Deconstructing Gaslighting™

Do you like to connect with the people you’re allowing to speak into your life? Like, maybe, people whose podcast you listen to? LOL. The more we get a sense of who someone is, how they live their lives, what’s important to them, the struggles they have, etc – the more we connect with them. The more we connect with them, the more we trust them – and trust is not an easy thing to come by when it’s been damaged for you. In today’s episode, Sarah does something she has NEVER done in any public arena – she’s invited her wife to come on the podcast to talk about their life together.

Here's your weekly invitation to be on the podcast!  If you have any interest, please don't hesitate to contact Sarah – she’d love to address any concerns you might have and make it an experience where you are being helped, and she can help a lot of other people, too.  Click HERE to get the ball rolling.

Sarah’s guest today is her wife, Melanie; she is the one that has been behind the scenes, supporting Sarah’s passion and pursuit of bringing her Deconstructing Gaslighting offerings to the world! Melanie is a graphic designer turned nurse, turned travel nurse. She loves experiencing new things and will never say no to trying a new cheese, beer/wine, or restaurant. She loves her people well, and her favorite day of her life was when Sarah said yes to marrying her.

Story Time: Sarah and Melanie spend time answering both fun and “serious” questions about their relationship.

Set Your Alarm: If there is a take-away from this episode, Sarah would love for you to take away:

• Don’t make concessions/settle
• Know your minimums and be mindful of the self-gaslighting of “I want too much”, and other limiting beliefs.
• You deserve to be loved well, too. Thank you, dear listeners, for joining Sarah and Melanie on their “date night”. They hope you enjoyed getting to know them a little bit, and maybe found some inspiration for setting the bar high in your own relationships.  

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

Sarah speaks to white women that consider themselves conservative Christians, who are struggling because of the internal conflict that is raging – because of the abuse of power they are witnessing.

Unless people can see, and then confront the gaslighting that they have experienced, they won’t be able to see past the bullshit, and then do the wrestling they need to do in order to get out of that cognitive dissonance.

Do you have an experience/topic for Sarah to connect to gaslighting? If so, click here to let Sarah know.

Word of the day: Cognitive Dissonance - According to verywellmind.com, The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This experience of trying to hold two conflicting beliefs is ALWAYS experienced as a result of chronic gaslighting. 

Story Time: Today, Sarah gives a few examples from her own life of how she came to recognize the cognitive dissonance she was unknowingly experiencing and how she found peace.

Deconstruction Zone:

1. In all three stories, gaslighting tactics of distorting facts, ignoring reality that doesn’t support their agenda, refusing to accept answers they didn’t want, laying on guilt trips, being inconsistent with the use of principles/Bible verses, exaggerating the faults all were present. These things were used to manipulate, play mind games, and brainwash people into taking on not only their beliefs about abortion/race & racism/LGBTQ+, but ALSO, what must be done about it – as their own.
2. Sarah highlights self-gaslighting when it comes to race/racism. A common, unaware gaslighting motive is a defense mechanism to fear/shame. She specifically names self-gaslighting through minimizing, ignoring the bits of reality we feel like we can’t “handle” or “don’t relate to us”, and exaggerating things that soothe our shame/fear/sense of powerlessness.

Set Your Alarm: Two alarms today:

1) Those who are experiencing the cognitive dissonance:

• Acknowledge the internal conflict. 
• Question things that don’t sit right with you. You get to question anyone and everyone! Start here: what do I FEEL when I think about this issue (pay attention to your body cues); what do I like about the stance I’ve been taking/what are the values that support the stance I’ve been taking; what do I NOT like about the stance I’ve been taking/what values does it violate to have this stance?
• Be relentless in your pursuit of truth and consistency. 

2) Those who want to talk with loved ones experiencing cognitive dissonance:

• Acknowledge/validate the conflict.  This is crucial, and where you should start.
• Make yourself available to share your views/how you came to see things the way you did. Point them to experts and resources that can help them with their conflict/CD.
• Hold your boundaries while holding empathy for the fact that your loved ones have themselves been gaslit, and will need to be able to see this before they can break free.
• Remember, it is not your responsibility to “educate” them or convince them of anything. It’s easy to get pulled out of our integrity and into debates and power plays and all the things – #1 priority is to stay in alignment with who you are/your values.

Sarah is going to have some exciting new ways to go through her signature program soon!  Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and/or Tiktok.

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

Divorce… an experience that most often involves mediation, attorneys, judges… potentially court… and the whole process can be filled with gaslighting! In today’s episode, Sarah talks with Kim Hansen Petroni, who specializes in helping women through this very specific journey that some of us have to go through. Listen in as she shares her story, and we discuss how to navigate this difficult process.

Sarah wants you.. yes, YOU, to be a guest on her podcast. Please reach out and get on her calendar here! 

Bio: The guest today is Kim Hansen Petroni, a betrayal trauma specialist who is a board-certified coach that is APSATS and Ercem certified. Her passion is supporting women as they walk through the isolating divorce process. To this end, she offers groups and has created a popular blog, called “not a casserole widow” which offers support for women going through high conflict divorces.

Word of the day: Brave – Oxford languages defines brave as: ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage. Sarah reads an excerpt from Glennon’s book, Untamed, because to Sarah, going through the divorce process requires that kind of bravery.

Story Time: Sarah and Kim talk about the ways Kim experienced gaslighting through her divorce process, and how others going through this can relate and learn from her experience.  

Deconstruction Zone: Sarah mentions some general gaslighting behaviors to look out for when it comes to the people and circumstances often involved in the divorce process. She also sets the alarm here, too, by naming what we can do.

• Anyone – your attorney, mediator, judge – family – even yourself… ANY ONE who tries to convince you that your thoughts/feelings/needs aren’t valid – Doesn’t matter if you may not be able to “win” them! The starting point needs to be validation.
• From the opposing side (your soon to be ex, the other party’s attorney, etc): things that create conflict, confusion, and ESPECIALLY chaos – this is often a ploy to get people to “give up and give in”.
• Let that be your huge red flag to stop, ground yourself, and check in with your truth, and your support TEAM.
•  A few things to be mindful of that you have more control over:
• Know that it’s normal to be in a vulnerable position due to the nature of the “professionals” involved in this process: know that you don’t have to betray yourself and just listen to what they’re saying – you get to ask all the questions and try to fight for what you (and your kids, if you have any) need to feel safe and secure.
• Be aware of the urge to fight for your “reputation”, or to be “understood”. 

Snooze button: Kim shares her top three tips:

1. Divorce does not feel good (for most people)- Having someone (therapist, divorce coach) who specializes in trauma or high conflict divorce is immeasurable.
2. Get clear on what you are fighting for! Find that TOP item, and make that your goal. 
3. You need support! 

If you want to join Sarah  in a discussion around today’s topic, I invite you to get on TikTok and follow me – I need 1,000 followers before I can do a live stream.

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!  And now I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today…

Are you trying to navigate dating as you are healing from gaslighting, trauma, betrayal, divorce, etc.? OR, maybe the thought of entering the dating world again scares the shit out of you! In today’s episode, Sarah brings on a dear friend who is currently navigating that scene. They discuss the things she’s learned about herself, others, AND how to navigate the shit show that dating can often end up being. 

Would YOU like to be a guest on the podcast, share your story, get Sarah’s brain on your experience, and have her help you get some clarity on what has been happening in your relationship? Reach out and get on Sarah’s calendar here! 

Word of the day: Define…  Oxford Languages defines the word define as: to state or describe exactly the nature, scope, or meaning of.  When it comes to gaslighting and SELF-gaslighting, this is a super important word.  Gaslighting happens when someone tries to define – FOR US – exactly what we should think/feel/believe/perceive, and we unknowingly take on these definitions of who we are or how we should live – AS IF THEY WERE OUR OWN. This understanding is central to the discussion I have with my guest today, and the things she’s been learning about herself and dating this past year.

Story Time: Sarah and Annie share some fun stories and talk about two main things Annie has learned over the course of her dating life post-divorce: gaslighting messages about WHO she should be dating and gaslighting messages about who she should BE while dating?

Deconstruction Zone:

• Why self-gaslighting happens; most people, at some point in their lives, realize they’ve taken on things that aren’t in alignment with who they are, authentically.
• The normal, natural, HUMAN desire to be loved by another person is thrown into conflict with self-love when their gaslighter is telling them to think/feel/believe/perceive their way.
• Self-abandonment – this is almost ALWAYS a result of this conflict.  The fear of abandonment by the other person overpowers our fear of abandoning ourselves, so we do what we need to do to win the love of the other person.

Set Your Alarm: Even though the theme of today’s episode is dating, anyone can apply some of the lessons, and set their alarms in a few ways.

• Get curious about what our “baseline”, or starting point, is regarding what we value/want/need in an intimate partner. Let’s talk about how we can figure out what that is:
• Acknowledge that there is a likelihood that you have been gaslit into taking on some things that aren’t authentically you.
• Get curious, and pay attention to the things that have been on auto-pilot, and then ask the following questions:
• Are these things other people told me that I should do, or are they my own (thoughts/feelings/beliefs)?
• Give yourself permission to ask these hard questions: Is this my belief, or did this come from outside of myself? 
• Does this actually feel good when I try to align myself with it? (Again, not SHOULD it feel good… DOES it feel good???!!!)
• Does it bring me peace and joy?
• Remind yourself that life allows for course corrections.  You GET to figure things out as you go, as long as you’re keeping yourself safe with good boundaries.

Want to stay in the loop about the exciting new ways to go through Sarah’s signature program? Follow her on your preferred social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok.  

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

Have you ever found yourself in the situation with your intimate partner where you feel like you’re not experiencing the type of connection and intimacy you were expecting… in fact, you get to the point where you are basically begging for intimacy, only to be told that either you want too much, OR, that you’re at fault in some way that they are withholding?  There’s a term for that, and in today’s episode Sarah shares that term, and unpacks what’s happening as she and her guest discuss how this played out in her intimate partnership.

Sarah is on mission to help as many people as she can find clarity, peace, and empowerment, and she’d love to help YOU.  If you’d like to be on her podcast, please don’t hesitate to reach out to her and get on her calendar here!

Word of the day: Intimacy Anorexia – According to healthline.com, Intimacy anorexia is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Doug Weiss to explain why some people “actively withhold emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy” from a partner. Now, while Intimacy Anorexia is NOT something I specialize in, gaslighting is almost always a tool people use to enable them to both withhold the intimacy AND keep their partner in the relationship. They do this by finding ways to blame you for the lack of intimacy – whether that be physical, sexual, emotional, or spiritual intimacy.  Taylor’s story is a clear depiction of this experience.

Story Time: Taylor shares the story of how her intimate partnership went from one that seemed like a dream, to one where she basically was begging for connection, and felt it especially in the areas of emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy.  Sarah and Taylor discuss the ways her ex used gaslighting to make her feel like she was to blame for their lack of intimacy and keep her in the dark about his sexual indiscretions and addictive behaviors.

Deconstruction Zone:

• Sarah names things Taylor’s ex did: Redirection/diversion was a constant; brainwashing via distortion of facts/exaggerating/criticizing coupled with withdrawal; controlling/coercion
• Sarah names self-gaslighting for Taylor – namely, in the form explaining away gut and settling.

Set Your Alarm: If you related to today’s episode, here are some ways you can set your alarm:

1. Research Intimacy Anorexia.  The term was coined by Dr. Doug Weiss
2. Pay attention to diversion and DARVO!  Are YOU the one being blamed for the issues, or is your partner taking responsibility for their part in things?
3. Pay attention to not just words, but words + actions + energy.  If they say their going to work on connecting – in whatever way, ARE THEY FOLLOWING THROUGH?  If they are following through, are they doing so, but with resentment?
4. Ask yourself if you’re allowing your head to dismiss your gut.  Slow down and connect with your body – what is it telling you about your situation?
5. Lastly, get real and call out the concessions you are making.

Two important things:

1. Starting THIS FRIDAY, Sarah’s going to host a one-hour livestream on Tiktok, where we will discuss the topic of today’s episode.
2. Sarah is on the verge of both branching out AND developing a new way to participate in her 12 week program – if you want to be kept in the loop, and get even more information, tips, and tools, AND you want to have a few laughs along the way, follow Sarah on TikTok – She’ll be launching my platform very soon. 

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

However you identify, can you relate to the principles in these song lyrics? I'm just a girl in the world - That's all that you'll let me be…(You know the words!)… No Doubt, Just a Girl.

In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest Lauren talk about how a vacation at the beach with her family of origin brought some childhood gaslighting to the surface. You won’t want to miss the real-time “A-ha” moment she had while they were recording!

If you’d like to shoot the shit with Sarah, like she does with Lauren in today’s episode, and have your own “A-ha” moment, Sarah would love to have you come on her podcast - hang out, talk about your gaslighting experience, get some insights, and have a good time together! Let Sarah know you’re interested here.

Sarah’s guest today is Lauren.  You might remember her from the episode titled DARVO and the Dangling Carrot.  She’s an amazing human being, and Sarah was excited to have her on the show again!

Word of the day: Approval.  Oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com defines approval as: the feeling that somebody/something is good or acceptable; a positive opinion of somebody/something. Listen, wanting someone’s approval has gotten a bad wrap.. it’s actually normal/natural/HUMAN to want approval. As we’ll hear in today’s episode, things go sideways when we make ourselves smaller, take on things that aren’t authentically us, or BOTH, in order to win that approval.  When it comes to gaslighting and approval, it’s not just the spoken things that gaslight us, as we’ll hear as Lauren shares her story. 

Story Time: Sarah and Lauren discuss how a seemingly silly incident around her sister hearing thunder while at the beach with her family revealed to Lauren a prevalent gaslighting message she was exposed to growing up – one that had way more impact on her than she had realized!

Deconstruction Zone:

• Lauren mentioned how there is a superiority complex in her FOO – often, in these kinds of environments, we experience things directly and indirectly that undermine our individualism; some combination of condescending attitude and words, being excluded, mockery, and likely some coercion. 
• The result is the message – again, usually UNSPOKEN, that if you want approval and belonging, you need to (be more like us; do things our way; prove yourself worthy, etc). 

Set Your Alarm: This experience of making ourselves smaller and/or becoming things that aren’t authentically us isn’t solely a cis-gendered female experience.  ANYONE can and EVERYONE DOES experience this type of gaslighting one way or another.  So here’s how you can set your alarm:

1. Gently, compassionately, look at your relationships; ask yourself: how important is it that I find approval from this person/these people? 
2. Then ask yourself: do I make myself smaller to stay in a place of approval or belonging?  Do I try to be something that is not authentically me in order to gain/keep approval or belonging? 
3. Remind yourself of the TRUTH that you will feel most alive, loved, and free when you are living out of a place of alignment with your authentic self!

If you are finding yourself stirred as you listened to today’s podcast, and are ready to deconstruct the gaslighting that has happened in your life - schedule a consultation call with me today! You can do so here!

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

In today’s special episode, Sarah decided to go solo and take on the topic of gaslighting in politics.

If you have a topic like todays, or perhaps a question or situation that you’d like Sarah to unpack in an episode, please head over to sarahmoralescoaching.com and submit your question/topic!

Word of the day: Diversion: Collins English Dictionary defines diversion as an action or event that attracts your attention away from what you are doing or concentrating on. You may also hear people use the word deflection, which is a synonym. We are going to see this over and over again in today’s scenario.  When it comes to this often-used gaslighting tactic, we want to pay attention to whether or not our questions or concerns are ever actually being answered or addressed.  When we do pay close attention, we will find that almost always, our questions and/or concerns are NOT being answered or addressed.

Story time: Sarah shares why the recent school shooting pushed her to FINALLY be willing to get political on her podcast.

Deconstruction Zone:

• Sarah deconstructs a conversation between her senator, Ted Cruz, and a British reporter.
• She shows how MANY politicians confuse people, put their values into conflict, and keep their base voting for them. 
• Sarah shares her POV that WE MUST WAKE UP to the fact that if we’re NOT paying attention to the political gaslighting happening – ESPECIALLY around gun reform in the US – we will almost assuredly keep voting for people that we otherwise wouldn’t. 
• The most prolific political gaslighters use diversion to get us to focus on ONLY the things they want us to focus on, by manipulating us around the things we feel strongly about or value. 
• By reading through the conversation, Sarah shows how Senator Ted Cruz:
• Undermines/invalidates legitimate questions/statements made by the reporter by: being condescending, ignoring the question, changing reality by diverting blame, discrediting by distorting facts, and exaggerating the reporter’s behaviors;
• Cruz riles up and confuses his base by: using stigmatizing verbiage, distorting facts and shifting blame, presenting half-truths, overstating statements, and using brainwashing statements.
• Sarah gives a synopsis that answers her question at the beginning.

Set Your Alarm: Sarah shares three tips/tools today: one for people who have unknowingly been falling into the trap of political gaslighting; one for people who are desperate to have conversations with people you care about who have fallen into said trap; and one general tip.  All three focus on slowing down and getting curious.

Personal note from Sarah: I don’t know about you, but this was an intense one!  I know I took on a potentially polarizing issue.  I hope I have helped you see and/or think about some new things; I hope I have challenged you to seek out truth with empathy for yourself and others. If you have questions, please contact me via my website: sarahmoralescoaching.com.

As I wrap up, I’d love to invite you to come be a guest on my podcast? You know where to find me.

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

And today more than ever before, the anthem of this podcast: Not Today…

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly putting out fires in your relationship while the other person stands and watches? How does this happen, and what part does gaslighting play in this dynamic?  Sarah unpacks that in today’s episode as she and her guest discuss how this played out in his intimate partnership.

Sarah is on mission to help as many people as she can find clarity, peace, and empowerment.  The more she does this podcast, the more this is becoming her greatest passion.  She’d love to help YOU.  If you’d like to be on her podcast, please don’t hesitate to reach out to her and get on her calendar here.

Sarah’s guest today is Dave.

Word of the day: Responsibility.  Dictionary.com defines responsibility as: the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one's power, control, or management. Let’s look at one more definition – the definition of responsible: Oxford languages defines responsible as: being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it.  There are a number of ways someone can use gaslighting tactics/techniques to avoid taking responsibility for any number of things. As we dive into Dave’s story, we’re going to see a VERY clear picture of how his partner used gaslighting to paint himself as the Victim, in an attempt to pretty much never have to take on any responsibility. 

Story Time: Sarah and Dave discuss the numerous ways he was gaslit by his partner, with a focus on how his partner used the line, “you (Dave) left me no choice (but to treat you this way) because (I’m the victim in one way or another).

Deconstruction Zone: Today was about The Victim role, and how most often the Victim will not discuss or take responsibility for their own faults.

• What we see in Mike is the classic Victim persona:
• Highly self-centered; everything revolves around him;
• Appeals to/preys upon other’s compassion/empathy;
• ***Would like to point out that most people don’t stay in one “role” – they overlap.  Sarah named Mike as vacillating between all the roles except maybe the Romancer.

Set Your Alarm: Gaslighting crosses gender, orientation, and even type of relationship – meaning, it can be parent to child, friend to friend, intimate partner to intimate partner, etc.  If you related to what David experienced in his intimate partnership, and you want to be more “awake” to what’s happening, here’s how you can set your alarm:

• In addition to keeping an eye out for DARVO, which is when your gaslighter reverses things back on to YOU, pay attention to two things:

1. If you’re not to blame for things, they blame anyone else they can – they are always the one that is the victim in the story.
2. They never see or own up to their part (aka, they never take responsibility for the things that are “within their power, control, or management.”

If you are finding the things Sarah is doing in this podcast helpful, check out her free workshop and signature program. 

Remember– it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

Have you ever had the experience of struggling with a label that someone has put on you?  Here’s a few for you: co-dependent; too much; too sensitive; intimidating; bitchy; too needy… or maybe, sometimes you’ve found labels to be helpful… here are a few: survivor; creative, empathetic.  How do labels and gaslighting connect?  How do I know if I’m carrying around labels that are a result of gaslighting?  This is what Sarah and her guest talk about in today’s episode.

Sarah wants you.. yes, YOU, to be a guest on her podcast.  Whether it’s a topic like today’s podcast, or a personal story you want her to discuss – bring it!  If you’d like to be on her podcast, please reach out to Sarah and get on her calendar! Just click here.

Our guest today is Gaelyn Rae Emerson: a certified professional life, relationship, and divorce recovery coach, credentialed by ICF and APSATS, with advanced training by The Gottman Institute, ISH, and SASH. Gaelyn coaches men, women and couples around the world, via her private practice, Women Ever After. She is also on-staff at CORE Relationship Recovery. Gaelyn is known for (and lives by) her collection of meaningful, expressive, and well-timed quotations.

Word of the day: Label.  Merriam Webster: a descriptive or identifying word or phrase; or to put a word or words on (something) to identify or describe it. There’s another definition - Oxford languages: a classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing, especially one that is inaccurate or restrictive.  This is where the gaslighting aspect comes in to play.  We are hit with labels from SO many different places – FOO, our culture, our society, religion, teachers, coaches, books, commercials, entertainment, and relationships (etc.!).  Many of the labels we’ve taken on, we don’t even realize we’ve taken on – which leads us to the discussion today of how to navigate when labels are “positive”, and when they are negative.

Story Time: Sarah and Gaelyn share personal stories that demonstrate how labels can be restrictive, helpful, and sometimes both!

Deconstruction Zone:

• When it comes to labels and gaslighting, the main techniques are manipulation, coercion, brainwashing, and indoctrination. 
• People unknowingly take on labels for numerous reasons.  Main categories would be: 1) because of the role of the other person; 2) desire for love/acceptance; 3) haven’t had the time to develop a connection to their knowing, or their connection to their knowing has been squelched.

Set Your Alarm: When it comes to labels, we REALLY have to stay connected to ourselves so that we don’t take on labels that aren’t in alignment with either our experience or who we are.  So, how do we do that?

1. Get curious: what labels do you currently carry?  Where (who/what and when) did they come from?  Why does this person get to define/label anything for you or about you?  What role have they played? 
2. Check in with yourself: How do you feel when you hold each label?  Does it track?
3. Turn the words should/shouldn’t into red flags… these carry a HIGH probability of self-gaslighting.

• Gaelyn shares her “Three P’s” to help you set a snooze button with this topic!

Wrapping up today - If you are finding the things Sarah’s doing in this podcast helpful, she'd like to invite you to check out her free workshop and signature program. 

Remember: it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

Does your gaslighter HAVE to also be a narcissist in order for you to be experiencing gaslighting? Is it an automatic connection, OR, are there other possibilities?  Can people gaslight, and NOT be a narcissist… is it possible that they may not even be high in narcissistic tendencies?  In today’s episode, Sarah unpacks her copyrighted Gaslighting Scale to help answer these oh-so-important questions.

Sarah wanted to share the importance of working with professionals who can help you sort out where on the scale your gaslighter may be.  Where your person falls on the scale makes a HUGE difference in how you can safely engage with them (if at all).  In addition her workshop, she wanted to let you know about her signature, 12-week program… which she created for this very reason – to help people find clarity and confidence as they navigate if they can safely stay in their relationship with the person that is gaslighting them.  If you’re in the place in your healing journey where you know this is what you need, check out the program here.   

Most of you have heard Sarah’s story, so you know she is a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse.  As such, she would NEVER do anything to minimize the impact gaslighting behaviors have on people.  Impact is NOT in question when she talks about her scale – INTENT, however, is… hang with Sarah for a few minutes while she shares her broken arm analogy with you.

Word of the day: Awareness Vocabulary.com defines aware as having or showing knowledge or understanding or realization (of something or someone).  When it comes to gaslighting, for a long time, the Charles Boyer character from the movie, “Gaslight”, was the epitome of what people thought of when they pictured a gaslighter: someone who is fully aware of what they’re doing, they’re doing the gaslighting behaviors ON PURPOSE, and with the INTENTION to break or control the other person.  When Sarah first started studying gaslighting and came across Dr. Robin Stern’s book, her stomach sank when she realized she had, at times, been gaslighting her kids.  This was the beginning of Sarah challenging this notion that “all gaslighters are narcissists”.

Story Time & Deconstruction Zone: Sarah shares her Gaslighting Scale©, and goes through the levels of awareness, and three groupings of motive/agenda/intents people who do gaslighting behaviors may have, giving examples along the way.

Set Your Alarm: So, how can you use this information as a tool? 

1. Give yourself permission to have BOUNDARIES – whether you have the messy gaslighter or the full-on abusive gaslighter – YOU GET TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO BE SAFE! 
2. Get curious about any/all of the gaslighters in your life – where might they fit on this scale? What level of awareness might they have?  What might be their reason/motive/intention behind their behavior?  Getting clear on these things DIRECTLY impact whether or not its safe for you to stay in the relationship and see if the other person can change.  (I have more information around this in both my free workshop – and for deeper work, my 12-week program). 
3. If you’re ready, consider how/where YOU might fit on this scale – are you unknowingly gaslighting anyone else or YOURSELF?
4. For all three of these, get professional help if needed (which is most of us.  LOL)

If you would like to share your story on Sarah’s podcast, get on the list here!

Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!