Stepparents tend to get a bad rap. Odds are, your first encounter with the role was through the archetype of an evil stepmother in a fairy tale like Cinderella. The cultural narrative depicts stepparents as a negative force in the life of a child—either ignoring, taking advantage, or actively working against them!

Monique Honaman is on a mission to change the narrative. She has joined forces with her husband, Justin, to write BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! A Child’s Guide to Understanding the Role of a Step-Parent. The picture book illustrates the positive role a bonus parent can play, not to replace either parent—but to be a ‘bonus’ trusted adult in the child’s life. Monique has also written two books for adults on the topic of divorce, The High Road Has Less Traffic and The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Better View.

Today, Monique joins Katherine to share the inspiration for BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! She explains the message of the book and what she has learned from reader feedback. Monique discusses her own experience, offering advice on how to include the kids as you build a strong blended family. Listen in and learn how to avoid competition between step- and biological parents and reframe the stepparent as an additional positive role model—a BONUS!

Topics Covered

The impetus for BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!

The messages behind BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!

Bonus vs. replacement

No superheroes

Value words

How competition between biological and stepparents puts kids in an unfair place

Monique’s guidance for adults who feel threatened by stepparents

Empathize with children

Conversation with bonus parent

Set ground rules, expectations

The pros and cons of bonus parents who don’t have kids of their own

What Monique learned in writing BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!

Applies to diverse situations beyond divorce

Why the ‘core parent’ should handle issues like discipline

How the bonus parent can serve as a trusted role model in a child’s life

Monique’s advice for putting together a strong blended family

The common thread among Monique’s High Road books and BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!

Monique’s mission to change the narrative around what it means to be a stepparent

Connect with Monique Honaman

Monique’s Website: http://highroadlesstraffic.com/

Bonus Dad and Bonus Mom Website: www.contenderbrands.com/bonus-dad-bonus-mom/

Resources

BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! A Child’s Guide to Understanding the Role of a Step-Parent by Justin and Monique Honaman: amazon.com/BONUS-Childs-Guide-Understanding-Step-Parent/dp/1940237084

The High Road Has Less Traffic: Honest Advice on the Path Through Love and Divorce by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/0615375340

The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Better View by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/1940237033

Janis Abrahms Spring: www.janisaspring.com/

National Stepfamily Resource Center: www.stepfamilies.info/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

Once you’ve decided on divorce, the next step is to determine how you and your former partner will come to a resolution. Given that 97% of divorces in New York settle before a judge gets involved, it is in your best interests to explore the full spectrum of options and make an informed decision based on your particular circumstances. This is called process choice.

Sarah Hechtman is a trained collaborative lawyer and family mediator. Before practicing family law, Sarah worked as a civil rights lawyer, prosecuting class action cases on behalf of children through Children’s Rights and Advocates for Children of New York. She also served as an Assistant District Attorney in the New York County DA’s Office where she was a member of the Domestic Violence and Sex Crimes Unit. Sarah made the transition to family law in 2006, and since then she has handled complex divorce cases involving substantial financial assets as well as highly contested child custody cases. Sarah’s interest in the welfare of children coupled with her experience as a litigator led her to a commitment in helping clients resolve their family disputes outside the court system.

Today, Sarah joins Katherine to share the definition of process choice, discussing the full spectrum of options divorcing couples have regarding how they will settle. She explains the mediation model, walking us through the value a mediator adds as a neutral third-party. Sarah also speaks to collaborative law, describing the professionals who may be included in the process. Listen in for Sarah’s insight around the myth of ‘having your day in court’ and how collaborative law enables the parties involved to craft their own resolution.

Topics Covered

The definition of process choice

The full spectrum of paths to settlement

How the ‘kitchen table’ template works without representation

The value a mediator adds to the settlement process

Big picture view

Creative solutions

Neutral third-party

Who is involved in three-way and five-way mediation meetings

The collaborative law model

The role of a divorce coach

The myth around having your ‘day in court’

The concept of attribution error

How collaborative law enables the parties involved to craft their own solution

The circumstances under which litigation may be appropriate

Domestic violence

Safety of child at risk

Need discipline of court

Why the most highly contested cases involve mental illness

How the court system is designed to address the worst possible circumstances

Wasteful dissipation of assets exemplar

Connect with Sarah Hechtman

Sarah at Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/our-attorneys/sarah-b-hechtman

Sarah on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarah-hechtman-10083418/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The divorce process initiates a time of radical change and transformation, and one major part of that change involves a potential change of address. As you and your ex-partner separate your assets, it may be necessary to sell the home you shared and make arrangements for a new place to live.

Anthony Sibio is a licensed broker with Coldwell Banker Real Estate. Anthony has served the Pleasantville area for 15 years, and he sees his role as that of a trusted advisor tasked with helping each client achieve their particular goals. Anthony is a graduate of Iona College in New Rochelle, where he earned a BBA in marketing.

Today, Anthony joins Katherine to explain how he handles a sale when the circumstances involve divorce. He discusses the seller’s tendency to overestimate the value of their home and walks us through his approach to comparative market analysis. Anthony speaks to the necessity of having a plan in place should your home sell quickly as well as the feasibility of keeping your children in the same school district. Listen in for Anthony’s insight on choosing the right broker, staging your home, and creating curb appeal.

Topics Covered

Why a real estate broker should remain neutral in cases of divorce

The broker’s responsibility to communicate with both parties

The seller’s tendency to overestimate their home’s value

How Anthony carries out a comparative market analysis

Walk through home, take notes

Research nearby sales in last six months

Anthony’s tips around staging your home to look spacious and tidy

The benefits of pricing your home at fair market value

How to garner the best possible price despite difficult circumstances

How Anthony reasons with sellers who are overpricing their homes

Provide range based on data

Bank refuses mortgage if not fair market value

Anthony’s take on the value of curb appeal

How to choose a good broker if you’re going through a divorce

The necessity of having a plan in place should your home sell quickly

The best times of year to put your home on the market

The feasibility of keeping your kids in the same school district

Why Anthony recommends the option to buy out the other party

How a broker’s consult differs from an appraiser’s analysis of fair market value

Connect with Anthony Sibio

Phone 914-319-2970

Email [email protected]

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

How do you learn to be okay with not being okay?

In a culture where we’re taught to run from discomfort, it can seem like quite a feat to stop and take inventory of what’s true for us in a particular moment—especially if what we’re feeling is pain. But Nancy Colier argues that ‘company with our own experience IS the healing.’

Nancy is a psychotherapist and relationship coach whose work is grounded in mindfulness practices. She is the author of Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment as well as The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. A thought leader on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times, Huffington Post and Psychology Today.

Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the definition of mindfulness and explain what it means to bring mindfulness to divorce. She walks us through the process of communicating in a less reactive, more compassionate way by speaking the truth of our experience. Listen in for Nancy’s insight around the connection between attention and love and learn how our capacity to be empathic impacts our relationships.

Topics Covered

Nancy’s simple definition of mindfulness

What it means to bring mindfulness to the process of divorce

How to be okay with not being okay

How mindfulness helps us communicate in a less reactive way

How to stop the conflict dynamic by speaking with the word ‘I’

The danger in linking our freedom with changing another person

How to get out of the dialogue of blame

Fight with reality, reality wins

Acceptance brings choice

How we dodge intimacy with technology

The connection between attention and love

How the capacity to be empathic impacts our relationships

Nancy’s insight on seeing disparity as ‘another freaking growth opportunity’

Connect with Nancy Colier

Nancy’s Website: http://nancycolier.com

Resources

Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment by Nancy Colier: amazon.com/Inviting-Monkey-Tea-Befriending-Discovering/dp/1628480513

The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World by Nancy Colier: amazon.com/Power-Off-Mindful-Virtual-World/dp/1622037952

Nancy’s Column in HuffPost: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/nancy-colier

Nancy’s Column in Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inviting-monkey-tea

Books by Nancy Colier: https://www.amazon.com/Nancy-Colier/e/B007U6A8ZY

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

Laughter really can be the best medicine, even when what ails you is a painful divorce.

When Kevin Cotter’s ex-wife moved out of their home, she left her wedding dress in its preservation box—on the middle shelf at the center of the closet. When Kevin asked her what he was supposed to do with it, she said, “Do whatever … you want, I’m not taking the dress!” He eventually shared this backstory with his family, and they brainstormed a number of ideas. It was Kevin’s sister-in-law who suggested that he could probably come up with 101 uses. The laughter was therapeutic, and Kevin realized that sharing his experience through a blog might benefit others as well.

Kevin’s humorous look at the divorce and recovery process evolved to become the book 101 Uses for My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress: How One Man Took an Awkward Situation and Made It Hilarious and Practical. Today, Kevin joins Katherine to discuss the unexpected response he received upon launching the blog, from both men and women. He walks us through the evolution of the project, explaining the therapeutic nature of sharing his experience with others and sharing some of his favorite uses for the dress! Listen in for Kevin’s insight on how the time he spent with his brother helped him heal and learn how his ex-wife reacted to the project.

Topics Covered

The liberating nature of sharing the divorce experience

The unexpected response Kevin received from both men and women

How a family dinner inspired the 101 Uses… blog and book

The healing quality of brainstorming uses for the dress with family

How the project evolved from a simple list to a website

Kevin’s favorite uses for his ex-wife’s wedding dress

Darth Vader scarecrow

Snow camouflage

How Kevin found support through the people who reached out

The difference between how men and women responded to the project

How Kevin’s site connects charities with women looking to donate their dresses

How Kevin’s ex-wife reacted to the 101 Uses… project

Why spending time with his brother on the project was integral to Kevin’s healing

Connect with Kevin Cotter

My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress: http://myexwifesweddingdress.com

Email [email protected]

Resources

101 Uses for My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress by Kevin Cotter: https://www.amazon.com/101-Uses-Ex-Wifes-Wedding-Dress/dp/0451235894/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

Pets are family. As a growing number of people form emotional attachments with their animals, the divorce process is further complicated by decisions around who gets to keep the pets. What can people do to look out for the best interests of the animal involved? What does the law say?

Professor David Favre practiced law in Virginia prior to joining the Michigan State University Law College faculty in 1976. An expert in animal law, David has written several articles and books dealing with issues like animal cruelty, wildlife law, the use of animals in scientific research and international control of animal trade. He is a national officer of the Animal Legal Defense Fund and the ABA Committee on Animal Law, and David teaches Property, International Environmental Law, Wildlife Law and Animal Law at MSU.

Today, David joins Katherine to explain the many facets of animal law and how it has evolved in the US over the last 150 years. He shares his take on animals as ‘living property’ and walks us through the legal process of creating a trust to provide for our pets. David speaks to decision-making about pets in the divorce process, offering insight around the emotionally changed nature of those discussions and why joint agreements are preferable to litigation. Listen in to understand the evolution of the law when it comes to animals and divorce—and learn how Alaska is at the forefront of legislation based on the best interests of the animal.

Topics Covered

The many aspects of animal law

How animal law in the US has changed in the last 150 years

The popularity and acceptance of companion animals

The creation of trusts for animals in the 1990’s

David’s take on the idea of animals as ‘living property’

Human has legal control

Animal has status above property

How animals become a proxy for negative circumstances between people

Making decisions about where the pet is placed after divorce

Emotional attachment, comfort and support

Financial well-being, best quality of life

Why David recommends joint agreements over litigation

The emotional nature of mediations involving pets

The evolution of laws around pets and divorce

Alaska first to give judge authority

Placement based on best interest of animal

David’s advice around providing for your animal through a trust

Connect with David Favre

David’s Faculty Profile: www.law.msu.edu/faculty_staff/profile.php?prof=12

Resources

Books by David Favre: amazon.com/David-S.-Favre/e/B001JSDCDY

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

Is your phone more interesting than your husband?

75% of people say that technology seriously impacts their relationships. Thus, the very thing that is supposed to help us feel more connected is hindering our connections with the people who really matter—the ones right there in front of us.

In addition to her roles as a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, mindfulness teacher and relationship coach, Nancy Colier is the author of The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. Nancy is a sought-after public speaker on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, and she has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times. She writes regular columns for Huffington Post and Psychology Today, and Nancy serves as a frequent guest on On Point Talk.

Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the ways that technology brings out the least evolved aspects of ourselves. She explains the addictive nature of checking messages as well as the concept of phubbing, snubbing someone in favor of your phone. Nancy discusses how our expectations for relationships have changed based on the constant stimulation provided by technology and why we actually want to be pulled out of the present moment by our smartphones. Listen in for Nancy’s insight on leveraging mindfulness in the onslaught of technology and learn how to broach the subject of full presence with the people close to you.

Topics Covered

How our relationship with technology doesn’t support a ‘good life’

Technology’s dramatic impact on families and intimate relationships

How technology brings out the least evolved aspects of ourselves

Comparison with others

Narcissism

The addictive nature of checking messages

The concept of phubbing

How expectations for relationships have changed based on the constant stimulation of tech

Why people want to be pulled out of the moment

Never have to deal with stillness, self

Always something to pay attention to

How to leverage mindfulness in the onslaught of technology

The necessity of becoming more awake in our own lives

Nancy’s advice around broaching the subject of being fully present

Connect with Nancy Colier

Nancy’s Website: http://nancycolier.com

Resources

The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World by Nancy Colier: amazon.com/Power-Off-Mindful-Virtual-World/dp/1622037952

Nancy’s Column in HuffPost: www.huffingtonpost.com/author/nancy-colier

Nancy’s Column in Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inviting-monkey-tea

Books by Nancy Colier: www.amazon.com/Nancy-Colier/e/B007U6A8ZY

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

If you’re in the middle of a hostile divorce, the very idea of having compassion for your former partner may be difficult to fathom. But what if you started with compassion for yourself? Holistic health coach Jen Dorf maintains that you can escape the conflict trap with a mindful approach to communication that models the way you want to be treated.

Based in Mamaroneck, New York, Jen is a nutrition and wellness coach with an expertise in mindful communication. She inspires clients to create daily sustainable habits that will revive their energy and power from within by bringing awareness to how they eat, move, rest and relate—to themselves and others. Jen trained at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in Manhattan, and she is accredited by The American Association of Drugless Practitioners.

Jen sits down with Katherine to discuss the fundamentals of mindful communication. She explains how to use mindfulness to identify your patterns and triggers and shift your goals from being right to being happy. Jen speaks to the power of self-compassion, describing how loving kindness for yourself facilitates empathy for others. Listen in for Jen’s insight around the connection between food and mood and her approach to communicating in moments of conflict.

Topics Covered

Why self-compassion is the first step to mindful communication

Pause, breathe

Calm nervous system

Getting comfortable with silence

How mindfulness brings awareness to patterns, triggers

Why the stories you tell yourself may not be true

The value in modeling the behavior you want for yourself

How loving kindness toward yourself facilitates healing

Jen’s approach to responding in moments of conflict

Practice empathy, curiosity

Focus on well-being of children

The connection between food and mood

The importance of self-care

How to shift your focus from being right to being happy

The myth that compassion makes you weak

Connect with Jen Dorf

Jen’s Website: www.jendorfwellness.com

Resources

The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook: A 14-Day Plan to Transform Your Relationship with Yourself by Tim Desmond: amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Skills-Workbook-Transform-Relationship/dp/0393712184

Brené Brown: https://brenebrown.com

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while now, the landscape may seem like a brave new world. Dating apps offer endless possibilities—and overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that you are sorting through your own feelings after a divorce and working to reshape your very identity. It’s complicated to say the least.

Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is regular blogger for Psychology Today and the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. Dr. Solomon is a renowned speaker and media consultant on topics related to love, sex and marriage, and she has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Network, The Today Show and NPR, among many others.

Dr. Solomon joins Katherine to discuss how dating has evolved in recent years with the emergence of apps geared to finding love. She explains why it’s important to work through the story of your marriage and focus on yourself before you return to the dating world. Dr. Solomon offers her best advice around dating after divorce, describing the value in processing these experiences on your own before you debrief with a friend. Listen in for Dr. Solomon’s take on sexual experiences that nurture connection as well as her view on casual sex for the newly single.

Topics Covered

The use of technology to find love

Dr. Solomon’s guidance around dating apps

No obligation to use

Slow and steady

Means to an end

How to cut through the ‘chorus of opinions’ and check in with yourself

How therapy can help you work through the story of your marriage

The risks around ‘getting stuck in the heartbreak’

Dr. Solomon’s tips for dating after divorce

Practice self-compassion

Process experience on your own

The natural tendency to look for a romantic partner and co-parent

Why it’s dangerous to think in terms of absolutes

Dr. Solomon’s insight on sexual experiences that nurture connection

Dr. Solomon’s take on casual sex for the newly single

Connect with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Dr. Solomon’s Website: www.dralexandrasolomon.com/

Resources

Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want by Dr. Alexandra Solomon: www.dralexandrasolomon.com/book

Smart Dating Academy: www.smartdatingacademy.com/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

Are you waiting to get divorced until your kids are a little older in the hopes that they’ll handle it better? You may be surprised to hear that kids in early adolescence have MORE of an adjustment to make when parents divorce than at any other age. Whatever your child’s age, parenting through divorce is difficult territory.

Carl Pickhardt PhD is a psychologist in private practice out of Austin, Texas. He has written an impressive 15 books on the subject of parenting as well as columns for the Austin American Statesman, Marriage and Family Living and Psychology Today, just to name a few. Carl has appeared on ABC, NBC, CNN and NPR, and he holds degrees from Harvard and the University of Texas at Austin.

Carl joins Katherine to explain the importance of emotionally reconciling your differences and creating an alliance with your ex-spouse based on common concern for your children. He walks us through the reasons why adolescence is an especially vulnerable age for kids dealing with divorce, offering his advice around keeping the lines of communication open. Listen in for Carl’s insight on providing your kids with clear, consistent messaging as you navigate parenting through divorce.

Topics Covered

The powerful adjustments kids make when their parents divorce

Carl’s take on the first task for divorcing parents

Emotional reconciliation of differences

Recommitment to joint parenting

Creating an alliance founded on common concern for your children

The cost of an unreconciled divorce

Kids caught in loyalty conflicts

Ongoing pain

Why early adolescence is an especially vulnerable age for kids to deal with divorce

How divorce initiates an increased push for independence in adolescents

Why adolescents need an increased number of salient adult relationships

Carl’s guidance for divorcing parents around spending time with your preteen/teen

Stop and listen (accessibility)

Bridge to kid’s emerging interests

Include friends in visitation

How to maintain constant positive choice points with your adolescent

Carl’s insight on providing kids with clear, consistent messaging

Connect with Carl Pickhardt

Carl’s Website: http://carlpickhardt.com/

Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence in Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence

Resources

The Everything Parent’s Guide to Children and Divorce  by Carl Pickhardt: amazon.com/Everything-Parents-Guide-Children-Divorce/dp/1593374186/ref=la_B001IZV7GW_1_12?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1519439350&sr=1-12

Books by Carl Pickhardt: www.amazon.com/Carl-E.-Pickhardt/e/B001IZV7GW

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1