Disordered: Anxiety Help

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"I want to get back into dating but I'm still struggling with anxiety. What should I do?"

"It's been going well with this new person and I'm afraid to tell them about my anxiety problem. Any tips?"

"Do I need to recover fully before I start dating again?"

"What if I start to like this person then then drop me because of my anxiety?"

This week on Disordered we're examining the topic of dating ... with an anxiety disorder. Life doesn't stop because you are struggling with panic disorder or OCD or some other form of chronic or disordered anxiety. Anxious people also value connection, companionship, and intimacy. So how can you approach dating and building new intimate relationships while you're still in the thick of an anxiety problem and/or working on recovery?

Two guys that know very little about dating ... but a whole lot about anxiety disorders ... are here to provide some insight on what it might look like when dating and anxiety disorders collide. The usual "rules" will still apply in this context, but we're also looking at sources of shame or negative self-image outside of anxiety, cognitive distortions and catastrophic thinking that can sabotage dating and new relationships, and why even non-anxious people struggle when looking for romantic partners.

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

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The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

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Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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Your anxiety narrative is the way you conceptualize your anxiety issues alongside how you see yourself, the world, your life in general, and how you may think your anxiety disorder developed or was triggered. Your personal narrative is important because nobody knows more about you than you!

When seeking help with an anxiety problem, your narrative is the place a good helper will start. Helpers do not get to tell you your own story or impose their stories upon you. They should start with your conceptualization - your narrative - and work to incorporate that into the theories or modalities they use that work best in the context of your primary issue.

This week Josh and Drew will explore why there is often confusion, conflict, and even debate about anxiety related narratives and how sometimes it can be difficult to conceptualize your own story when bombarded with so many varying messages on busy social platforms.

In the end, you are always the expert on you. Taking time to work out your anxiety narrative, including how it may change as you go through the recovery process, is a process well worth engaging in. Just remember that this can be unclear, confusing, or even frustrating at times so beware of the perfection of "doing it right" traps. Your anxiety narrative is organic. It lives and breathes and changes and that's OK. There is no wrong way to address your own story!

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

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Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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Three things start and drive disordered states of anxiety: 

Shock, Attention, and Resistance

• Shock is what we experience when anxiety levels skyrocket for what seems like no reason. We experience scary and disturbing physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions all at the same time. It is ... shocking!
• Attention drives disordered anxiety when our internal states become the most important and interesting thing in the room all the time. We focus all our attention on how we feel all the time and cannot even imagine doing otherwise.
• Resistance drives disordered anxiety when we fight our reality. We are anxious. We have symptoms. We have scary thoughts. We feel emotions. This is our reality in any given moment. We wear ourselves down, increase our sense of powerlessness and hopelessness, get more and more confused, and feel more and more lost and out of control when we resist this reality and try to control it rather than working WITH it.

This week on Disordered we're looking at the Shock / Attention / Resistance cycle that ignites and maintains a disordered state of anxiety. 

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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Somatic Hyper Focus - That thing where an anxious person becomes hyper aware and hyper fixated on specific bodily sensations or bodily functions. This is a common issue seen in health anxiety, OCD, and panic disorder. 

This week Drew and Josh are going into detail on somatic hyper focus. What does it look like? How do anxious people get stuck in this loop? What are the mechanisms at play? What tricks does the anxious mind (our friend the amygdala) employ to get us to remain focused and convinced that closely monitoring our bodies is a good idea?

We're talking about hyper focus on heartbeat, breathing, muscle twitches, stomach sensations, aches and pains, and a slew of other common somatic fixation targets. We're also talking about a way to conceptualize this issue that might help you turn away from it and learn through behavioral change and experience that its OK to not urgently analyze the results every time your frightened mind scans your body for signs of danger.

Of course, there's the usual dose of humor and silly music and sound effects to round out the discussion, along with a reminder that overcoming somatic hyper focus takes time and requires patience and self-compassion. Nobody fixes this problem overnight, so tune in, take what you can from this episode, and be nice to yourself as you address this disruptive and unwanted habit.

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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What do you do when you're working on recovery from an anxiety disorder and your techniques stop working? How do you handle those hard days when you can't make it stop or go away?

Well ... this is one reason why in the Disordered community we rarely if ever talk about tips, techniques, tricks, hacks, or steps for calming down, preventing anxiety, or managing anxiety or symptoms. 

This week Josh and Drew are talking about what happens when we try to use calming, relaxation, or wellness techniques to make disordered anxiety go away. There will be surprises here ... the number one technique we use in anxiety disorder recovery is to not try to use any techniques. The most valuable lesson we can learn is that even without taking special steps, our internal experiences come and go and are not worthy of changing our lives over, even when they are highly uncomfortable or scary.

This episode also touches on the use of calming, relaxation, and stress management techniques as important parts of overall wellness outside the context of an anxiety disorder. Not everything is an exposure and acceptance problem in life. There are times when engaging in good wellness and stress management practices can be very helpful! 

The bottom line this week is that trying to use techniques to directly control how you feel and what you think in an urgent or frantic way is generally a bad plan. Applying techniques to teach us how to better handle stressors and move THROUGH our uncomfortable experiences is probably a better way to go.

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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This week Drew and Josh are looking at the social impacts of anxiety. What happens when panic attacks, anxiety waves, or a flood of scary intrusive thoughts happens in public or while in social situations or when interacting with friends, family members, co-workers, or relationship partners?

If your past experiences in life or past relationships have contributed to developing self-beliefs or persistent worries about being rejected, excluded, or being exposed as being "less than", you may be tempted to insist that being anxious in social settings can't possibly be OK and that there must be some special way to approach this issue.

The short answer is that there really is no special way, and the same principles will apply. Its always helpful to be able to identify reasons why your threat response has latched onto themes like rejection, exclusion, or being unworthy or less than. 

Even then the path forward is THROUGH. In this episode we're talking about identifying and challenging core beliefs focused on social fears, and learning two valuable lessons :

1. The worst case often does not happen

2. Even if it does, you are capable of handling the feelings that come with that

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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Humans will often make the mistake of trying to apply our analytical and problem solving skills in areas where they do not belong. Anxious people - people struggling with anxiety disorders - do this all the time.

• Are you trying to fix how you feel? 
• Are you trying to solve your anxiety and figure it out? 
• Are you in the habit of trying to control how you feel, engineering away bad feelings and trying to manufacture only good feelings? 
• Are you always on the lookout for more tools, tips, techniques, and instructions on what's good "for anxiety?"

These are hints that you might be a fixer or a perfectionist or both, and that you might be trying to fix or solve your anxiety .... perfectly. If this is you, tune in to this episode of Disordered for more on the fixing trap and how what seems like a good idea can often backfire and make things worse.

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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Let's do an old-fashioned anxiety question and answer session!

This week Josh and Drew are answering questions sent in by members of the Disordered podcast community. Listen in for answers to the following questions:

• Are we supposed to challenge our beliefs in recovery?
• What about dizziness?
• How do you do recovery when real life happens?
• My health anxiety is "different". Can I use going to the doctor as an exposure?
• I'm very anxious when reminded of a past event that I'm not proud of. Any tips?
• How can I do more so I can be more recovered and not feel anxiety?
• How can be compassionate toward ourselves ... and really mean it?

Of course we also have a few "did it anyways" in this episode to inspire and encourage. Thank you to everyone that sends in questions, shares victories both big and small, or just listens to the podcast every week. Your presence and participation are always greatly appreciated!

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

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Fight ... flight ... or freeze. But what about the fawn response?

This week on Disordered, Drew and Josh explore the fawn response and people pleasing. While this may not be a response we see directly like we do with fight, flight, or freeze, the fawn response that leads to habitual and almost automatic people pleasing can get in the way of the recovery process. It's not exactly easy to choose to do difficult scary things to get better when you may have been conditioned by past experiences to keep yourself under wraps and not rock the boat or risk rejection or harm.

We're examining some common experiences that can deal to developing and fawn or people pleasing response and looking at how the fawn response can impact family relationships friendships, intimate and romantic relationships, and even career or social group performance. 

One item of note. It's perfectly OK to be shy. Being considerate of others and trying to be a good person is not a problem. We're not trying to erase these parts of our personalities. Overcoming the fawn response and excessive people pleasing is not about becoming hyper-independent or insensitive. This is always about bringing behaviors and beliefs back into a healthy, beneficial place in one's life.

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

Send a question or comment via text message

An anxious state can be at least partially fueled by the act of metacognition. That's thinking and feeling ... about thinking and feeling. When meta-beliefs tell us that thinking, rumination, worry, and mental problem solving is a good way to fix our internal experiences (like big emotions, scary thoughts, or anxiety), things can go off the rails.

What seems like a good idea - thinking to fix how you feel - suddenly feels like a bad idea after you can't accomplish your goal and wonder why you can't stop engaging in overthinking, worry, and rumination.

This week Josh and Drew are joined by Rhiannon Wilcox, a qualified UK therapist that's been trained and certified in Metacognitive Therapy, a treatment that's been studied and validated when used to address chronic and disordered anxiety problems.

Come learn more about thinking and feeling about thinking and feeling, and why those thinking habits might be leading you astray, even as they promise to lead you to recovery.

To find Rhiannon Wilcox online:

https://instagram.com/rhiannonwilcoxtherapy

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Want to talk about this episode, interact with us, and communicate with others that are sharing your experience? We're hanging out in the Disordered Community Space

https://disordered.fm/community

----

The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is available now:

⁠https://www.disordered.fm/the-disordered-guide-to-health-anxiety/⁠

---

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. 

-----

Got questions or did it anyways to share? ⁠Send us an email or voicemail on our website⁠.

https://disordered.fm

---

Disclaimer: Disordered  is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.