TIMESTAMPS UNAVAILABLE FOR THIS EPISODE

CW: mentions of eating disorders, female GM, CSA, SA.  Melissa Duge Spiers grew up in the shadow of control, silence, and secrets inside the insular fundamentalist sect, Seventh-Day Adventist Church. From being beaten for resisting a childhood home perm to seducing a forbidden public school athlete in her parents’ bed to reclaim her autonomy, Melissa’s early years were shaped by repression, shame, and religious programming. Her escape from the SDA church launched her into a life of risk. When Melissa learned that a family member was a serial chiId predator shielded by the church, her world imploded. But this revelation was only the beginning.

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Watch our follow up LIVE with Melissa here

Find Melissa on Social Media!

HOLY DISOBEDIENCE memoir

IG: https://www.instagram.com/the.glory.whole/

Personal IG: https://www.instagram.com/melissadugespiers_writer

Substack: https://substack.com/@melissadugespiers

email: [email protected]

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Venmo @sheliseann

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Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

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**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TIMESTAMPS UNAVAILABLE FOR THIS EPISODE

CW:  CA, DV, Mentions of CSA Material & Suicidal Attempts/Ideation.  Zett Espinoza was born into a professional criminal family in Los Angeles. Her mother struggled with mental illness and that often left the children neglected and afraid. Initiated into gang life around 12 years old, Zett’s father was conditioned for illegal activity. He started an illegal empire and employed his children to avoid his own fingerprints on the horrific materials they were packing. He was constantly running from the law and even escaped prison at one point which led him to cross into Mexico and force his children to take on new identities. Zett and her siblings had no choice but to fall into line and continue the criminal activity into their adult years. Zett managed to escape that life, but not without serious threats from her father who is still to this day at large. 

Click here to watch on YouTube

Watch Zett on Soft White Underbelly - “A Fugitive Childhood"

Follow Zett on YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/@ZettEspinoza

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Venmo @sheliseann

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Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

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**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

CW: Suicidal ideation, self harm.  Born in the 1970s in Wisconsin, Arno grew up in a turbulent environment with alcohol, fighting, and family dysfunction around him.  As a teenager, he was angry, rebellious, and looking for belonging. That led him toward white power skinhead culture in the late 1980s. He became a founding member of a major U.S. skinhead gang and the lead singer of a hate-metal band that glorified racism and violence. Eventually, cracks began forming in his extremist worldview and a few things shifted him away from hate: Becoming a father, kindness from people he was supposed to hate and burnout from violence — he saw friends go to prison, die, or spiral into addiction, and he realized the path only led to destruction. By the mid-1990s, he walked away from the white power movement.

In 2011, Arno helped found Life After Hate, an organization dedicated to helping people leave extremist movements and rebuild their lives.  He became a public speaker, sharing his story in schools, prisons, and communities around the world.

His memoir My Life After Hate (2010) details his radicalization and transformation.

Click here to watch on YouTube

Find and Connect with Arno:

Website:  www.mylifeafterhate.com

IG: @ArnoMichaelis 

LinkedIn: @ArnoMichaelis

Parental resource: parents4peace.org

If you are concerned about someone’s extreme beliefs or behaviors, Parents for Peace has a free and confidential helpline at 844-49-PEACE (844-497-3223) or email at [email protected] 

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Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

Chapter Marks

00:00:00 Intro

00:03:21 Why Arno Decided to Share His Past; His Backstory

00:06:31 Arno’s ChiIdhood & The Beginnings of His Anti-Social Behavior

00:12:25 How Arno’s Self-Esteem & Tactics He That Would've Benefitted Him as a Boy

00:18:05 Arno’s Group's Interaction with Other White National*sts

00:23:14  How Arno Used His Natural Leadership Abilities Throughout His Life and As Part of H*te Groups

00:26:37 How Arno Became Familiar with White National*st Ideologies

00:33:05 Life After Moving Out of the House at 16

00:39:11 The Specifics of How Arno Adopted Rac*st Ideologies

00:47:13 CW: Rac*sm, Arno Shares the Beginning Steps of Him Leaving the Sk*nhead Group and Ideologies

00:48:57 CW: Attempted Su*cide, self h*rm

00:52:33 CW: Attempted Su*cide, self h*rm, Having a Daughter While Still in the White National*st Group

00:55:18 CW: Su*cidal ideation, self h*rm

00:59:44 Arno Explains His Self-Destructive Attitudes and What Eventually Led him Out of the Sk*nheads

01:07:26 Arno Shares Some of the Kindness Seeds People Planted Along the Way that Were Contrary to His Ideologies

01:15:32 Arno’s Famous "McDonald's Story"

01:23:51 What Arno is Doing Now And How He Helps Get People Out of Extrem*st H*te Groups

01:27:01 Arno’s Interactions with Daryl Davis

01:31:23 Final Thoughts and Linda Listen

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CW:  SA, ED, Suicidal Ideation.  Growing up Ultra Orthodox in an extremely abusive home, left Tzivya Murrin completely unprepared for the outside world. She tried to get help multiple times to get away from her parents, but the system failed her. Once she finally got someone on the outside to listen, hands were held out to pull her out of her dangerous situation. However, some of those hands lead her right back into chaos and destruction. Find out how she was finally able to find peace and stability after a long tumultuous life. 

Click here to watch on YouTube

Watch Pt 1

Find Tzivya on social media: https://www.instagram.com/tzivyateemurrin/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/tzivya.murrin.medicaid.planner

https://www.facebook.com/SensibleSeniorPlanning

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Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

CW:  CSA, CA, ED, Suicidal Ideation.  In a system that keeps victims silent in their pain, perpetrators go unchecked and are further emboldened to inflict harm. Tzivya Murrin was trapped in this system. No matter what she did, her parents found reason for extreme punishment. She asked for help multiple times from her community and instead was handed right back to her abusers. Time and time again the system failed her and she was forced to live a childhood rife with every type of abuse imaginable. 

Click here to watch on YouTube

Watch pt 2

Find Tzivya on social media: https://www.instagram.com/tzivyateemurrin/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/tzivya.murrin.medicaid.planner

https://www.facebook.com/SensibleSeniorPlanning

Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel!

Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast.

Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here!

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Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

Chapter Marks

00:00:00 Intro

00:03:44 Tzivya's sect of Judaism and its teachings against non-Jews

00:12:31 Tzivya's family structure and dynamic

00:16:40 CW: CA, The patterns of ab*se around getting good grades

00:23:28 Tzivya's community turning a blind eye

00:28:53 CW: CA, Tzivya's taking risks to lessen her ab*se

00:34:38 CW: CA, CSA, The start of Tzivya being CSA

00:39:30 CW: CA, CSA, Su*cidal Ideation, The extreme pun*shment Tzivya received for cheating

00:45:07 Tzivya's mother 

00:48:47 CW: CA, CSA, ED, When Tzivya's mother started ab*sing her

00:54:02 The ways Tzivya's mom tried to control her body and food

00:58:05 CW: CA, CSA, ED, Tzivya's first attempts to talk to others about the ab*se

01:06:06 The continued control during and after high school

01:11:29 The teaching to not report within Tzivya's sect of Judaism

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Targeted violence hit a Mormon church in Michigan which claimed at least 5 lives. The same day, it was discovered that the LDS prophet had passed away at 101 years old. A weekend full of grief. We will discuss the events, hold space for those lost and talk about what might be next with the new prophet Dallin H Oaks. Joining us to speak on the history of Oaks is Bryan from True Mormon Quotes. 

Click here to watch on YouTube

Follow Bryan on IG: http://www.instagram.com/true_mormon_quotes

AP article: https://apnews.com/article/mormon-church-shooting-michigan-dcb79ee701b0b8076bf73e30e10ba2b7

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Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tamara was a new mom seeking connection and community in a scary world where simplicity was romanticized. She was introduced to the Twelve Tribes by a family member and after some love bombing on some overnight trips, she was hooked. She convinced her husband to sell all they owned including their home and even clothes to leave society and move their family into a single bedroom in a communal TT home. Her son Emmet was less than 2 years old and he would come to live a difficult life in the strict boundaries of the cult. Tamara would come to regret her decision after the bait and switch had become clear, but it was too late. She went on to have more children and wouldn’t leave the cult with her family until 14 years later. Tamara and her son Emmet talk about what it was like going through it together. 

Click here to watch on YouTube

Tamara's Interview Pt 1

Tamara's Interview Pt 2

Find Tamara!

FB: Tamara Mathieu Author 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/tamaramathieu4/

Book: All Who Believed

Click here to watch Emmet’s interview 

Follow Emmet on social media:

Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/milwalkietalkie

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@milwalkietalkie

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@milwalkietalkie

Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel!

Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast.

Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here!

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Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Just before Emmet Mathieu was 2 years old, his mother Tamara longed for community and simple living, so she convinced her husband to permanently move into the Twelve Tribes commune. Immediate regret set in, but it was too late. Forced to conform to extreme chiId discipline, Emmet was punished every day just for doing developmentally normal things. Immediate compliance was mandatory and if not given he would be punished with the “rod”. He wasn’t allowed to have independent play, speak to other children, and was put to work as young as a toddler. Emmet explains how he learned to cope and the struggles he faced after his family escaped in his late teen years. 

Click here to watch on YouTube

Follow Emmet on social media:

Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/milwalkietalkie

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@milwalkietalkie

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@milwalkietalkie

Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel!

Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast.

Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here!

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Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

Chapter Marks

00:00:00 Intro

00:03:53 Emmet's summary of the 12 Tribes

00:08:07 CW: CA, Emmet's standout chiIdhood memories

00:16:36 Toxic productivity and schooling in the community

00:27:03 Friendships and secretly communicating with other chiIdren

00:32:41 Starting work as a chiId

00:36:08 Seeing the outside world, and the instability within the cult

00:45:53 Emmet's involvement with teaching chiIdren, and moving to Florida

00:51:30 Emmet's feeling he's carried with him since leaving & life in Florida

00:56:50 Emmet's family leaves the cult

01:01:13 Working, finishing school, and navigating high school sports

01:08:10 Dating and meeting girls

01:12:18 Gaming, streaming, and sharing his story

01:16:17 Emmet's Linda Listen and final thoughts

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After joining what Tamara Mathieu thought would be a wholesome, down to earth, communal family group in August of 2000, things quickly went downhill— she immediately regretted her decision.  At 23 years old, Tamara, her husband and their 17-month-old son gave up EVERYTHING to join the Twelve Tribes worldwide religious organization.  In return they received a militaristic, impossible-to-please hierarchy, where she worked constantly and had to employ harsh discipline on her children. 

Fourteen years went by and enough was enough. Find out how her family finally escaped the Twelve Tribes and learned how to once again be “of the world” with no jobs, money or housing. 

Click here to watch on YouTube

Watch the interview with Tamara's son, Emmet

Watch pt 1

Find Tamara!

FB: Tamara Mathieu Author 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/tamaramathieu4/

Book: All Who Believed

Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel!

Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast.

Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here!

Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness

Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

Chapter Marks

00:00:00 Intro

00:19:12 The "Prison of Specialness" & meeting good people

00:23:22 What adolescence looks like inside vs outside the 12 Tribes

00:30:47 The struggles adapting to living in the outside world

00:36:31 Repercussions on Tamara's family after leaving the community 

00:45:13 The Yellow Deli's

00:52:58 Food in the 12 Tribes

00:56:21 Tamara's passions and joys & adjustments she's still making

01:03:55 Tamara's Linda Listen and final thoughts

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lured into the TWELVE TRIBES (Yellow Deli) Cult

TIMESTAMPS UNAVAILABLE FOR THIS EPISODE

Tamara Mathieu was a new mother in a scary world where Columbine had just happened. Romanticizing a simple life and craving safety for her family, she began visiting the Twelve Tribes. She noticed a village raising the well behaved chiIdren, homemade food and happy families. Feeling alone, isolated and overwhelmed at home with her baby, she spent more and more time at their compounds. She was welcomed with open arms, given gift baskets and the women loved her chiId. It felt like home. She convinced her husband to leave his high paying job, sell their home and all their belongings and completely leave their modern life behind to move into the Twelve Tribes. Assigned one bedroom for their family, everything changed once they moved in. Work became excruciating, chiId discipline expectations were extreme and Tamara would see her husband even less than before. Regret set in, but it was too late. She wouldn’t escape the community until 14 years later.

Click here to watch on YouTube

Watch pt 2

Watch the interview with Tamara's son, Emmet

Find Tamara!

FB: Tamara Mathieu Author 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/tamaramathieu4/

Book: All Who Believed

Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel!

Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast.

Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here!

Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness

Venmo @sheliseann

Find us on Social media!

Instagram @cultstoconsciousness 

Host Instagram @sheliseann 

Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ 

TikTok @cults.to.consciousness 

Twitter @cultstocon 

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.