hard places heal.  

In this episode, we cover:

• Why is parenting abused children different from traditional parenting?
• What are the 3 most important things you should do during the first 6 months home with a newly adopted child?
• How can we discipline our children while still remaining connected and create attachment?
• How can we help a child who has tantrums whenever he hears the word “no,” or is told he can’t do something?
• How long should parents stay home (if possible) after adoption?
• How can parents be proactive with children who have experienced abuse and neglect in order to help them and to improve behavior?
• Parenting kids adopted from foster care and internationally can be hard on the marriage and especially when one of the parents is the one getting educated on the type of parenting these kids need and the other one has not “bought into” it yet. How to help both parents get on the same page.
• How should parents handle criticism (implied or direct) about their parenting style when they are trying to follow the empower to connect style?
• What are some practical tools for encouraging attachment?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

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How do you find and adopt a baby or child in another state and what is the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC)? We talk with Chantilly Wijayasinha, MSW and MPH and Interim Director of Adoptions and Foster Care at Vista Del Mar Child & Family Services; and Jim Thompson, adoption, foster care, and assisted reproduction attorney at the Thompson Dove Law Group, and a Fellow at Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How is the COVID-19 pandemic impacting those people who are trying to create their family through surrogacy —both those seeking surrogates in the US and those going abroad. We talk with Dr. Barry Witt, the Medical Director of WINFertility and Greenwich Fertility.

In this episode, we cover:

• How is surrogacy practiced in the US?
• What is the distinction between gestational surrogate and a traditional surrogate?
• Is it possible to go abroad to find a surrogate?
• Why do people go abroad?
• What are the most popular countries for people to go to for surrogacy? (including the US)
• How has COVID-19 impacted intended parents seeking surrogates in the US?
• How has COVID-19 impacted people seeking surrogates in another country, including those coming to the US?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Do you know how the legal process of adoption works? How do you get an original birth certificate? How do you get a social security number for your adopted child? We talk with Brinton Wright, an adoption attorney and Fellow in the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys about the legal and social implications of adoption.

In this episode, we cover:

• Different types of adoption.
• The difference between voluntary and involuntary termination of parental rights.
• What is meant by a "legal risk" adoption.
• What is meant by open adoption.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

We talk about Coping with the Stress of Infertility with Dr. Tonya Wood, a clinical psychologist specializing in family planning,  pregnancy loss and infertility. She is the Director of Clinical Training at Pepperdine University and is 2020 President of the California Psychological Association.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why is infertility so stressful?
• What are the losses women experience when they realize that either they or their partner is infertile?
• What are the losses men experience when either they or their partner is infertile?
• Why do some patients feel shame or guilt surrounding their infertility?
• What is ambiguous loss and why is that type of loss more stressful?
• How can infertility impact marriages and partnerships?
• How do men and women deal with the stress of infertility in different ways?
• What are healthy techniques to deal with the stress of infertility?
• Importance of not postponing life while in infertility treatment.
• Should patients share that they are infertile with others?
• What are some of the cultural, racial, and religious differences in how people experience infertility stress? What are the differences in how they cope with the losses and grief of infertility?
• Are there specific triggers or times of year that are more stressful for many people?
• What can clinics and medical professionals do to help patients cope with the stress of infertility?
• What aspects of the clinic experience or treatment experience contributes to the stress of infertility?
• How to find a therapist that specializes in infertility?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Talking with your adopted or foster child about the hard parts of their story can feel like a daunting task.  Should you tell your child that her birth father is in jail or that her birth mother is addicted to drugs, or that she was conceived by rape? If so, how in the world do you share this news. We talk with Lesli Johnson, an EMDR therapist who specializes in adoption and foster care and an adult adoptee; and Susan Myers, a licensed Master Social Worker with Adoptions from the Heart Adoption Agency with offices throughout the northeast.

In this episode, we cover:

1.     Adopted and foster children often come to us with hard back stories: his birth parents are in jail, her birth mother used drugs or drank alcohol when she was pregnant, he was conceived via rape, siblings were kept by first family, it’s not known where siblings are, her first mother abused him, his birth father abused his mother, her first parents are addicted to drugs or alcohol, …

2.     Should you tell your child these difficult parts of their history?

3.     How should you tell your child these hard parts of their background?

4.     How do you lay the groundwork with young children in order to fill in the details later?

5.     By what age should you have shared all of your child’s story with him?

6.     Give specific examples of how a conversation might go with a preschooler, and how would you fill in the gaps for a 6 year old, 10, 13 year old, etc.

       a.     Child abuse

       b.     Addiction

       c.     Parent in jail

7.     Can you use a lifebook to talk about rape, imprisonment, drug and alcohol addiction?

8.     What is a lifebook and what should be included in a lifebook? 

9.     How to use a lifebook when there is jail, rape, abuse, etc in the child’s story?

10.  Specifically, how should parents tell their child that they were conceived during a rape?

11.  Oversharing can happen with both parents and with children.

12.  It’s tempting when your child is an infant to tell people private information. Why should foster and adoptive parents avoid this?

13.  When might it be important to share some details of the child’s background?

14.  How do you help your child understand how much of his story he should share with others outside the family?

15.  How can adoptive parents help their children understand that they are more than the hard parts of their history and that they are not doomed to repeat their birth parents’ mistakes?

Additional Resources:

Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past 

by Betsy Keefer  and Jayne E. Schooler

Talking with Children about Difficult History 

by Holly van Gulden 

 Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child (2nd Edition September 21, 2011)

by Beth O'Malley M.Ed

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Does it feel like your adopted or foster child is sabotaging the holidays? Are there more tantrums, sullenness, and anxiety during the holiday season? In this episode, we explore why holidays are difficult for kids who have been exposed to trauma and what to do about it.  We talk with Rebeccca Robotham, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Beehive Counseling & Wellness in Connecticut. She is also an adoptee and former foster child.

In this episode, we cover:

• There are many sources of trauma for children, and many adopted and foster children have experienced trauma before they come to our homes. Trauma can include neglect, prenatal exposure, abuse, domestic violence, and the actual act of being removed from your parents.
• How can trauma impact children both physically and emotionally?
• What is it about the holidays that makes it hard for kids with trauma? (change in routine, lots of people, bringing up memories, over-stimulation, change in diet, distracted parents, build up of anticipation, let down after the fact…)
• What type of behaviors might you see? (more tantrums, dysregulation, “sabotaging” the holidays, sibling bickering, depression, sullenness, anxiety, …)
• How can families do the holidays differently to help kids who have experienced trauma?
• Trauma in adoption and foster care
• Adoptive Parenting/Foster Parenting Tips

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Is your child more challenging than most? Do typical parenting approaches not work? We talk about how to parent harder to parent kids with Dr. Ross Greene, the originator of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions parenting model, a non-punitive, non-adversarial, trauma-informed model of care. Dr. Greene is a clinical psychologist, former Harvard professor, and the author The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Should you consider adopting or fostering a child that is older than a child already in your family. Are there things you can do to make it easier for all the children. We talk with Teresa Bernu, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Adoption Center of Illinois, and Mark Lacava, LCSW and Chief Clinical Officer at Spence Chapin Services to Family and Children an Adoption organization in NYC.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Do you dread the teen years? Do you want to keep your kids little forever or go back to that sweet stage when they were still in footy pajamas? Listen to this fantastic interview with Dr. Ken Ginsburg to help you embrace the wonderful years between 11 and 20. Dr. Ginsburg is the Co-Founder and Director of Programs at the Center for Parent and Teen Communication and Professor of Pediatrics at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. He is the author of 5 award-winning books including: Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building