Denizen

If you’re wondering how we might reform capitalism to be less extractive and more regenerative, this conversation is for you.  Our guests Chelsea Robinson and Jay Standish have just published a book, Assets in Common, sharing recent research on what is happening in the most progressive corners of the current economic landscape.  

We discuss shared and stewardship governance models, which yield a more equitable, more purpose-driven economy.  Chelsea and Jay relay key findings from his research on how forward thinking entrepreneurs can address constraints they face, which  enable a more progressive economy to scale.  This isn’t a theoretical conversation that leaves you questioning what’s realistic, it is tactical and grounded in case studies.

Resources:

• Assets in Common: Stories of Business and Community Leaders Remaking the Economy from the Ground Up

Over the last few episodes we’ve been exploring work that we can do on ourselves and in intimate relationships. This conversation builds on those by extending that individual work into the group and organizational level.   We explore power and examine the patterns that show up at all organizational levels, from teams to organizations to coalitions to movements.

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In this conversation Jenny and Ted cover:

• Power and it's relationship with agency and responisbility
• The distinction between power-over, power-under, power-within, and power-with
• The importance of individual work
• The concept of multi-level selection and the need to balance autonomy with alignment
• The Principles for prosocial behavior
• Various models for decision making and why Ted believes consent is the only collectively minded decision making method
• The importance of trust and psychological safety in organizations
• Organizational structures and processes that enable coherence alongside decentralization
• Sources of legitimacy in organizations
• What blobs are and how to avoid your organization becoming one
• Coalitions
• Movements
• Challenges in implementing these ideas in the default legal and cultural context

Resources

• Collective Power: Patterns For A Self=Organized Future, Ted Rau

In this episode we’re discussing healing trauma, specifically what is required to address trauma at the root: in our nervous systems.  This topic is critical because what most of us don’t realize is how many people live in a perpetually dysregulated state due to unresolved trauma.  This leaves us with an ongoing baseline of reactivity, hypervigilance, and anxiety that spills over into every area of our lives.  Very often our unresolved trauma stems from so far into our childhoods that we are unable to parse out who we actually are at our core from who we become when our nervous systems are stuck in a fight, flight, or freeze response.  

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Our guest for this episode is Danielle Rubio.   Danielle uses nervous system rewiring, movement therapy, and mindfulness to help her clients do the deep work required to truly address their trauma and live lives of purpose from a center, empowered place.  She is a yoga and meditation teacher, reiki master, and touch therapist who has studied extensively with leaders in the field such as Dr. Fleet Maul, Irene and Seth Lyon, Gabor Mate, and Arielle Schwartz.

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In this conversation Jenny and Danielle discuss:

• How Danielle defines trauma
• Its prevalence in the United States and the extent of its economic and social costs to society
• What trauma actually does to the body and what it looks like when we have an unhealed, regulated nervous system
• The distinction between true healing and bypassing, illustrated by Danielle’s rude awakening after the traumatic birth of her daughter
• Critical learnings from Danielle's research that inform her practice today
• What doing the work to heal actually looks like, and why it’s important to do it with support
• Danielle's most essential tools
• What it looks like to live in a more embodied state, addressing trauma as it surfaces
• The one thing Danielle wishes everyone knew

Resources:

• Danielle's website: https://danielle-rubio.com/
• The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel Van Der Kolk

In this episode we’re discussing conflict resolution, in particular, the distinction between an adversarial paradigm, that all of us unwittingly hold, and a restorative paradigm, that gets us what we ultimately want: healthy, thriving relationships with those closest to us .  The difference between the two is quite literally life changing. In the former hurt leads to disconnection and distance, with a slow and steady degradation of the relationships that matter most.  In the latter, hurt creates an opportunity for deeper connection and intimacy, which obviously reflects the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. This deep, provocative, practical conversation will help us all move in that direction.

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Our guest is David Cooley, he is a relationship coach who works with individuals and couples, guiding them to address conflict in a way that restores harmony.   His work interweaves his background in restorative justice with training in nonviolent communication, mindfulness based practices, narrative therapy, somatic work, and attachment theory.  He is also the author of Poly-wise with his partner, Jessica Fern.

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In this conversation Jenny and David discuss:

• What the adversarial paradigm is
• How culture and the criminal justice system affect how we show up in interpersonal conflict
• The insidious ways the adversarial paradigm shows up in our beliefs, responses, and internal narratives
• How our conflict resolution defaults impact our nervous systems and the nervous systems of our partners
• How the stories we hold distort how we perceive our partners in moments of conflict
• Why all of this leads to increasing disconnect and degradations
• What the restorative paradigm is
• The restorative versions of the believes, responses, and narratives of the adversarial paradigm
• The nervous system and how critical self-awareness and self-regulation is to addressing conflict productively
• The role of fairness in intimate relationships
• The role of forgiveness and the distinction between repair, expression, and forgiveness
• How we can care for our partner's emotional needs without taking responsibility for our partner's emotions and compromising ourselves

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Alongside this episode we are sharing David's incredible handouts with our listeners. Contact us at www.becomingdenizen.com and we will happily send them your way.

In this episode we delve deep into how we can live more authentic lives, in alignment with our true selves.

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Our guest is Maria Camara Serrano, co-director of the Hoffman Institute's international division. In addition to her work leading the Hoffman Institute internationally, Maria is trained in Gestalt Therapy, Mindfulness, and Emotion-Focused Therapy.  She has a PhD in psychology and has been studying and practicing Buddhism for over 20 years.  

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Jenny and Maria integrate both psychology and spirituality into the conversation as they explore the question of how we might live more authentic lives, covering the following:

• What does it mean to live authentically?
• Why this topic is so relevant for Denizen's vision for the future
• Why most of us don’t lead an authentic life
• What the spiritual traditions have to teach us
• What psychology has to teach us
• What the work to learn to live authentically looks like
• What the work doesn’t look like, and common ways people misunderstand what the work is or try to bypass critical components of it
• The Hoffman Institute’s cycle of transformation: awareness, expression, compassion and forgiveness, and new ways of being
• What a healthy relationship with our emotional experience looks like
• How we can heal from traumatic experiences stored in the body
• Why our emotional competence is so important for compassion and forgiveness
• Why compassion and forgiveness is an essential part of returning to our authentic selves
• What it looks like to live authentically in our day to day lives
• The role of self love

Resources:

• Hoffman Institute: https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/
• The Body Keeps The Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk

In this episode we build on the two part series on consensual non-monogamy by discussing modern family structures and the work underway to support them.

Our guests, Alexander Chen and Health Schechinger are both doing remarkable work in this field.

In this conversation we discuss:

• The relationship between consensual non-monogamy and the LGBTQ+ movement
• What family means
• Why this is a civil right issue
• Legal work underway to support nondyadic partnerships
• The research agenda
• Why this is relevant for systemic change more broadly

Resources:

• Modern Family Institute
• Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition

In this episode Jenny and Jessica discuss:

• The neurochemisty of lust, attraction, and love
• Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) and social justice: punitive vs. restorative vs. transformational models
• How CNM helps us surface and heal trauma and attachment issues
• How CNM teaches us to change dominant paradigms and stories within us
• Why CNM leads to a change in consciousness and evolution of the self
• How embarking on a CNM journey is similar to climbing Mt Everest

Resources:

• Polysecure, by Jessica Fern
• Polywise by Jessica Fern
• Love, Actually: The science behind lust, attraction, and companionship
• Our Models of Justice are Perpetuating Injustice Jenny's Blog Post
• We Will Not Cancel Us: And Other Dreams of Transformative Justice by adrienne maree brown
• Thinking in Systems by Donella Meadows

In this conversation Jenny and Robert discuss:

• What the optimal zone is and how it relates to our nervous system
• What the defensive zone is and how it relates to our nervous system
• How our triggers are amplified by past trauma, agitation from other events of the day, and chronic stress
• How we can break the cycle of reflexive response when we are triggered and develop new patterns to become less triggered next time
• The notion of optimal zone hygiene, and practices we can employ to stay in our optimal zone
• Optimal zone first aid; i.e. things we can do in groups as preparation to better respond when someone is triggered
• Healing, particularly with respect to intergenerational trauma
• How this conversation fits into Robert's course at the Context Institute, Bright Future Now

In this episode Jenny and Jessica cover:

• The prevalence of infidelity and divorce
• Issues with the modern love story and codependency
• What is love?  Ideas from bell hooks and Daniel Schmachtenberger
• What consensual non monogamy (CNM) is
• Different variations CNM can take depending on emotional and physical exclusivity
• Why people practice CNM
• Best practices: defining your why
• Best practices: defining your what
• Hierarchy
• Transparency
• CNM and attachment theory: the difference between structural and statistical security

References

• Polysecure, by Jessica Fern
• Polywise by Jessica Fern
• all about love by bell hooks
• "What Loving You Means To Me" by Daniel Schmactenberger